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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ Argh

Posted by: Billydo Aug 9 05, 16:07

Faery Award Winner

http://www.ladydorothea125.net/CelticCastleDesigns.html


Argh!

I am holding my hands over my ears, arghing.
I'll scream again -
                           argh -
                                      but
                                             you
                                                     can't
                                                              see
                                                                     or
                                                                          hear.

I'm too polite; not wanting to hurt your feelings;

                                        if
                                  I erupted,
                               it would only
                            make things worse.

But oh! To have leapt, like you, from the womb,
replete with the sum total of knowledge in the universe:
scientist, artist, wit, wag and all things double you.

I wish I could let rip;
I'm plastic faced,
stiff as tulle,
and as transparent.

I am  dakhma;
        Trappist;
        bit-lipped;
        as a grave.

Right, that's it,
you've done it now.
I'm going to be he-rude-ite;
construct an argument so nice;
dense, devilish, daedal,
that once lured in,
you will never escape ...

I wish ...

Argh!


First Version
Argh!

I am holding my hands over my ears and arghing.
I'll scream again -
                           argh -
                                      but
                                             you
                                                     can't
                                                              see
                                                                     or
                                                                          hear.

I'm just too polite; not wanting to hurt your feelings;

                                        if
                                  I erupted,
                               it would only
                            make things worse.

But oh! To have leapt, like you, from the womb,
replete with the sum total of knowledge in the universe:
scientist, artist, wit, wag and all things double you.

I wish I could let rip;
I'm plastic faced,
stiff as tulle,
and about as transparent.

I am  dakhma;
        Trappist;
        bit-lipped;
        as a grave.

Right, that's it,
you've done it now.
I'm going to be he-rude-ite;
construct an argument so nice;
dense, devilish, daedal,
that once sucked in,
you will never get out ...

I wish ...

Argh!





Posted by: Psyche Aug 9 05, 22:09

Hey Mike !

Happened on this just before bedtime ! Wow... it's kind of refreshing to read a transgressor like u !! It gets better & better (I admit the beginning didn't exactly attract me...).

But then....

I wish I could let rip;
I'm plastic faced,
stiff as tulle,
and about as transparent.

I am  dakhma;
       Trappist;
       bit-lipped;
       as a grave.

Right, that's it,
you've done it now.
I'm going to be he-rude-ite;
construct an argument so nice;
dense, devilish, daedal,
that once sucked in,
you will never get out ...

I wish ...

Argh!


Fantastic !! Shall return here when my eyes stop falling out of their sockets.

Argh !!

Sylvia  Shock  :p  :ring:

Posted by: Nina Aug 10 05, 01:02

Hi Mike

Ah, you have summed up the story of my life.  I've been there done that so many times that I've worn out the tshirt, saying nothing wishing I was brave enough to say what I feel, but only thinking about all the things I should have said once I have walked away and also knowing it would achieve nothing to let rip.  

A couple of suggestions

[add]  {delete} (comment)

I am holding {my} hands over my ears[,] {and} arghing.
I'll scream again -
                          argh -
                                     but
                                            you
                                                    can't
                                                             see
                                                                    or
                                                                         hear.

I'm {just} too polite; not wanting to hurt your feelings;

                                       if
                                 I erupted,
                              it would only
                           make things worse.

But oh! To have leapt, like you, from the womb,
replete with the sum total of knowledge in the universe:
scientist, artist, wit, wag and all things double you.  (.......I don't get what you mean by double you)

I wish I could let rip;
I'm plastic faced,
stiff as tulle,
and {about} as transparent.

I am  dakhma;
       Trappist;
       bit-lipped;
       as a grave.

Right, that's it,
you've done it now.
I'm going to be he-rude-ite;
construct an argument so nice;
dense, devilish, daedal,
that once sucked in, (.......perhaps swallowed instead of sucked in)
{you} will never {get out}[escape] ...

I wish ...

Argh!


I enjoyed the read and one day I too will manage to construct a brilliant argument and astound myself.

