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Posted on: Apr 10 15, 05:00 |
Nomad
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Member No.: 793
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Wow, on the trails. I've seen this exact imagery. It's nice when you can bond with someone's poem, and know exactly what they see. The thistles, those awful things, will turn into something beautiful, like the 'tresses that bounce,' and the reflections that greet it. Beautiful nature poem. |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #137098
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Posted on: Apr 10 15, 04:55 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Wow, great images and emotions that went into this piece. I like the flaming torch image and the buttoned up bud. Scary, it expresses to me, anyway, the powerful environment with all its problems. You've expressed this so articulately. Thanks, great read! |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #137097
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Posted on: Mar 9 15, 12:24 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Thank you Eisa, I tried to use your advice in my own way. I still need to revise some more I think |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #136925
· Replies: 3
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Posted on: Mar 5 15, 12:55 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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The turquoise ocean whimpers and howls the frothy waves hit the rocks and the moss formations of the shore
The cypress tree poses symmetrically her branches forming an innocent design her leafy top like a little cap
The bleary eyes of the sun appear in the sky the ocean looks mighty and stands alone musing and dancing conducting its choir of loud and soft but discernible sounds
Right here now amidst my fever I bask in the green-blue life letting it pull me turn me around sending me on my way as I let go and drift into its free and easy song |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #136873
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Posted on: May 2 14, 05:22 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I completed a new revision. Thanks for the critique Eisa. |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #134619
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· Views: 6,119
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Posted on: Mar 20 14, 13:22 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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The birth of spring a renaissance of new life patterns beginning again as intoxicating scents of blossoms and greenery or a soft tear of a raindrop on a petal
We slow down and let our relaxation spin us around a little carefree and innocent childlike - we discover anew the water adrift - our bodies serene We are full of creativity and dream of romance
Songs of the breeze a white cottage where our spirits reside We relive this vibration year after year each time a fresh new outlook where dew leaves its impression on our minds - a new start - the beginning of a new adventure |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #134307
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Posted on: Sep 29 13, 11:29 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I have experienced people dying of AIDs, and I understand the desolate, sense of "forgotteness" these people have. I had a girlfriend die at age 36, "Tears" at Authspot.com. She was so beautiful, talented and young and was taken from us. What could she have said to herself, except "It's my fault!" I still think about her and miss her. One thing for sure, during the days right before her death, a sense of peace overcame her. She just went with the flow in the present moment. Beautiful communication - such a hard thing to describe, but you did it remarkably well. So sad, thank you, jeanne |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133284
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Posted on: Sep 20 13, 13:15 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Some things are timeless and having babies is definitely one of them. What a beautiful mother-child bond. You are one with your baby and always will be, as I picked up from the nature images and the love as "ancient" - something that always was and always be. Thank you. |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133256
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Posted on: Sep 20 13, 13:10 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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How beautiful and dreamlike this was such a flowing piece I loved all the nature images and how softly they moved throughout the poem, thank you |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133255
· Replies: 11
· Views: 7,859
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Posted on: Sep 10 13, 04:51 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I looked it up and finally saw what everyone meant by ***. I will use a ** for now, just to see how it goes. Thank you again, jeanne |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133192
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· Views: 4,400
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Posted on: Sep 9 13, 09:42 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Dear Psyche, Thanks for telling me about the typo. As for the ***, I have no idea what you're talking about or when I put that in. Yes, of course my poetry needs criticism for me to grow. I'd like to know how to change it, I can't find where I put it. Tell Lori thanks too. jeanne Another problem, my book is on this website's store, I don't want to seem too dim. But I know there's plenty wrong with poem. So, go ahead. |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133189
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· Views: 4,400
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Posted on: Sep 5 13, 07:54 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I've felt much loss about my life but now I'm going through changes the little things that irked me so have dissipated in the atmosphere...
the blossom of hope unravels that yellow lotus flower it brings the stranger of my higher self inside my anxious mind
I visualize and imagine feel quiet peace within my cat like paws lead me softly to truth the blue gloaming night the pink/violet dawn I feel completely whole once more lit up by the message of life... |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #133161
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Posted on: Jun 18 13, 07:24 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Marigolds and daisies in my garden lean kindly towards the golden sun, the light intensely reflects off my skin leaving it slightly tan - images of blue ocean water start to drift and float through my mind. I close my eyes and envision wandering aimlessly on my back on top of the water moving low tide serenely up and down, such peace...
The trails are a brilliant jade glowing a rush of clear air revives the trees - blowing - the meadow lights up and an aura of light appears to open the way for all animals to graze in delicate, mysteries of life and calm. |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #132436
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Posted on: May 11 13, 04:16 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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The busy rat race of competition makes us angry, cold, and insincere
The outer world brings trials of insensitivity the wanting of the material the luster of gold and white diamonds
We need to face it embrace our bold, blue hearts bring out the delicate shimmering lily of gentleness
We need to be soft and kind as the deer The baby fawn who puts her nose on our window
The scurrying bunny quiet and peaceful her image of wonder scurrying peacefully about
Our relationships will be totally unconditional if we add gentleness and look within our bright souls
The song of sweetness, goodness and compassion will fill our spirits with energy and life |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #131818
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· Views: 2,586
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Posted on: May 27 12, 06:40 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I'm a seagull turning the wind into music hiding out in my tree containing all my bird knowledge which must be remarkable They FLY after all... They soar
I'm soaring through life connected to the heavens like the birds and sharing the celestial knowledge bringing a bit here and a bit there back to the earth
Seeing the world move by so quietly so quickly...so birdlike
They see tops of trees That must be nice and clouds...
