Member Choice Winner for Nov, 2003, Congrats to..... Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

The November, 2003 Member's Choice results are in!  

Congrats to Cleo_Serapis for winning our November Member's Choice Award with her tile, 'Bobbing for Turkeys'!!

WAY TO GO "C"!

Your entry will be displayed along with a 'special graphic' in your signature! You have led your Muse to bask in the glory of the crown jewel.    

Congratulations! You have added a tile to our Mosaic in style. Thank you!   JOY to you, oh mighty one!            

Cheers!
Mosaic Musings Staff              

Member Choice Award Winner

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

I was inspired to write this one by a good friend and co-worker of mine, Bev. Miss Beverly, I know I can't convey this story as you do, but I do hope I've gotten the gist of it down properly. My muse thanks you for the chuckle!

Bobbing for Turkeys – the Annual Event

Time to get into the groove! Ready. Set. Hands in. Head low. Butt up ~ bob away!

It’s funny how the months always seem to creep up on us, kinda like undies that were left in the dryer a tad too long, eh? I had procrastinated long enough. The time had come; my annual bobbing for turkeys extravaganza was here.

I decided I best get my butt to market on the way home from work. As I pulled into the parking lot, two cute little old ladies headed into the Shop & Save. Well, let me be honest. I nearly crashed into these two oblivious chatters, and it looked to me as if the carts were walking them into the market, not the other way around.

No matter. I had a plan, if ya know what I mean. Get in. Get my turkey. Get out. Yeah right! I bolted to the freezer with the sign overhead, “Turkeys here!” proudly displayed. I looked left, I glanced right, but alas, I could not find the one for me! Where was my 20 pound frozen Empire Kosher Turkey hiding?

Just then, a loud CRASH sent me spinning round and round. Ahhh – and there he is – in aisle five with a baker’s dozen of Hellman’s Mayo at his feet. Now I wonder, “Does Hellman’s really ‘bring out the best’? Anyway, since no one else came to his rescue, I figured now was the time to ask for help.

“Excuse me. Do you have Empire Kosher Turkeys? I looked in the bin and I didn’t see any.” I asked politely trying not to inhale as I pointed to the freezer full of turkeys. By the look on the clerk’s face, I think that Mr. Grocer had gone on a little rocket trip on his dinner break, but no matter to me.

He barked up at me, “What dude? I stocked them myself. They’re in there.”

“Are you sure?” I replied with a soft-spoken voice.

“I’m telling ya lady, they’re in the bin. I put them in there this morning. You just have to dig down a little. Get it? DIG!” With that said, he went back to his clean up.

Now, would you believe this? One of those little old ladies came up to me just as I was about to head back over to the freezer.  Out pops this powerhouse voice with a screeching New York accent. “Excuuuuuse maie. Did Oiye hear you say “Empoier”…Koshoier toikeys? I can’t find them either.”

“Yes ma’am. That’s right. Empire –“

“DO YOU MOIND? Can I follow you to see if they have any? I’m sorry, my sister Claire, in aoile three, well…she wants one too. Do you moind?”

She certainly wasn’t shy. “I’m going over there right now,” I yelled to her since she was waving to Claire. “You can follow me, but I’m going RIGHT NOW.” I sternly replied to her, as I didn’t want to drag this thing out if I didn’t have to.

And so it was, the bobbing for turkeys tradition began. Head first into the bin I went. I reached in and tried to find an Empire, and sure enough, I thought I saw a few at the very BOTTOM of the pile. This was going to take more effort than I had anticipated.

Down the back of my neck it found me, making my hairs stand on end; that screeching voice again, “Do you see any fifteen or sixteen pound toikeys in there?” Boy, that lady could yell!

Have you ever seen a lady with a skirt on head first in a pile of frozen turkeys? Not a pretty sight! I just wanted to get out of there! I put my head down low, and reached for the twenty. “I have a twenty pound turkey here stuck to my hands actually ma’am,” I yelled up toward the light. “Give me a minute here to thaw.”

