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> 'Short Rondeau', (Corrected) ~ Thanks, Merlin!
JustDaniel
post May 7 13, 10:16
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Merlin has introduced us to what we will call 'short rondeau' by quoting a piece by James Henry Leigh Hunt:

QUOTE
Jenny Kissed Me

Jenny kissed me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have missed me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kissed me.

- James Henry Leigh Hunt

Simply by observation, I conclude that the specific meter of each line is probably up to the writer, so long as the metrical pattern continues throughout the poem up to the concluding phrase (a repetition of the opening segment of the first line) and that the rhyme pattern is as follows:
A
b
a
b

c
d
c
R of A (d)

Note: previously we'd not recognized that L6 should rhyme with the closing fragment ( 'rentrement' ) A


Since Merlin offered this comment when he referred to Hunt's poem:

QUOTE
Global warming has finally arrived in my region, so I'll most likely be away from the keyboard much of the time, getting my fix of vitamin SUN!

Merlin

... I found it necessary to challenge his 'lame excuse' (tongue-in-cheek, of course) with my own very first 'short rondeau' fashioned after his example:



Merlin's Hiding


Merlin's hiding in the sun --

saying that he'll do no writing?

Time, you thief, you get it done --

use that laptop you've been slighting.

We are weary; no excuse!

Say no more your health's dividing.


Lounging there on his caboose

Merlin's hiding.



© MLee Dickens'son 2013

correction: L6 previously: Say no more your health prevent's it.



We hope that y'all will give the form a try yourself!

deLighting in the prospect, Daniel
sun.gif


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Larry
post May 7 13, 13:45
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Hi Daniel,

I don't know if Merlin is kidding or not but, like you, I find it very difficult to believe he'd stop posting just to lay in the sun after offering us that delightful "short rondeau".

If I may, let me continue with another gentle prod in the same genre!

Merlin's Shadow

Merlin’s shadow lies beneath

caught within the lawn chair’s lattice

while he’s letting warmth bequeath

thaw to wintered bones. Sun’s gratis

lured him from the forum’s halls

where promise began a new show.

Absent now, Spring’s sunlight calls

Merlin’s shadow.


Larry


Thanks for the heads-up on L6 & 8 rhyme.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
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Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post May 7 13, 16:46
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I don't know whether to say, Bravo, Larry!

or

Hear, Hear, Merlin!

deLightingly, Daniel sun.gif


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Merlin
post May 7 13, 23:40
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Chopping dandelions’ heads
from the back and front and side lawn;
but I know and now I dreads
their return, most likely new dawn!
How the sun shone loverly,
bucket, pick-ax, both were handy;
music played, tho clancularly,
Chopin dandy.


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Maureen
post May 8 13, 17:14
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What an absolute delight to read these four submissions, I am now inspired to have a try at this form of poetry. Thank you

Cheers

Maureen


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Larry
post May 9 13, 00:32
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Well, We’re Waiting!

Maureen muses, try her hand
writing rondeaus in this short style.
I think this might be real grand
make Merlin, Daniel and me smile.
Climb aboard these rondeau trains
though their missing their cabooses
but this question still remains…
Maureen's muse is...?



Merlin & Daniel, thanks for the correction in form!


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Maureen
post May 9 13, 05:20
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Well Larry you asked for it - wait no more - Maureen did. I liked your poem no ones every written one for me before. Be still my heart laugh.gif wub.gif


NOW SUMMERS GONE

Summers gone, winter approaches,
mornings now are cold and crisp.
Dew lies heavy on the grass
and sun comes late. Merely a whisp
of mist still lingers
trapped in hillside valleys deep
hidden from wan sunlight fingers.
Summers gone.

Maureen Clifford © 05/13


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Merlin
post May 9 13, 10:10
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Summer’s gone? It’s just arriving
after cold and lots of snowfall.
Time has come for tan-reviving,
swimming, fishing, playing baseball!
Ozzie folks, another tale –
winter time is coming on;
get your woolies, they’re on sale…
summer’s gone!


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Merlin
post May 9 13, 10:33
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Daniel wrote a short rondeau
wanting folks to criticize it,
come-on, then, and don’t be slow,
make it fair – don’t compromise it!
Cross your eyes and dot the tees,
note or quote, promote, connote
anything from eh? to zzzzzs
Daniel wrote.


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Merlin
post May 9 13, 11:06
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Larry jumped into the pool
where you find the poets swimming,
grabbed a thread, a silver spool
and began his sewing, trimming
here a little, there some more,
never baffled, never stumped
till he had the proper score…
Larry jumped!


