 Forever grateful **, Love |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Jan 7 16, 08:18
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
Forever Grateful
Stones are like jewels, when I appreciate your simplicity of the glee you show in sharing yourself. The house we could furnish with oyster shell walls and a paper chase with enough love notes to illuminate the potting shed. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jan 8 16, 00:30
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,861 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Anthony, Just read your poem. It's lovely and it intrigues me. The thought of furnishing the house with oyster shell walls is so delightful! (I believe 'shell' goes without the plural, if I've understood correctly). I don't know what a paper chase is, but that's just me, I don't speak English where I live. Will look it up. The final lines are wonderful. Your poem beams with love and originality of expression. I confess to not understanding the entire meaning of it. If you wish to give me a hint or two I'd be grateful. The first three lines stump me, sorry! Cheers, Syl*** QUOTE (greenwich @ Jan 7 16, 11:18 )  Forever Grateful Stones are like jewels, when I appreciate your simplicity of the glee you show in sharing yourself. The house we could furnish with oyster shells walls and a paper chase with enough love notes to illuminate the potting shed. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Jan 10 16, 08:41
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#3
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Antony,
like Syl, I don't completely understand this one but this hasn't spoilt my enjoyment of reading it. Forever Grateful Stones are like jewels, when I appreciate your simplicity of the glee you show in sharing yourself. What I take from these first lines is the person written about finds pleasure in doing things for you which makes you so happy that even stones seem like jewels. The house we could furnish with oyster shell walls and a paper chase with enough love notes to illuminate the potting shed. Wonderful descriptions here - I love oyster shell walls! A paper chase with love notes is lovely too, but I can't see the relevance of the potting shed. Is this where love notes are kept? I would love to see a little more details in this to help the reader along. However it is full of beautiful descriptions which I enjoyed. Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Jan 10 16, 14:41
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#4
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Eira you have read the poem perfectly. The narrator is happy to feel closeness to someone
He is aware his feelings are tentative so the comparsion to stones yet jewels is what he feels. He is also imagining a scenario with the person he loves, with sea shells and pasted love letters illuminating the garden shed Maybe a paper trail more than paper chase ······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jan 11 16, 18:15
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#5
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Babylonian Posts: 78 Joined: 13-November 15 Member No.: 5,294 Real Name: Krista van der Steen Writer of: Poetry |
The stone/jewel doesn't work for me. The sentence reads awkwardly and never relates clearly to a characteristic of the object of your desire.
It should, indeed, be paper chain and then the last sentence will be great, far outshining the awkward beginning. Regards, K |
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Jan 11 16, 18:22
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#6
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thanks Krista for your valuable comments
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jan 12 16, 10:44
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#7
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 Babylonian Posts: 97 Joined: 31-October 15 Member No.: 5,279 Real Name: J.S. MacLean (Joe) Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eisa |
Good job. I like short poems that get the job done. A few images tell a love story and the potting shed is love itself...least the way I read it. no nits
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Jan 15 16, 09:49
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#8
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Nomad Posts: 32 Joined: 30-October 15 From: Canada Member No.: 5,277 Real Name: Deb Calverley Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
Hi greenwich;
This is delightful, really, you nail it with the paper chase and the oyster shell walls, the illumination bit, you can see the place virtually glowing with a deep love. I'm going to slice and dice it even more, I think it's stronger. Just a suggestion! Cheers W The house we could furnish with oyster shell walls and a paper chase with enough love notes to illuminate the potting shed. |
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Jan 16 16, 09:07
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#9
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Nomad Posts: 32 Joined: 30-October 15 From: Canada Member No.: 5,277 Real Name: Deb Calverley Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
P.S
I really don't like the title, I meant to say that in my first reply it seems a bit too um how do I say it.... schmaltzy? Such a thoughtful delicate poem, the title I understand I just think it could be much more catching. Cheers W |
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Jan 16 16, 10:01
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#10
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 Assyrian Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
Greenwich - Very tender, straightforward and compelling. RC
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