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> Train Journey, Free Verse
Arnfinn
post Jan 22 18, 04:36
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Train Journey

No excitement—
slow rotation…
wheels slip brake shoes,
dynamic motors grumble— pulse;
carriages exhale in a rush of grit and dust.
Un-tethered the silvered eel dissolves into the
black-circle of enchantment— screaming with fright.

Within the train
Sway— rattle— bounce.
We sit Rae and me, knees barely
apart— our thoughts blended silence.

Arnfinn © 2018



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Arnfinn

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JustDaniel
post Jan 23 18, 11:54
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An enchanting picture, John. I like it.

Not sure I understand one of the images, though... the silvered eel. I may need some help with that?

Also, just a grammatical note: ... Rae and I ...

deLighting in your writing, Daniel sun.gif


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Arnfinn
post Jan 30 18, 04:58
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G'day Daniel.

Thank you for your comments--a reflection

silver eel...a silver bodied passenger train.

"me" passes the grammar test.

Regards,

John


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Arnfinn

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RC James
post Jan 31 18, 15:26
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Arnfinn - Love train poems - rhythm of the blues to me.

Within the train
Sway— rattle— bounce.
We sit Rae and me, knees barely
apart— our thoughts blended silence.

This stanza is a nice contrast to the noise going on above. Enjoyed this - RC
 
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Arnfinn
post Feb 6 18, 23:35
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G'day R C


The subway, train stations, are full of action.

An easy subject to write about.


Thank you for your comments.

Regards,

John


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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JustDaniel
post Feb 8 18, 13:41
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Ah... NOW I see your silvered eel squirming along the tracks! Thanks.

but... We = Rae and I (sat).... me didn't sit!

sLightly confused, Daniel sun.gif


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greenwich
post Aug 10 18, 09:57
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instead of motor why not engine. You have already mentioned grit and train therefore a steam train
no mention of subways in this good poem


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