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> Chortle Bird, A sonnet for Sylvia
Merlin
post Apr 2 16, 21:33
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Hi Y'all!
I know yer out there! C'mon in.

Here's a sonnet for Sylvia, taken from the Snippet Section, using Lewis Carroll's snips... or was it Carol Lewis's? Can't recall. You may crit *** as you wish, but keep in mind that the snippers listed downstream need to appear in the offering. Have at it - perhaps there will be a comment to go with the views. If that happens, I'll rush out and get a Lottery ticket!

Chortle Bird

He chortled in his joy to greet new dawn,
how cheerfully he seems when morn arises
with eager eyes, and gone the need to yawn,
all eager for the treat and day's surprises.

Lovingly shall nestle, he, on his nest 
of cotton wood, with a sort of mental 
time-clock full of tricks and fun impressed;
no creature heeds the duties quite as gentle.

When once in pain, he chortled in distress
and have(ing) grown most uncommonly inflicted,
he did what man naturally loves in such a mess,
drank from a jug, (the day was wet,) got nun-afflicted!

Yep, that's the story of the Chortle Bird,
as sure as chuckles, it's my honest word!



Snippets used:
1. He chortled in his joy
2. how cheerfully he seems 
3. with eager eyes 
4. all eager for the treat

5. lovingly shall nestle
6. with a sort of mental 
7. full of tricks and fun
8. no creature heeds the 

9. When once in pain
10. and have grown most uncommonly 
11. man naturally loves,
12. the day was wet,


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Psyche
post Apr 3 16, 01:21
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Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Hi Merlin!!
Yep, they're hiding down the rabbit hole...the poets who swim might crawl out, providing they're small enough to pass the door, with all t'other creatures flapping in Alice's pool of tears...
Well, a sonnet for Sylvia? Do you mean me, or W.S.'s Sylvia in, I seem to remember, The Two Gentlemen of Verona. Never mind, I'll thank you politely and read on...
(Some snippets, at least, are from The Walrus and the Carpenter. Can't rush off right now to check...might do! Oh dear, my mistake, they're from the one about the crocodile blush21.gif )



QUOTE (Merlin @ Apr 3 16, 00:33 ) *
Hi Y'all!
I know yer out there! C'mon in.

Here's a sonnet for Sylvia, taken from the Snippet Section, using Lewis Carroll's snips... or was it Carol Lewis's? Can't recall. You may crit *** as you wish, but keep in mind that the snippers listed downstream need to appear in the offering. Have at it - perhaps there will be a comment to go with the views. If that happens, I'll rush out and get a Lottery ticket!

Chortle Bird

He chortled in his joy to greet new dawn,
how cheerfully he seems when morn arises
with eager eyes, and gone the need to yawn,
all eager for the treat and day's surprises.

Wow, I wish I felt like the Chortle Bird in the morn!
BTW, I seem to recall that you count syllables (and therefore adjust meter) the way people pronounce words. Rather than the exact count in dictionaries?
I love this stanza.


Lovingly shall nestle, he, on his nest 
of cotton wood, with a sort of mental cottonwood?
time-clock full of tricks and fun impressed;
no creature heeds the duties quite as gentle.

When once in pain, he chortled in distress
and have(ing) grown most uncommonly inflicted, <<<you could remove 'most'?
he did what man naturally loves in such a mess,
drank from a jug, (the day was wet,) got nun-afflicted!

This is what I mean, 'naturally' has 4 syllables, but we don't pronounce it that way. The purists would count 13 syllables in that line! Also in L4. But it's all so very amusing that I love the way 'tis. I have suggestions to make, but would be sure to mess up your meter...Ah, perhaps you've forgotten that when you bring poems over from the challenges, you're allowed to tinker with the snippets. Just sayin'...


Yep, that's the story of the Chortle Bird,
as sure as chuckles, it's my honest word!


You've really made me laugh with this sonnet, Merlin. And it's in L.C.'s style, so who am I to crit, even with ***
Hope Larry turns up and reprimands you...LOL. When I was a child, I read Lewis Carroll's work about 10 times over! I even knew The Jabberwocky by heart. And several others. Later on, I read his complete works...and loved them all to this day!!

Many thanks, Mr. Crocodile...sorry, Merlin!
Syl butterfly.gif (and now get your lottery ticket)



Snippets used:
1. He chortled in his joy
2. how cheerfully he seems 
3. with eager eyes 
4. all eager for the treat

5. lovingly shall nestle
6. with a sort of mental 
7. full of tricks and fun
8. no creature heeds the 

9. When once in pain
10. and have grown most uncommonly 
11. man naturally loves,
12. the day was wet,



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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Merlin
post Apr 3 16, 11:00
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Hello Sylvia,
Yes, they're out there. I saw some at Walmart the other day!
Thanks for the reply. You are the targeted Sylvia, and have done so.

However - you've raised a prospect I hadn't thought of >>> if Larry replies, I'll need to get 2 lottery tickets. Fortunately I have a savings account since I hadn't considered spending 2 $!