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Larry
post May 9 13, 14:42
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Planting Rows

Planting roses now complete,
Merlin dropped in for an hour
joining in this rondeau treat.
Yard work stopped by passing shower?
What had blocked his bath of sun?
He's now back to poems and proses
with reports of how much fun
planting rows is!


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Maureen
post May 9 13, 17:09
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Oh thats a great word play Larry - well done goodjob.gif

It always seems weird Merlin that the seasons are opposite depending on where you live - our traditional Chiristmas celebrations xmaswindow.gif usually take place on beaches or in back yards in sweltering heat and not a skerrick of snow to be seen anywhere and yet we still cling to the tradition of sending christmas cards with snow , holly and red robins on them although to be fair I suppose not so much these days.

You excelled yourself with not one but three new rondeau thumbsup.gif

Cheers

Maureen


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JustDaniel
post May 9 13, 18:56
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Uncrit Tickle

No one's offering critique,
but of course the thread is growing.
In this forum, that's unique,
though our Karnak wind keeps blowing,
bringing Merlin back inside
to lay out wise observation.
Masterfully his words will chide
no one.

© MLee Dickens'son 2013


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JustDaniel
post May 9 13, 19:11
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Maureen...

Thank you so much for spurring us on. We hope that you'll continue joining in the fun [though likely Lori may soon intervene here and transplant this thread into a new one in Karnak called "Short Rondeau" !!]


Overheard Down Under

When it's spring, it's autumn there
in South Africa, Australia.
While we beach, it's snowing where
you are living, so we'll hail ya,
wishing you a cozy night
snuggled with a book for its zing.
Fall comes as your heat ignites
when it's spring.

© MLee Dickens'son 2013


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JustDaniel
post May 9 13, 19:24
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QUOTE (Maureen @ May 9 13, 06:20 ) *
Well Larry you asked for it - wait no more - Maureen did. I liked your poem no ones every written one for me before. Be still my heart laugh.gif wub.gif

Love it, Maureen!!

Here is a missing apostrophe, plus a couple of suggestions to even out your metrical flow somewhat -- for you, of course, to take or toss:


NOW SUMMER'S GONE

Summer's gone, winter approaches,
mornings now are cold and crisp.
Dew lies heavy on the grasses;
and sun comes late. Merely a whisp
of morning mist, and it still lingers
trapped in hillside valleys deep down
hidden from wan sunlight fingers.
Summer's gone.

Maureen Clifford © 05/13


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JustDaniel
post May 9 13, 19:38
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Mock Critique

Merlin's mocking, but I'm happy
he has not put down his pen.
When you challenge him, he's scrappy
proving he's no handyman
but a master writer, friend,
sharing insight, often shocking.
Thus with joy I comprehend
Merlin's mocking.

© MLee Dickens'son 2013


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Cleo_Serapis
post May 10 13, 07:03
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What an interesting variation, Daniel and Eric! smart.gif

I shall give this a try (next week as I am traveling for a few days).

Cheers,
~Cleo pharoah2.gif


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Merlin
post May 12 13, 12:21
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Now that our “shorts” are nicely in place, I’ll come along and make a small correction to the “rules” above.

The rhyme scheme of the short rondeau is this >>>
[A]bcbcdadA.

The first “A” is the opening phrase of L1, which becomes the repeated refrain (“R” sometimes) or rentrement in French.
Important to note is that this “R” rhymes with L6, which makes the 2nd quatrain rhyme dadA.

There is almost no end to rondeau possibilities. Rondel, roundel, roundelay, triolet, virelais, chant royale, and a variety of others exist. Repetition is required, and most often, line lengths are equal, usually octa- or deca- syllabic. You are completely within your rights (or tights) to bend or break the rules!


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JustDaniel
post May 12 13, 14:02
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Thank you so very much, Eric! I think I've taken care of my explanation in the opening of the thread.

Please let me know whether you concur!


I Bow Corrected

I'm corrected; now I've said
differently what you've observed.
Hope it now has trued the thread
so our readers will be served.

All my short rondeaux's line six
now I've also redirected
slightly, so what needs a fix,
I've corrected.

© MLee Dickens'son 2013


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Merlin
post May 12 13, 14:55
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We pass the plate from here to yon
and fill it full of rondeau lore
so poets now can chance upon
a wisdom bit long hankered for.
Now virelais, I say to you,
go to the pen, unlock the gate
break out the rondeaux true or blue –
we pass the plate!


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