The Fishing Net, Wizard Award ~ A Sonnet Options

[Aggiel]

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

The Fsihing Net

The Kingdom God creates is like a net,
cast into open sea on sunlit days.
It traps all kinds of fish alive and wet,
as gulls explore above the surf and sprays.
When nets are full, men haul the catch aboard.
They pick good fish and put them in a pail;
bad fish are thrown away, no more to hoard.
Their boat is filled ; it's time to hoist the sail.
It will be thus when Jesus comes again.
The angels will preserve the worthy ones,
exploit the wicked into blazing chain;
who’ll wail and flap their fins by weight in tons.

Those who absorb His Word will lead His fold;
and from His storeroom, take both new and old.


The Fishing Net

The Kingdom of God is like a big net
cast into open sea on sunlit days.
It serves to collect fish of all kinds, wet,
as sea-gulls cry, bombard the surf and sprays.
When nets are full, men haul the catch aboard.
They pick good fish and  put them in a pail;
bad fish are thrown away, no more to hoard.
Their boat is full ;  it's time to hoist the sail.    
It will be thus when Jesus comes again.
The angels will preserve the worthy ones,
exploit the wicked into blazing chain;              
Who’ll wail and flap their fins by weight in tons.
Those who imbibe His Word will lead His fold,
bringing from His storeroom, both new and  old.

The Fishing Net

The Kingdom of God is  like a big net
cast  into open sea  on sunlit days;
it  collects fish of all kinds, live and wet,
as sea-gulls cry, bombard the waves  and sprays.
When nets are full, men haul the catch aboard
and  pick  good fish then  put them in  a pail.
Bad fish are thrown away, no more to hoard.
When all is done, it's  time to hoist the  sail.
It  will be thus  when Jesus  comes again.
 The angels  will put  aside  the good ones
and throw the  wicked into blazing  chain.                .
They'll  wail and grind their teeth, till set of suns.
Those who imbibe  His Word, will lead His fold,
and   bring from His storeroom, both  new and  old.

Agatha Lai  July 2005

Corrections:

L5, they replaced by men

L6    they..replaced by then



capital letter for kingdom

semi- colon after sunlit days



"|1127647740 -->

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Agatha - great to see you back here :) I hope you're well and all is ok?

OK, I'm only going to offer a little help here, as a sonnet uses specific meter I believe and I don't want to mess that up.

Your posting still has strange gaps (double-spaces etc).

I think "Kingdom" needs a capital as it is God's Kingdom.


The Fishing Net

The {k}[K]ingdom of God is  like a big net
cast  into open sea  on sunlit  days[;]
{and}[it]  collects fish of all kinds, live and wet ,
as sea-gulls cry, bombard the waves  and sprays.

(Here it almost needs a line-break but I'm fairly certain that would be breaking the rules).

When nets are full,  they haul the catch aboard

(it would be better if you could replace "they" with something more specific)

They'll  wail and grind their teeth, till set of suns.

(Grinding teeth a tad cliche?)

Those who imbibe  His Word, will lead His fold,
and   bring from His storeroom, both  new and  old.

Hope something helps!

Welcome back again.

James.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Aggie

An interesting comparison between fishing and selection for salvation on Jesus' return.

There is not much I can offer by way of a crit other then to say that your spacing needs to be sorted out.

Nina

[Aggiel]

Hi James,

Thanks for the welcome back .It's great to see you too. I am well, thanks.


 Yes, I'll ratify those gaps.  No, no line break for sonnets.


 I'll think of replacement for , " grinding teeth " or may keep it as it is very near
       the Scripture text which my poem is based on.

Thanks a lot for your help James.

Aggiel

[Aggiel]

Hi Nina,

Congratulations for your promotion. You really deserved it.

An interesting comparison between fishing and selection for salvation on Jesus' return

I am afraid it is a borrowed comparition from the Scripture,
not mine as you think.


Yes, I'll see to the spacing.

Aggiel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Aggiel,

I love the comparison you've made.  A few suggestions which I
hope don't mess things up.  Toss if they do! {omit}[add]

The kingdom of God is  like a big net
cast  into open sea  on sunlit  days[;]
[it]{and}  collects fish of all kinds, live and wet ,
as sea-gulls cry, bombard[ing] {the} waves  and sprays.
When nets are full,  [men]{they} haul the catch aboard
and  pick  good fish{;}  the[n]{y} put them in  a pail.
Bad fish are thrown away, no more to hoard.
When all is done, it's  time to hoist the  sail.
It  will be thus  when Jesus  comes again.
 The angels  will put  aside  the good ones
and throw the  wicked into blazing  chain.                .
They'll  wail and grind their teeth, till set of suns.
Those who imbibe  His Word, will lead His fold,
and   bring from His storeroom, both  new and  old.

The kingdom of God is  like a big net
cast  into open sea  on sunlit  days;
it  collects fish of all kinds, live and wet ,
as sea-gulls cry, bombarding waves  and sprays.
When nets are full,  men haul the catch aboard
and  pick  good fish  then put them in  a pail.
Bad fish are thrown away, no more to hoard.
When all is done, it's  time to hoist the  sail.
It  will be thus  when Jesus  comes again.
 The angels  will put  aside  the good ones
and throw the  wicked into blazing  chain.                .
They'll  wail and grind their teeth, till set of suns.
Those who imbibe  His Word, will lead His fold,
and   bring from His storeroom, both  new and  old.

"Grind their teeth" is somewhat cliche but I'm not sure what
you could use.  Considering they will be in agony maybe you
could go with something off-the-wall like "gnash their tongue".