I'm not up-to-date on the Carroll verses but have crossed them over time. Jabberwocky is best known, probably. I didn't look up where they came from, unlike Joyce who invented words... unless he used Gay-lick ones since he was Irish. Me? Not a gay-licker.

Syllabic verse. True, I did pay some attention to that but not 100% because of snippy use. I'm reminded of Dylan Thomas' Fern Hill, which rates very high with me. It's remarkably syllabic, among his best as I see it.

Cottonwood is correct, of course, but I split it up for a softer landing.

Made you laugh, did I? Must look into that!

Appreciate the time to respond, thx.

There tis.

Merlin



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Larry
post Apr 11 16, 09:22
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Okay Merlin,

Buy that other lottery ticket. Here is my take on your not-too-serious piece and like Sylvia says, you can change things around when posting in forums other than the challenge forum. I don’t see where you would need (***) worth of critique but as always, TOT!

Larry


QUOTE
Chortle Bird

He chort/led in /his joy/ to greet/ new dawn,
how cheer/fully /he seems /when morn/ aris/es
with ea/ger eyes/, and gone/ the need/ to yawn,
all ea/ger for/ the treat/ and day's/ surprise/es.

[He] lov/ingly /shall ne/stle, he, on/ his nest
of cot/ton wood/, [but] with/ a sort/ of men/tal
time-clock/ [that’s] full/ of tricks/ and fun/impressed;
no crea/ture heeds/ the du/ties quite/ as gen/tle.

When once/ in pain,/ he chor/tled in /distress
and have/(ing) grown/ most uncomm/only/ inflic/ted,
he did what/ man nat/urally loves/ in such/ a mess,
drank from/ a jug[s]/, (the day/ was wet/) got nun/-afflic/ted! [one extra foot]

Yep, that's/ the sto/ry of /the Chor/tle Bird,
as sure/ as chuck/les, it's /my hon/est word!


S1 reads great but S2/L1’s bump might be fixed by starting the line with “He” to straighten the metrical beat. S2/L2 is short the half-beat and adding “but” before “with” will fix that. S2/L3 is also short on IP; suggest adding “that’s” before “full of tricks” might help.
In S3/L2 delete “most” to maintain the metrical tone of the piece and in S3/L3 delete “he” and start the line with “did what”.
Metrically switching from 5 to 5 ½ feet per line is a nice change of pace to get away from the da dum da dum da dum… beat is fine with me. I have no problem with feminine endings but L12 has 6 ½ feet. Suggest dropping “from a” to make the line read:
“drank jugs, (the day was wet) got nun-afflicted” . Although, to be afflicted by nuns sounds like someone went to Catholic school.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Merlin
post Apr 17 16, 14:28
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Hi Larry,
I'm a bit late getting back to this. I have been on the road for most of the week past, and over the last 2 days have been downloading Windows 10. That now creates an entirely new learning process - not really that different but things have changed, like my favorites list is MIA, as is the "search" ability... still searching for search! They say goto C: wherever, but I can't even find where to begin placing the "C". Finding control panel and my computer isn't easy either, but if you wanna go shopping - Win10 has all at hand. Great. Grrrrate!

So now - thanks for the nudge to get a 2nd ticket, must do next time they let me out. Thanks also for looking at my Chortle bird, it was hopeless posting where it fledged from so I put it up at the top. I have no idea if anyone looks any further and for that matter - is anyone left? It was written in jest, likely doesn't warrant any more fixing.

Well, back to Win10 to see where things have disappeared to. There tis!

Merlin


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Larry
post Apr 17 16, 19:52
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Hi Merlin,

I know your "Chortle Bird" was written in jest and it was effective. Got a good laugh from it. My main reason for replying was to see if and when you installed W-10, was it or is it a disaster. I downloaded the 2.6+ gigabyte program and wound up using over 11 gig of my monthly allotted internet access. It kept downloading everything from Skype to some stuff I've never heard of so I shut it down and didn't install the program. I've read in a few places that once it is installed on your system, you can't go back! I still have it on my home computer in a temp file but until a lot of the bugs have been worked out I refuse to install it. Probably more from fear than anything else.

Anyway, please let me know how things pan out.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Merlin
post Apr 17 16, 20:14
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Re W10:
I was on the list for months, even did the google thing to see if I could download since nothing seemed to be happening. Every time they told me that they'd tell me when my turn came. Long forgotten, then I received a message that the time had come. Download would be 90 min, so don't shut down. Fine - I was going downtown anyway so I let it begin. Getting home, I had 11% downloaded in 4 or 5 hours - computer goes to sleep, everything stops. Not to worry, it downloaded (continue) in the background to completion while I was online in the evening, likely a few more stop-starts.

The download complete, now the installation. That took about an hour this morning. My major complaint is that the favorites are all missing, and there's no simple way to get them back. It's a common complaint as the google pages show... and to retrieve them sounds so easy - but where to begin? Just go to C:etc\username\blahblah but where do I now find C? It will take a good while looking at all the options, and some you need to right-click to go beyond.

All in all, it seems worth the effort and the learning process begins. That holds true with any changes. I recall that I was completely satisfied with W95, but then comes W98 and if you didn't update, there were no services available any longer for 95. You were forced to learn 98. We get set in our ways.

