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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Dec 12 15, 20:35
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#1
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 Nomad  Posts: 32 Joined: 30-October 15 From: Canada Member No.: 5,277 Real Name: Deb Calverley Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody  |
In the silence of my hotel room
sudden noise of building fans planes take off and land on the highway all the traffic hurries somewhere. I'm tired with nowhere to go Tomorrow is another day. |
  
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Dec 13 15, 01:14
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,875 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Sad, weaver, sad and lonely. In a few deftly used poetical words, you've described how a person feels trapped in a busy city. Perhaps a traveller, on business. I remember feeling terribly lonely at a posh hotel in Heathrow airport. My plane had been over-booked and the company paid THREE nights for me at that marvellous place. I even took the Underground to London to see a play, but had no money left for more shopping...LOL.. Of course I love London, but had already been in Britain for a month...time for home! The person in your poem appears to be lodged in a cheaper place. Dunno. Will return. Syl*** ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Dec 13 15, 13:50
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thank you for your experiences and economy of style, succinct equals easily shared message
/ imagery ······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Dec 13 15, 18:03
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#4
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
A short poem that says so much between the lines. I sense the loneliness and frustration. Good thing tomorrow is another day.
Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Dec 14 15, 03:40
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#5
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Babylonian Posts: 78 Joined: 13-November 15 Member No.: 5,294 Real Name: Krista van der Steen Writer of: Poetry |
Despite the dread that is felt here, the positive ending line of 'tomorrow is another day' seems rather sudden. Unless you mean it will be yet another day of drudgery.
The lack of punctuation is not something I mind, but it requires several reads to figure it out. All in all, it conveys a familiar sentiment, but I wonder if you could have done more with it. Regards, K |
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Dec 15 15, 16:06
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#6
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Nomad Posts: 30 Joined: 30-October 15 From: High Peak Member No.: 5,276 Real Name: Mike Daniels Writer of: Poetry |
Recent years - last twenty or so - I've lived with tinnitus as a permanent associate, never switches off though sometimes - the blessed times - the noise diminishes and is filtered through down.
Gives me a physical relationship with this piece, and that final sentence is a crushing moment however it was intended. Tomorrow will indeed be another day of damaged relationships and incomplete thought, and all down to the noise that accompanies life. Lovely writing though. Mike ······· ·······this is not a rebel song
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Dec 17 15, 09:13
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#7
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 Assyrian Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
weaver - good to see ou here, the refugees are gathering. Theline "I'm tired with nowhere to go." is ambiguous in a good way for me. I'm tired with having nowhere to go. A nice touch, perhaps only inmy ownmind. Cheers, RC
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Dec 19 15, 17:29
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#8
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Nomad Posts: 32 Joined: 30-October 15 From: Canada Member No.: 5,277 Real Name: Deb Calverley Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
Thanks everyone, yes it was a tiring time, not so lonely or miserable as it came across. Lots of work travel which has now ended I'm parked in front of the Caribbean Sea in Barbados. So it was all worth it in the end. ; )
Cheers W |
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