They look down at the earth intensely taking it all in... celestial spirits moving through the seasons, restless...singing among the beats of the sun radiating images...shadows...
Tossing sideways, flickering in flocks...hearts full of song love in the air...
What creatures! |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #128318
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· Views: 2,669
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Posted on: May 11 12, 11:06 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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If I Were a Mystic (sorry about the spelling) I've crossed your path We'll find out why - You be you part of the sky... I will sustain and find the link that connects like a chain let us think... Was it karma, a past life? or a reaping from being nice... What ever it was, we will resolve... what was meant for our meeting to evolve... like a flower budding each season to ask for food/ then bending softly to the sunlight in the wood...
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #127949
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· Views: 3,220
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Posted on: May 8 12, 15:16 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I can identify with this girl. I was a snot and had many suitors in elementary school. I never went to my high school reunions either. But how nice to know that someone might have thought of me as nice and loving as that. This poem made me feel like letting my shadow come out and letting her play awhile. She is important too, by the way, I like to comment on the content of poetry instead of wording and images. I like the core, the essence inside the soul of a poem. Thank you, I loved reading this! |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #127887
· Replies: 18
· Views: 6,578
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Posted on: May 8 12, 15:07 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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The loves of our life. I am still as idealistic and naive as I was in my youth. I know how you feel. You remember lost loves and can't help still loving them, and why they broke up. I miss my soul mate. But, I'm hoping someone will come along for the duration of the rest of my life. But they have to live up to my standards. That may be the difference of age and youth. Great love poem! |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #127886
· Replies: 4
· Views: 4,252
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Posted on: Jan 12 12, 07:20 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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I can't believe that people still think about these things. With all the problems on this earth, why do we need to worry about other planets? The universe is part of me, where I'd like to be, to enlarge my mind and to meet the Divine to help people find themselves in this lost world, we're lost in space, we need to just join it to be loving, productive and most of all, happy. We need to find our place in it, cocreaters of each other and our creations...life does not need to be unhappy the universe is abundant... everyone knows these things, but do we really get out there and give to people in pain and suffering or are we just self-absorbed with all the material, practical problems... I think we all need to be nurtured a little... A little postive reinforcement, could give us some get up and go, negativity is so useless, but we all like to criticize everything, I know I do, I'm going to focus on the positive things people do, we must stand together as writers in doing this, we're all in misery right now, let's give out out out and then we can see our acts of kindness rewarded, Thank you, God, Thank you, Universe Thank you, fellow artists For giving me all that I need... I hope I didn't bore you with my common philosphies, but I just had to slow down and catch my breath... |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #126092
· Replies: 4
· Views: 2,895
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Posted on: Dec 31 11, 12:59 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Wondering... The next day Out of the moment What holds the key To the magic treasure Of life forms and solar systems In the far reaching future... Out of time, Drifting in space,
We should think About these things Is the earth ready for more advanced life? Will they come Down to us? Are they walking The planet already?
We dream of miracles Made by man Let's ponder them For a moment... What do you see?
A blue earth The moon What else?
Take time to Envision it... |
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Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'...
· Post Preview: #126035
· Replies: 2
· Views: 2,518
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Posted on: May 10 09, 05:38 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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This poem surprised me in a good way, because I don't know people so open minded. I like the way you celebrated their youthful spirit coupled with their wisdom. The botox and tinted shades made me laugh, it's so typical. Maybe you could have included some of their conversation or maybe we were just supposed to guess, it's only me, I don't always know. Did you imply that botox and tinted shades make us wise? Or maybe just vain. I'm at fault there too. It was realistic. Good job! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #115038
· Replies: 11
· Views: 4,351
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Posted on: May 10 09, 05:32 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Hi, and thank you for good feedback. This poem is something I could relate too, as I too, hate shades of gray. But I accept them. Perhaps your message could have been deeper. Gray is beautiful too, even though we all shudder at the thought of being it. It's only me, maybe I don't know. The elepant showed good imagination and the child seeing it was also good. I enjoyed this, thank you! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #115037
· Replies: 15
· Views: 9,574
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Posted on: May 10 09, 05:26 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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The scene you created is beautiful, a beautiful woman dressed like and produced by the ocean, I loved it, but I think you could have put more of her personality qualities in, so we would understand a little better. Was she a human or a goddess? I think you wrote articulately and you did a good job! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #115036
· Replies: 22
· Views: 7,961
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Posted on: May 9 09, 17:28 |
Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 25
Joined: 9-May 09
Member No.: 793
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Aphrodite was a beautiful queen a dangerous offspring living in the physical plane
Woe were her dark and blackened temptations but her glamour left them unattended What folly!
I want to rise above the physical the blackness my heart is pure everything I touch laugh and love
Only love can radiate true beauty
The soul speaks the loudest
Love transforms us We can transcend the myths of seduction and romance and become lucid in our spirit
Steady grace and compassion to metamorphasize into the transcendence of wisdom and innocence
We are reborn into a world of humanism Where we find our true soulmates |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #115031
· Replies: 5
· Views: 3,044
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