They'll wail and gnash their tongue, till set of suns.

I don't know  *smiles*  Just an "off-the-wall" thought!
Well done and good to see you back.
Cathy

[Aggiel]

Hi Cathy,

It's good to see you too.

I can see a lot of good suggestions from you but I'll do so
off net and browse through them again.

Thanks a lot.




Aggie

[Aggiel]

Hi Cathy,

I am back with decision. On the whole I like the suggestions
you make and will  them. Thanks a lot.

But I'll keep grind the teeth because I do so , and I think everybody
else does , when I am mad. Apart from that I am a stick in the mud,
another cliche, I'll stick as far as I can to the Scriptures.

Thanks again for being so helpful.

Aggiel

[Cleo_Serapis]

Why hello Aggie!  :wave:  How are you?

I enjoyed thispiece and especially your metaphors of fishing nets/fishermen and God's Will.

I have a few ideas for you below to ponder. As always, please take or toss anything you wish.

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

The Kingdom of God is like a big net
cast into open sea on sunlit days;
it collects fish of all kinds, live and wet,
it serves to collect fish of all kinds; wet
as sea-gulls cry, bombard the waves and sprays.
as sea-gulls cry, dive-bomb the surf and sprays.
When nets are full, men haul the catch aboard
and pick good fish then put them in a pail.
Bad fish are thrown away, no more to hoard.
When all is done, it's time to hoist the sail. LOVE this!  :cheer:
It will be thus when Jesus comes again.
The angels will put aside the good ones
The angels will preserve the worthy ones,
and throw exploit the wicked into blazing chain;              
They'll wail and grind their teeth, till set of suns.
Who’ll wail and flap their fins by weight in tons.

Those who imbibe His Word will lead His fold,
and bringing from His storeroom, both new and  old.

[Aggiel]

Thanks Lori, I'm fine, but the muse is not with me.



I like most of your suggestions and will put the new poem up.

Aggiel

[jgdittier]

Dear Aggiel,
Sonnets seem to bring out the best in critiquers and to be polished better than other forms, and yours has.
My first thought is re the degree of deviation you allow yourself re the generally accepted primarily iambic meter. I suppose that is up to you and is determined by whose  approval matters. It seems to me that generally, versers are less willing to deviate from the accepted sonnet form than any other.
Lines 5 through 12 seem to me to be I.P.
I note too that "imbibe" is perfectly used dictionary-wise, but to me because it carries a negative connotation, might be a target for change.
I also think it might be helpful were the biblical reference cited.
Nicely done!
Cheers,    Ron,   jgd

[Aggiel]

Dear Ron,


I am glad lines 5 to 12 is I.P. That will leave me another 6 lines to work on.

To be on the safe side I'll stick to the accepted sonnet format and not deviate from the meters.

I was taking my chance on " imbibe" and hope to get away with it but cannot escape some experts'
eyes. :)  I'll think of a replacement.

Thanks for the nick picking.Please be around when he corrected poem is up.

Aggiel

[Aggiel]

Ron,

It is the part of writing that I enjoy; to chisel the poem bit by bit.

My revised poem is up for inspection.


Aggiel

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Agiel,

You are making the form look very easy here.  :pharoah2

Sorry to hear that the muse is not so active just now - hope to see more soon.

A typo has sneaked into the title of your revision (Fsihing).

No other 'nits' on the poem, but I might be tempted to argue the metaphor, if taken to its conclusion: the fish gasp and die, then are fried/baked/dried and devoured ... not such a celebration of love and care?

Hugs,

Fran

[JustDaniel]

I'm so sorry that I've not been able to be around much, Aggie...

but I really like this.  I've not been able to read through all the comments and the work you've done on this, but you've captured the parable extremely well. [ I'll have to email you the sonnet I wrote last sunday about Parables... but I think it's on my home computer; I don't have it here at work. ]

The only weak part is the language of the last four lines.  They feel quite forced and don't really do justice to the rest of the sonnet, which, in my opinion flows very well to that point.  I really want to help with this one, but right now I can't get my find to focus long enough between my work to do it justice...

but just know that I'll have this in mind, perhaps kicking some things around.

Forgive, please, my cursory treatment for now; I want to come back... before the Master comes to sort out the fish, hopefully!

deLightin' in your writin', Daniel  :cheer:

[Aggiel]

Hi Fran,

Nice of you to drop by to comment. Did I make the form look easy ? Still, no muse as yet. I hope she's with you.

No other 'nits' on the poem, but I might be tempted to argue the metaphor,
if taken to its conclusion: the fish gasp and die, then are fried/baked/dried
and devoured ... not such a celebration of love and care?

The idea is the kingdom of God is like a net that catches fish, the Christians,
Later the angels will  sort out the good ones from the bad. Good ones go to heaven,
bad ones to hell; if simlpy out.

Fish here as you say is  a metaphor, not plain fish, and  not to be
referred to literally.

Hugs


Aggiel

[Aggiel]

Hi Daniel,

Nice of you to drop by and write a general comment. It is appreciated.

Please forward your  parables to me. I am very interested.

I'll see to the last four lines. But I doubt I'll come up with any good lines.

By the way, I am not anxious that the master should come to
sort out the fish so soon, but I am hoping you will soon.



aggiel

[Cleo_Serapis]

Nice revisions Aggie!

~Cleo :pharoah2

[Aggiel]

Thanks a lot, Lori.



Aggiel

[Cleo_Serapis]

You are most welcome Aggie.