 Red letters |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Sep 3 16, 11:35
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
Sodden Rain on Saturdays
deadens like a quirk. I think of gushing souls; battling Blackburn Rovers fans lose everytime against West Ham in the nineteen fifties; meeting their ends in hospices in nondescript towns, having never been without a cigarette in their thankless shifts. Did they regimen their children give them a backbone, the ability to draw a line; steadfastly questioning their redundancies under Thatcher's royal reign ? Good gene's and other people's' intentions makes for the eeriest of thoughts. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Sep 4 16, 14:34
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#2
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Nomad Posts: 32 Joined: 30-October 15 From: Canada Member No.: 5,277 Real Name: Deb Calverley Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
Hi Greenwich, been awhile - I really like the feel of this one, eerie is a good word and you've used it well! There are a few lines that stand out as real gems here and the entire piece winds together very well. Below, I"m not editing your poem, just pointing out the lines that i really love, particularly those first two that sodden rain on Saturdays, deadens like a quirk that is really really good!!
Cheers, enjoyed W Sodden Rain on Saturdays deadens like a quirk. having never been without a cigarette in their thankless shifts. Did they regimen their children give them a backbone, the ability to draw a line; Good gene's and other people's' intentions makes for the eeriest of thoughts. |
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Sep 5 16, 01:41
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thank you. It's good to be critiqued and so generously
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Sep 5 16, 14:48
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#4
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,875 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi again, Deb,
I have only been a visitor to Britain, so I donīt understand some parts of this interesting poem. As you've put Sodden Rain with Caps., it sounds as if it's a name of something, is it? Because qualifying rain as sodden is, IMO, not quite right. Never mind. I understand your poem refers to some teams, but of what? Rugby? Please help! I was never in Britain in the 1950's. The rest of the poem is great, as well as sad. Hospices in small towns. Redundancies. The last 2 lines make one reflect on life a lot. Good use of eerie. Maybe you could drop those 2 lines down to make them stand out powerfully? The title, Red Letters... Makes me think of prostitution, in this context. I'm probably way off.  I havenīt posted anything myself for a while. None of the staff is around, just me. Glad you've returned and hope others follow suit. Thanks for sharing, Syl  QUOTE (greenwich @ Sep 3 16, 13:35 )  Sodden Rain on Saturdays deadens like a quirk. I think of gushing souls; battling Blackburn Rovers fans lose everytime against West Ham in the nineteen fifties; meeting their ends in hospices in nondescript towns, having never been without a cigarette in their thankless shifts. Did they regimen their children give them a backbone, the ability to draw a line; steadfastly questioning their redundancies under Thatcher's royal reign ? Good gene's and other people's' intentions makes for the eeriest of thoughts. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Sep 5 16, 15:06
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#5
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thank you again . The game is football and Red Letter means a Memorable day.
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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