“Oh no. Do you haaaave anything smaller? Those twenty pounders get so droooooiye.” She looked at her sister Claire, who had joined the party with us at the bin, and continued, “Right Claire – too DROOOIYE! How about a nice fifteen or sixteen pound toikey? You know, those big toikeys tend to be so droiye!”

In my haste to be free from this experience, I let go of the turkey and it bounced into my cart. I felt a wincing pain in my right index finger, and YUP, sure enough, the nail had been held captive. It ripped my nail clear off, down nearly to the cuticle! I turned to grab a paper towel from the, yep, you guessed it, empty roll on the case and luckily, my new friends noticed.

Claire, the quiet one, actually spoke up! “Oh deah, you’ve cut yerself. Here now, let me get you a napkin or somethin to clean that up. Yer bleedin all over the toikeys.”

“Ma’am, why don’t you just take this one,” I pleaded as she stared at the tom. “I’m looking for a larger one anyway.”

Again, the reply came, too big and too dry. She pushed it back into my sopping wet coat, smiling at me with rotting teeth and atrocious breath.  I can’t believe this. “Let the bobbing continue.” I said aloud.

Back into the freezer I went, no turkey’s gonna outwit me! I plucked another and another and hurled them like a shot put into my cart. “Just take one of these. I can’t feel my fingers anymore.” I pleaded for this to be over before I’d lost all feeling in my limbs.

And then it came, like a bad dream. “Well…I don’t know. How big are they?”

“LADY! Please, just take them! They’re nineteen and seventeen pounds. It’s all I could find in there! We took the last three Empires, ok!” At this point, icicles had formed on my hair.

They both stood silent for a century or so, and then it came. “Do you Moind? Would you put them in the basket for us? I’m still not convinced that you can’t find what we want young lady.”

“Lady, like I told you before, I don’t work here. That’s it! Here you go!” I hurled the two smaller turkeys from my cart into the two old bags cart’s before they could object. And all I wanted was a 24 pounder. Simple. Quick. Check out. Go home. Relax.

I should’ve pushed my cart away then, but well, I guess I wanted to hear a thank you first. It didn’t come.

“You know, you’re very abrupt. I don’t like your attitude.  I’m going to have to talk to the manager about you.”

“Lady… I DON’T WORK HERE!”

“Well it’s a good thing then that you don’t woik here. Cuz if you did, I’d have to report you to the manager! Claire, let’s get out of here!”

I passed Rocket Man in aisle five still cleaning up the spill. He waved to me and with a big grin said, “Better you than me lady. Happy Thanksgiving!”

© 2004 Lorraine M Kanter
All rights reserved as an unpublished work.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Well done Lori with this festive foul, famous fictionally for flying feathers!

A good story with beautiful plumage. I trust the extra basting was worth it?

Stuffing anyone?    

James.

[Aphrodite]

Congratulations Lori~A well-deserved win, for sure. Wait until Bev hears how her real life situation inspired you to write a winner!

Enjoy the crown!

Hugs and blessigns~
Lindi

               

[Cleo_Serapis]

Well done Lori with this festive foul, famous fictionally for flying feathers!

A good story with beautiful plumage. I trust the extra basting was worth it?

Stuffing anyone?    

James.

LOL Jox!

Thank you for nominating this piece as well!  :dance:


I've told Bev and now I have a new consultant to help create more real life stories, whipppeeeeee!

Hugarooos!
~Cleo

[Cleo_Serapis]

Congratulations Lori~A well-deserved win, for sure. Wait until Bev hears how her real life situation inspired you to write a winner!

Enjoy the crown!

Hugs and blessigns~
Lindi

               

Tee hee  :blush21:  :grinning:

Thank you Lindi!  :lovie:

Now, you know how Bev reacted  - who was smiling MORE?  :rofl:



This was a fun one!

HUGAROOOOOOS!
~Cleo  :pharoah: