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Windy Bill (metrical revision 16 May 2009), limerick |
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Mar 22 09, 05:15
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Peggy Harwood
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Windy Bill (metrical revision)
Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte who so dearly loved beans and his flute. After chow he would blow from his head to his toe. Such a gassy old flute-tooting coot!
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
Windy Bill (Original)
Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte who dearly loved beans and his flute. After chow he would blow from his head to his toe, that gassy old flute-tooting coot!
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
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Guest_ohsteve_*
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Mar 22 09, 14:40
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Guest
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Mar 23 09, 20:44
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Hi Steve,
I'm so glad you liked it!!!!
Peggy
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Mar 26 09, 23:19
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Hi Ace,
Thank you so very much for reading and commenting!!! I'm glad you really like the last line!! I really like that one very much too.
As for line 2, it is eight syllables long and should be nine syllables, so I'm leaving it as it is. As for dropping the "s" in "toes," I think you have a good idea there, so I'm going to take your suggestion. Thank you!!
Again, thanks for reading and commenting!!! Much appreciated!!!
Peggy
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Mar 28 09, 04:56
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Creative Chieftain
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G'day Peg Whoooeeee. He He. Got a good belly laugh outa this one Peg. Boom Boom. Regards, John
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Mar 28 09, 09:42
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Hi John,
Ha! So glad you enjoyed it!!! Thanks for the appreciative words!!
Peggy
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Apr 22 09, 19:53
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Ornate Oracle
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HAHAHA....Peggy!!!! Great limerick, this one. Do bring on some more, please.
Hugs, Syl*** PS: BTW, L2 also makes me stumble slightly, tho' it may not be important.
How about: "who loved brown beans and his flute"? TorT...!!!
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Apr 24 09, 11:22
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Hi Syl, I'm so glad you like it!! I often find it difficult to be a bit risque without being downright vulgar and still be funny at the same time, but I was pretty happy with how this turned out. Yes, I think the line gives a slight stumble too, but the line was already one syllable short, so I can't substitute "brown," a one syllable word, for "dearly," a two syllable word. If I did I'd be two syllables short of nine syllables. I'll think on a substitute for a while. Again, thanks so much for reading and commenting!! I always appreciate your great feedback!! Peggy
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May 5 09, 10:18
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Peggy,
This is a well-crafted limerick. I've enjoyed it.
Mark
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May 5 09, 19:26
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Mosaic Master
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Ha ha ha Peggy! I think I might have one solution for your metrical issues - please see below... Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte who so dearly loved beans and his flute. After chow he would blow from his head to his toe, such a that gassy old flute-tooting coot! Enjoyed! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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May 6 09, 04:19
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Hi Peggy~
Do you see how you get all the males going!!!! :) In life we have to smile.
Enjoyed it
Bev
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May 16 09, 04:03
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Hi folks, I'm sorry I am so late responding and revising!! Thanks for the suggestions and observations!!! They are much appreciated!!!! Peggy Peggy
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May 16 09, 07:52
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Mosaic Master
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YAY Peggy! I think this is it - the rhythms are smooth! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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May 16 09, 08:17
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Hi Cleo, Thanks so much for your help!!!! Peggy
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May 16 09, 13:51
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Hello Peggy,
Verrrrry funny. I love a good limerick and this one was a "hoot".
I thought of another last line which you might think funny. It is not a crit because yours is perfect. Just something that came to mind:
"as green clouds emanate from his boot."
Larry
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May 16 09, 14:12
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Hi Larry, Haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! You're good at these!!!! Why not write one too? Peggy
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