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> Consummation Song
RC James
post Jun 18 17, 20:21
Post #1


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Real Name: richard chase
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Referred By:Rhapsody



In dream nourishing light
I’ll look for you,
away from the center,
on the crowd fringe,
holding a tiny girl’s hand.

You'll sing to her,
and she'll repeat the words,
uncontained, leaping inside,
as your time unfolds
to your mother doing the same,
to her mother,
patiently outlining the way
to a mountain,
illusory to such young eyes.

Ascent is a dance,
halfway, a struggle,
kneeling on the peak,
an invocation.

Unfolding our years now,
I walk the mountain,
trying to arrive
at the cusp of
your slipping away.
 
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JustDaniel
post Jun 22 17, 11:00
Post #2


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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Greetings, friend.

You know that I'm not a free-verser, but since there are so few visiting at this time, I thought I owed it to you to pay a thoughtful visit. I am very glad that I did. Thank you.

Ah, how time passes so quickly! Capturing the glimpses of the tender things that influenced us on our own path is a wonderful thing to contemplate as we come to the end of the trail.

I'm nearly there myself, and I approach the summit with halting steps each day... with the help of my cane.

deLighting in your writing, Daniel sun.gif


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RC James
post Jun 22 17, 11:08
Post #3


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Real Name: richard chase
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Thank you Daniel - very kind of you - I appreciate your thoughts and feelings - Richard
 
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Ali zonak
post Jun 23 17, 10:59
Post #4


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From: Arizona, USA
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Real Name: Ali Zonak
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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Hi, RC James;
I think of your free-verse as a tender write; the only thing that doesn't sound quite right to me--probably due to my inexperience as a reader--is that, in your first paragraph, you speak of yourself in the 1st person and then, in following ones as a "You."
Yours,
Ali

In dream nourishing light
I?€™ll look for you, ....


You'll sing to her,
(why not continue: I'll sing to her, rather than creating the illusion of another person or "you"?
and she'll repeat the words, ....


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~~~~
It is a poem’s absolute perfection that can lead to its imperfection.
~~~~
 
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RC James
post Jun 23 17, 13:39
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Ali - The narrator addresses the second person - the loved one- sorry that's confusing - RC
 
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RC James
post Jun 23 17, 13:39
Post #6


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Real Name: richard chase
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody



Ali - The narrator addresses the second person - the loved one- sorry that's confusing - RC
 
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