I've retrieved my favorites from memory, so it might be a good thing that ones I wasn't using anyway are flown away. Should you google for help, be aware that the top sites may well be ones that get you on the hook, and uninstalling could be next to impossible. I got the first fixit site downloaded which told me the usual you're-in-trouble-pay-me-to-come-in-and-fix... luckily I realized and dumped it. Buyer beware.

W10 looks okay, but we need to get used to it. There are many things that are made easy - most likely not for us, but for the young generation who downloads movies, music, shops, and those things. None of their apps are what I will be using.

I don't know if my diatribe helps, but I believe I'll be okay with 10 in a short while. The world is still turning.

Merlin


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Merlin
post Apr 17 16, 21:50
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Hmmm
it may take some looking, but all saved documents in the word processor are no longer here in 10

ok, I found a few things after much searching. If you consider downloading, make sure you back up EVERYTHING you might want for future. Sofar, all my documents are lost (word processor) and as yet I haven't chased down pictures. I do believe Picasa is coming in good.

I re-installed Picasa as the other didn't seem to fire up. OHboy, did those fixit sites come in full force. Had to uninstall four or more right quick. Each found hundreds of errors and offered to fix for fee, heehee!


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Psyche
post Apr 18 16, 03:09
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Hi Merlin and Larry,
Hey, I was given my W10 several months ago! But only on my laptop, cuz my desktop is far too old, I still have WindowsXP there...shame on me.

Trouble is, finally even Google and Firefox have dumped me, and my Internet Explorer is way too old for Bill Gates...grrr. So I'm forced to use my laptop until I can afford to purchase a new desktop, not a new screen or anything else, just the box thingy that has the hard disk and saves stuff. Mine is about 12 years old...I'm not one for throwing out machines that work, but now it's inevitable.

Some time ago I bought an exterior hard disk, so tomorrow I'll backup everything I've got! Hope it saves my fantastic screensaver, home-made by yours truly...you can't guess...well, it has 10 sliding pics of Kurt Cobain and his band. I designed them to alternate at hazard, as well as fading away and coming really close up!
He looks so handsome in all of them, can't remember where I pinched them.

W10: It's fine for me, and I've added several Google extensions, which figure in the top toolbar and are easy to access. Love the one you use to hover your mouse over pictures, photos, etc. to enlarge them. Great for FB!

Can't remember downloading W10. One day "it" downloaded itself, there was no option. I suppose it took a while. But with wifi everything connects to everything you have (my daughter brought me a tablet over from Chile, much cheaper there), so I can check my mail on it and yesterday I downloaded a "flipboard" that's stunning.

Way off subject now! I'm so glad Larry came over to check Herme's and found your Chortle Bird!! Thank you, Larry, because I learn such a lot seeing how you scan sonnets. So it's two in one, I can have my laugh and learn as well...

I'm sad that Lori posts the challenges on FB. She's got new interests and a new life, so I'm very glad about that. She's happy and that's what counts. When I have time, I'll copy the challenges and put them where they belong here.

Must off to bed now,
G'nite, Syl


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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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JustDaniel
post Apr 30 16, 14:39
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I got a chortle out of your bird, Merlin. It's just that I've not read ANYTHING in the crit sections for about two months. I've been in a bit of a funk, and also ended up in the hospital last week. They gave me 3 1/2 litres of fluid. Ya think I was dehydrated?

Anyhow I'm gonna try to do a bit more reading now, and I hope to get back into some of the challenges betimes. Right now I feel every bit of my 70 years, and I just don't have a whole lot of energy most of the time....

and I just buried my dog this morning.

sLightly draggin', Daniel sun.gif


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Psyche
post May 1 16, 00:43
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Oh my, Daniel, I'm glad to meet up with you again, but you seem to have been having rough times. The last part about your dog made me so sad...I love all animals. When I had to put down my last dog I felt awful, but life went on because my hubby was also sick and had to be cared for.

I just have my cat Scarlett now...and my husband died over a year ago.

So sorry about your ill health. I wonder why you were dehydrated? You're not into summer yet, so maybe your "funk" led you to abandon your personal care.

My doc says we don't need to take those 2lts. a day, unless we do some tough sport or running. Neither should one take much wáter with meals, or during 20 mins. after. It supposedly washes the nutrients away! But I take lots of glasses during the day, hope you do too!

I hope you feel better by now. And that you're getting inspired to write some lines. The Chortle Bird should have encouraged you to bring along something amusing, OK?

All the best,
Syl butterfly.gif





QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Apr 30 16, 16:39 ) *
I got a chortle out of your bird, Merlin. It's just that I've not read ANYTHING in the crit sections for about two months. I've been in a bit of a funk, and also ended up in the hospital last week. They gave me 3 1/2 litres of fluid. Ya think I was dehydrated?

Anyhow I'm gonna try to do a bit more reading now, and I hope to get back into some of the challenges betimes. Right now I feel every bit of my 70 years, and I just don't have a whole lot of energy most of the time....

and I just buried my dog this morning.

sLightly draggin', Daniel sun.gif


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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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