Violet Options

[weaver]

I sit down to write and end up
reading everyone else?€™s poems
about death, flowers and airborne dogs.
The wreath of birdseed I hung on the spruce
is gone, even the string that held it
although a circle of seed lies on the snow
in a pattern of bird and squirrel tracks.

Six blocks away a woman I know lies dying;
a violet in the snow. Last night she did not
eat her ice cream. Outside her window
a bird-feeder full, sits untouched.
I wonder if the birds who claimed
my wreath will migrate to where she lies -
if their feathers like petals will moult into spring.

[greenwich]

I like the style the juxtaposition of imagery , especially being inward looking at another persons poem, so you became alike the bird, the finder of truth and indeed migratory observer.

[Heather]

Weaver, this is beautiful. My favorite type of poem,mi could read it over and over and find something new.
If I could make one suggestion, it would be to remove the final question mark- it would make it stronger, I think.
Heather

[RC James]

weaver - A very compact, precise meditation on death and our own changes that seem like small deaths. She didn't eat herice cream last night, is one of those side twists of hindsight, relevant or not, it occurs in the mind. Well done, R

[Eisa]

This is absolutely beautiful, Weaver and says much more than digested at first read.

I sit down to write and end up
reading everyone else’s poems
about death, flowers and airborne dogs.
The wreath of birdseed I hung on the spruce
is gone, even the string that held it
although a circle of seed lies on the snow
in a pattern of bird and squirrel tracks.

A very carefully worded first stanza, even the wreath of seeds signifies death.

Six blocks away a woman I know lies dying;
a violet in the snow. Last night she did not
eat her ice cream. Outside her window
a bird-feeder full, sits untouched.
I wonder if the birds who claimed
my wreath will migrate to where she lies -
if their feathers like petals will moult into spring?

'Last night she did not eat her ice cream' speaks volumes between the lines.
I agree with Heather that deleting the question mark might make the last lie stronger.

This poem is Weaver at her best!
Eira

[Luce]

Weaver,

I like this poem a lot. The line about the ice cream is simply beautiful for reasons stated above And, I do agree with others about changing the question mark to a period in the last line.

Also, I really think you can delete lines 1 through 3. It almost sounds as if you're talking to yourself, except you wrote it down, before you started to write the poem. There's that loose connection of death in the poems you've read and your own but for me it was more distracting than anything else.



Luce

I sit down to write and end up
reading everyone else’s poems
about death, flowers and airborne dogs.
The wreath of birdseed I hung on the spruce
is gone, even the string that held it
although a circle of seed lies on the snow
in a pattern of bird and squirrel tracks.

Six blocks away a woman I know lies dying;
a violet in the snow. Last night she did not
eat her ice cream. Outside her window
a bird-feeder full, sits untouched.
I wonder if the birds who claimed
my wreath will migrate to where she lies -
if their feathers like petals will moult into spring?

[K.S. Lenk]

A touching poem.

In the opening lines, you are searching for inspiration, or, at least, struggle to write, but you connect with others' topics in relation to your own story. The themes of death, flowers and animals and their meaning in all our lives.

I would lose the question mark, not necessary.

Perhaps I would also lose the icecream line and connect your question tighter to stanza one:
'a violet in the snow. Outside, her feeder sits full, untouched
and I wonder if the birds who claimed my wreath....' etc.

Just a suggestion.

Regards,
K.

[weaver]

Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions, I have removed the question mark I actually didn't have one and threw it in at the last minute.
The ice cream line stays for sure as it was pivotal in her decline and a bit of an inkling into the small things that indicate things are not well.
The day after I wrote and posted this, she passed away.

Cheers
W

[Heather]

Weaver- I'm so sorry for you loss. You've written a lovely tribute here.
Heather