Nina





Posted by: Billydo Aug 10 05, 11:53

Hi Sylvia

Me, a transgressor? Surely not. Can I have a special transgressor badge?

Glad you enjoyed it.

Cheers

Mike

Posted by: Billydo Aug 10 05, 11:55

Hi Nina

This was an incident at work when I but my lip instead of taking the easy option and ripping into them.

I like your changes so I'll have a go at them later on.

Cheers

Mike

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 10 05, 19:15

Tee hee! grinning.gif

Why is it SHE always has the last word? ???

Never mind...

This is a very cool piece Mike! I like how you've shaped eah stana giving focus to the most important aspects.

I'll be back again soon - right now I can't see anything to nit... cool.gif

Cheers!
~Cleo :D

Posted by: Billydo Aug 11 05, 04:35

Hi Cleo

Thank you very much.

Cheers

Mike

Posted by: Psyche Aug 11 05, 12:55

QUOTE(Billydo @ Aug. 10 2005, 14:53)
Hi Sylvia

Me, a transgressor? Surely not. Can I have a special transgressor badge?

Glad you enjoyed it.

Cheers

Mike

Hi Mike !  :sun:

Yes, a poet transgressor !! (don't know what u do elsewhere... oops.gif )

And that's a great idea, let's have an Award for transgressors. I hereby propose to Lori (beep beep, Looooooooooooooooooori.....??) that she add a plaque to her long list of awards: one for super original stuff, cool layouts, nothing trad,
inventive language and whatever else constitutes lawlessness in verse...  

[marquee]:p  :alien:  :medusa:  :upside:  :wizard: [/marquee]

As far as I'm concerned, you've earned your badge already    :cool:

Check ya later,
Syl  :turtle:

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 11 05, 19:19

QUOTE(Psyche @ Aug. 11 2005, 13:55)
Hi Mike !  sun.gif

Yes, a poet transgressor !! (don't know what u do elsewhere... oops.gif )

And that's a great idea, let's have an Award for transgressors. I hereby propose to Lori (beep beep, Looooooooooooooooooori.....??) that she add a plaque to her long list of awards: one for super original stuff, cool layouts, nothing trad, inventive language and whatever else constitutes lawlessness in verse...  

[marquee]:p  alien.gif  medusa.gif  upside.gif  Wizard.gif [/marquee]

As far as I'm concerned, you've earned your badge already    cool.gif

Check ya later,
Syl  turtle.gif

Psssstt - oh Psyche ....

Why GollY! I know the PUUURRRRFECT  :kitty: award!

The Faery Award fits your idea here.....
Idea.gif

Whatcha think?
Guitar.gif

Posted by: Billydo Aug 16 05, 16:16

Hi Cleo

Thanks you very much. I'm pleased you enjoyed my transgression.

Cheers

Mike  :devil:

Posted by: Psyche Aug 16 05, 22:15

Hi Cleo !   sun.gif


Psssstt - oh Psyche ....

Why GollY! I know the PUUURRRRFECT   award!

The Faery Award fits your idea here.....


Whatcha think?



Arghhhh !!!!  Speechless.gif  :p  ghostface.gif

But if ya ain't got anything more transgressive for this rebel called Mike, then it's the Faery Award, definitely. I shall try to find my way back to the Nom's forum right away... and once there, I shall make one of my own transgressive suggestions for Noms that nobody takes note of....ha...ha....  oops.gif  upside.gif

Arghhhhh......!!!

Wonderful poem, Mike, don't mind me, I'm the one that starts arguments and then slips off to have a beer with me pals...  grinning.gif  cheer.gif

Best,
Sylvia  turtle.gif





Posted by: Billydo Aug 17 05, 02:21

Ooh ta!

I'm of to the Lake District to wander lonely with my Pink Things
in th'ills for a few days.

Catch yer at weekend.

Mike

Posted by: Jox Aug 17 05, 02:35

Hi Mike....

I take it your yellow things are already there? (Somewhat unseasonally).

Have fun.

J.

Posted by: Billydo Aug 17 05, 03:28

Ta James

Just killin' time while they complete their ablutions ... snore.

