Veins of Time, A Villanelle Options

[Larry]

Veins of Time

In umber shades he paints to camouflage
their bones beneath each wind-swept terraced hill,
once fecund shallow seas; now a mirage

which rises in the heat. Barren collage
consumed once mighty rivers; now a rill
in umber shades. He paints to camouflage

millennia of unmarked graves. Dressage
of death in strange ballets which seem to fill
once fecund shallow seas. Now a mirage

of red and ochre dust which tries to lodge
in every crack and crevice. Tears will spill
in umber shades. He paints to camouflage

what is exposed in canyons. Men massage
the ancient earth; knowing that where they kneel,
once fecund shallow seas, now a mirage,

shall yield their secrets from that past. Triage
of all those precious pieces they reveal
in umber shades. He paints to camouflage
once fecund shallow seas… now a mirage.


S3/L2 did have "seems to fill"
S6/L1 did end with "Hodgepodge" because I couldn't think of another rhyming end-word which might fit the circumstances.

[Psyche]

Dear Larry,

What a stunning villanelle! I love the words you've combined to write this attractive form of poetry.

I'm not sure I understand it properly. I think of a man standing by a canyon, paint brush in hand, 'camouflaging' with his painting all the secrets that lie deep below the rocky layers that mark millions of years of geological formations. Only the trickle of a river would be seen at the bottom of the canyon, instead of bygone mighty rivers or seas.

Are the men who massage the ancient earth archeologists carefully seeking fossils, bones, skulls, maybe even more significant remains of old civilizations, such as cemeteries?

The artist sees the view, whereas the others strive to expose what's deep below?

Dressage
of death in strange ballets which seems to fill
once fecund shallow seas.

Fantastic lines. I only think it should be 'seem', without the 's'.

Although 'hodgepodge' is the perfect term for what's been conceiled so deeply over millenia, still it sort of sticks out at the end of that line. Just me, TorToss!

Your villanelle deserves another read...it's gently philosophical as well as nostalgic, maybe it's an allegory about real feelings, sentiments and thoughts in the poet's heart and mind.

Thanks for sharing, and Happy Holidays!
Syl***

[Larry]

Hi Syl,

Thanks for stopping by for a read. You almost got my thoughts except it wasn't some artist with his easel standing on the canyon's lip. This was about "Time" as an entity.

You are absolutely correct about "Hodgepodge" and "seem" and both have been changed/corrected. Hope you like it better now.

Larry

[Psyche]

Hi Larry,

Thanks for the explanation of "Time" as an entity. That's even more philosophical, IMHO.

And I simply love the word 'triage' that you've chosen to replace the older term.

This is a truly beautiful piece, Larry. I wonder whether you're gathering your poems together for a publication? Hope so. I've seldom seen another poet produce such a continuum of excellent work.

Happy New Year!
Syl***

[Larry]

Hi Syl,

Glad you came back for a look and things were cleared up for you as far as "Time" versus "The Artist" and am pleased you like my "triage" change. Archeologists do perform a sort of triage on everything they discover/uncover to keep it safe for further study. I had pummeled my poor brain trying to come up with an appropriate end-rhyme and was sitting on the back porch drinking coffee and BAM, it hit me. Thanks Muse!!!

As far as a book of my poems, I have gathered 42 sonnets in a book form but can find no publisher interested in "old fashioned poetry". I would like to get some things published but what with all the social networking and on-line sites, people hardly read hard copy books anymore. If you want one, I'll send it to you and if Lori is interested in putting it on MM's book store shelves, I can send her one also. Too poor to self publish and too worried about plagiarism so what's a guy to do.

Again, thanks for the return visit and I appreciate the pleasure you have derived from my meagre offerings.

Larry

[Eisa]

Hello Larry

I hope you had a Happy Xmas!

I've just peeped in and found this awesome villanelle. Wonderful word choices! I especially like

Dressage
of death in strange ballets which seem to fill
once fecund shallow seas. Now a mirage

This is a form I still haven't tried. Whenever I feel inspired to write a form I always ends up as a sonnet or huitain.

I like your change from hodgepodge to triage. ( btw Hodge was my maiden name LOL!)

I can find no nits here, Larry. I've thoroughly enjoyed the read.

Happy New Year!

Snow

[JustDaniel]

Hey, Larry

I often struggle with the interpretation to any poem that requires thinking...

so I had trouble with this on my first reads, and I especially had difficulty with the connection of the title with what I was reading.

I was greatly helped when I came back there and read your revision and the interaction between yourself and Sylvia. I had understood a great deal of what you had written in excellent villanelle form, but I needed your help to put the details together.

I do think that the title may be misleading in a sense. I am not sure I understand the meaning of "veins" here. Can you help me with that.

always needing more Light, Daniel

[Larry]

Hi Snow and Daniel,

Thanks for dropping by and both of your kind words. Eira, I'm sure the word "hodgepodge" has no derogatory connotations pertaining to your maiden name but it is a funny coincidence.

Daniel, I'll be glad to explain my usage of "Veins". Earth's crust is normally in layers from deposits of igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary rocks forming a strata or band which is easily seen when wind, water, tectonic movement or glacial actions cut into the softer (mostly sandstone) surrounding formations. To me, this looks like large veins in the earth which were formed over a long period of time. These veins hold the evidence of life and death over millennia much like our blood can hold evidence of contaminants, viruses, diseases, etc.. The veins of Time hold everything that came before us and although no blood flows, vast amounts of information are held within.

Anyway, getting to preachy but I hope you get the gist of my thought process

Again, Thanks

Larry