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Posted on: Mar 13 14, 07:29 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Daniel - I'm so, so sorry! My eyesight is not what it was, and having looked again, I was appalled to realize that what you are holding is a swaddled babe, and not a rather woolly mut. I humbly beg your pardon for my mistake, which I attribute to advancing age and general idiocy! Sorry again, Leo |
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Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -...
· Post Preview: #134184
· Replies: 6
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Posted on: Mar 11 14, 11:43 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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The UK has just had the wettest and storm laden winter since records began - thousands of our homes, business and farms have been, and still are devastated, many of them for the second time.
We are all waiting anxiously for Spring to arrive; and now it seems that it just might be coming.
Hydroponic Daffodils
Throughout the mournful months of cloud
bleak rains have drenched our sodden hills;
and yet, this Spring, we'll damply crowd
to worship half drowned daffodils.
They've dragged away the fallen trees
now gales have dwindled to a breeze.
By day, the flooded fields take shine
where swollen rivers had their way.
Whilst sodden sand-bags lurch in line,
to keep engulfing tides at bay.
No longer worth a second glance,
there's nowhere for our lambs to dance.
Each night, on television, they
show devastated homes - with glee.
They're somehow much too bright and gay,
to keep the victims company.
It seems they hardly spare a thought
for ruined lives such rain has brought.
Immersed, our soggy pastures lie.
No grass where once, in playful mood,
lambs frolicked to refresh our eye -
all lost. Submerged in solitude.
We wait 'til 'Some-Time's' sun fulfils
the promise of new daffodils.
First revision - thanks to Daniel for advice.
Throughout the mournful months of cloud bleak rains have drenched our sodden hills; and yet, this Spring, we'll damply crowd to worship half drowned daffodils. They've dragged away the fallen trees now gales have dwindled to a breeze. By day, the flooded fields take shine where swollen rivers had their way. Whilst steadfast sand-bags lurch in to keep engulfing tides at bay. No longer worth a second glance, there's nowhere for young lambs to dance. Each night, on television, they show devastated homes - with glee. They're somehow much too bright and gay, to keep the victims company. It seems they hardly spare a thought for ruined lives such rain has brought. Immersed, our soggy pastures lie. No grass where once, in playful mood, calves capered to refresh our eye, all lost! Submerged in solitude we'll wait, 'til 'some-time's' sun fulfils the promise of new daffodils. |
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Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -...
· Post Preview: #134146
· Replies: 4
· Views: 3,483
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Posted on: Mar 11 14, 05:00 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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That's the problem Larry; I can't come up with something for the challenge that is even slightly beautiful;and when I saw how well you had done, I despaired .
Re your John Ruskin quote: "Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done in rival-ship; or nobly, which is done in pride." Sadly, (and of course it's no fault of his own), he was not able to watch this year's winter Olympics. The young snowboarders, for example, were breathtaking - and all in the Olympic spirit of friendly and respectful competition. Hugs, Leo |
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Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -...
· Post Preview: #134136
· Replies: 8
· Views: 3,901
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Posted on: Mar 8 14, 04:11 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Very nicely done Larry! I, too, have been struggling with the same challenge; only for me it is the months and months of floods still devastating homes, farms and cities right across UK. I've just read your response to this challenge, and Shelly's great line : "Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!" sprang to mind. I'll keep chipping away at my attempt - but it'll be no match for yours. Hugs, Leo |
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Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -...
· Post Preview: #134099
· Replies: 8
· Views: 3,901
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Posted on: Feb 26 14, 08:48 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Sergio - you surely know how to get under the skin of your reader! The optimism and fragility of a beautiful small boy, brutally wiped out to satisfy the casual urges of a self obsessed man. The image of that child's ravaged body will go with me today, to keep company with all the other images that make me despair of the human race.
A small query - I was slightly disorientated by your mention of, 'his dresser'. 'death sprawls on his dresser like a headless chicken' I had been transported outside, looking in horror at the Spanish style bridge - and what lay beneath. But, for a Brit like me, a dresser is an indoor piece of furniture. I know how different cultures can add confusion, so wondered where I might have lost my way.
A tremendously strong poem -
Leo |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #134023
· Replies: 7
· Views: 7,654
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Posted on: Feb 23 14, 14:28 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Dear Syl, - I came late to this feast of a poem - Others have already said how outstanding it is, but I would like to testify to its emotional truth and strength - they shine through. We, both of us, perceive, and then seek to love 'our princes' under the evil spell cast by this disease. Thank you for this expression of ongoing love. Hugs, Leo |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #134007
· Replies: 23
· Views: 26,051
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Posted on: Feb 20 14, 13:36 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Hi Maureen, and thanks for your comments on Dementia Man. It was intended to show that love can, and does, survive even in what the parable calls, 'stony ground'. It's hard, watching someone you love suffer - but, every now and then, something lightens the mood, and we have a good laugh. You and I have to learn to cherish those, 'special' moments. Thanks again, Hugs, Leo |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #134001
· Replies: 18
· Views: 10,354
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Posted on: Feb 20 14, 13:14 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Hello again Syl, I do remember you well from some time ago. Many thanks for looking in at Dementia Man. I normally try to keep my verses fairly light-hearted, but needed to get this one down before I could start again with something less, 'me' centered. We seem to have a lot in common - our husbands' illnesses, moving home and a capable daughter! Our daughter actually chose our home for us, because I couldn't house-hunt from France.
As for being part of the militant grammar police -probably not! We didn't, 'do' grammar at my school, so I am very conscious of my own failings.
I hope Carlos continues to make more and more improvements - Michael also seems much improved after our move to UK. Now, at last, that he can speak to others in his own language. Not surprisingly, his French disappeared as his Dementia progressed.
Hugs, Leo |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #134000
· Replies: 18
· Views: 10,354
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Posted on: Feb 20 14, 12:25 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Hello Maggie, and thank you reading Dementia Man. I've tried for ages to put something/anything into some kind of verse - I have stared hopefully at the page, but nothing ever appeared. It feels good to return to MM - I have so missed the relaxed friendship and occasional, 'differences of opinion'. Unfortunately, I seem to have forgotten everything I ever learned, (from the experts here) about the many poetic forms - I'll have to start over. Thank you for enjoying England. It does have much to recommend it so, if you ever find yourself in the Oxford region, there's usually a spare bed available here. Hugs, Leo |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133999
· Replies: 18
· Views: 10,354
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Posted on: Feb 19 14, 12:15 |
Greek
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
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Dear Dementia Man
At least, unlike others,
you still know me.
How could you not
when we lay each night, curled, entwined.
Your hand, unfurled, yearning for mine
in the darkness' Sleeping; the essence of the man I love
exists;
and I wonder if you know that
I kiss you. Whilst you dream of –
I know not what. |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133989
· Replies: 18
· Views: 10,354
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