M

Posted by: Jox Aug 17 05, 03:40

M,

You haven't built them a bathroom each??? Rod for your own back, if you ask me!

J.

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 19 05, 05:21

Congrats Mike on your faery award winning tile! claps.gif

Well done! PartyFavor.gif Balloons.gif

~Cleo :)

Posted by: Nina Aug 19 05, 06:44

Hi Mike

Congratulations on your Faery Award for this poem and the reminder of how I have felt many a time - Argh....

Nina

Posted by: Jox Aug 19 05, 07:23

Well done Mike - "Join MM and get a Free Faery" - now how's that for an offer?

Hope the Lakes' trudging is going well.

All the best, J.

Posted by: Cathy Aug 19 05, 08:26

Congratulations on a well deserved award!!

Posted by: Don Aug 19 05, 09:02

Congrats on you latest award.

Don

Posted by: Billydo Aug 19 05, 13:45

Thanks y'all.

Being a transgressor, I would like to give my acceptance speech in the nude, except for my best dickie bow.

Oops ... can hear dibble. Best get dressed again.

blush21.gif

Enjoyed being away in the lakes ... have decided to go again next week.

Yeah!

Thanks for the   claps.gif award (It looks like something other than clapping to me).

Cheers

Mike

Posted by: Jox Aug 19 05, 16:30

Hi Mike,

The Nude is fine - I do't think anyone will notice but I'll fight for your right to do it naked. (Did you walk the Lakes like that? Did you carry a copy of Wainright as a quick cover-up for your hairy knees, in case you met someone who couldn't cope?)

As regards the clapping yes, as soon as it appeared - one came to the conclusion that "smilie" was a hedgehog involved in a solitary activity. I can never see it without laughing now. And I never think of Mr Tiggywinkle in the same way.

Do you like that circularity? Betrix Potter was from the Lakes, I believe.

Cheers, J.





Posted by: Psyche Aug 20 05, 10:28

QUOTE(Billydo @ Aug. 19 2005, 16:45)
Thanks y'all.

Being a transgressor, I would like to give my acceptance speech in the nude, except for my best dickie bow.

Oops ... can hear dibble. Best get dressed again.

blush21.gif

Enjoyed being away in the lakes ... have decided to go again next week.

Yeah!

Thanks for the   claps.gif award (It looks like something other than clapping to me).

Cheers

Mike

G'mornin', Mike ! sun.gif

Permission granted (dickie blow included). Hope u enjoy the Lakes. I doubt whether Beatrix Potter wandered around in the nude, tho'....don't scare off her admirers, Mike, I can't imagine them as transgressors.  :speechless:  Perhaps James Barrie or Lewis Carroll would fit the picture better?   oops.gif

Anyway, to show you that I really did my best to get you a super original badge, you can visit:

http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi?act=ST;f=44;t=3482;st=32

where you'll be able to read my proposal, right at the bottom of the page...  Shock  :p   All the same, I think the Faery Award is absolutely deserved and I'm terribly pleased that Lori agreed.  :pharoah2

Have a great weekend,
Sylvia  :turtle:

Posted by: Billydo Aug 21 05, 04:11

Hi James

No Wainright, but I did have a map in a map case to do the job.

Didn't know much about BP but just checked  on the web... apparently she was born in South Kensington but gradually developed a base in Sawrey and lived in the lakes most of her life.

William Wordsworth was born in Cockermouth which was a gnats from Keswick where we went last week, and are going this.

Whilst walking around Keswick, I saw a garden with Petunias (the trumpet shaped flower? ... no gardener me) arranged in mini wheel barrows and borders and they reminded me of the Stretford Pageants when I was a kid ... so I have a poem in progress about that, but I am structuring it as a poem within a poem as a flashback.

Cheers


Mike

Posted by: Billydo Aug 21 05, 04:19

Hi Sylvia

Thank you for nominating me for the award.

I followed the link, so thanks again. It's a brilliant feeling when someone appreciates your poetry and one that's still fairly new to me, so all the more gratifying.

hsdance.gif

Cheers

Mike

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