Buttoned Down * slight revision, a limpid button sonnet Options

[JustDaniel]

Buttoned Down

Although I can’t see clearly yet, I want
to write, to keep my mind off desert thirst.
My tongue cleaves to my palate, but I can’t
have ice or water; other things come first.

They say it all went fine; incision smiles,
so back to work much sooner than I’d thought —
perhaps four days, but it’s the doctor’s call.
So as I lie, I’m glad they let me jot.

Recov’ry Room to Same Day Surgery;
they’re readying to move me next, it seems.
Ah, doors now open wide; I’ll soon be free
to go back home to sleep, enjoy my dreams.

My bellybutton’s back where it belongs,
but you won’t see me swim in skimpy thongs!

© Daniel J Ricketts 06 July 2005

original opening line:
Although I still can’t see too clearly yet, I want

[jgdittier]

Dear Daniel,
I'm sure everyone of us are celebrating your successful surgery.
Iam also celebrating your wry wit and ability to translate it to verse.
I like the smiling incision, the thought/jot rhyme and how adroitly you presented it and as you know, I place great emphasis on the closing couplet of a sonnet and yours is boffo!

Cheers,    Ron

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

Sorry, I didn't know you were going under the knife ~ again! Poor you!

At least is was successful and I love the way you manage to be so philosophical about it.

My bellybutton’s back where it belongs,

The mind boggles, Daniel.   Shock  Where did it get to before they put it back where it belongs? ~ as a dimple on your knee? Behind your left ear?

Thanks for the read.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Dear Daniel,

I am open-mouthed in awe: the last thing on my mind in the recovery room would be writing poetry.  

It is cruel but necessary that one is not allowed to drink pre- and post-surgery.

Glad to hear you are recovered, and all you have to show for the pain is a smiling scar and a wonderful sonnet. Hope you are now over the worst of any post-surgery discomfort, too.

Hugs (gently)

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Daniel

I'm glad your surgery went well and that you are now back at home recovering.  I'm amazed you could even think of poetry while lying in the recovery room.
Like Fran, I think the image of the incision smiling is wonderful.

I enjoyed the read even if you didn't enjoy the experience.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Daniel.

Glad to see your muse inspired you to write this piece while prepping/recovering from surgery. I don't think I could think of writing poetry as my nerves would be shot during this time pre and post op.  :upside:  :oops:  :grinning:

I find this sonnet very smooth in its flow, a soft rhythm, tight rhymes.
My only nit is with the closing couplet:

My bellybutton’s back where it belongs,
but you won’t see me swim in skimpy thongs!

It just seems to me to throw a serious piece into a laughable one and I think perhaps a different/optional couplet would give this a more serious tone IMHO.

Perhaps the closing line could be something like:

and once again I'll write my thoughts in throngs....

Just something to ponder - as always please take or toss.

~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi JustDaniel,

Cdongratulations on your successful surgery.

Please explain rules of a button sonnet.  I question ending a line on three syllable "surgery," which in itself is dactylic (hi,lo,lo).

Obviously the rhyme scheme of first two stanzas differ from Shakespearian sonnet.

Don

[Merlin]

I said to Lori that I’d stop sometime to see what new mosaic tiles were laid; to read your words of rhythm and of rhyme but from the sidelines, watch the whole parade.  So sorry that you had to undergo whatever that it was, it can’t be fun to have the doctors stitch, crochet and sew you up, but yet, those things are done!  I wish you well, a fast recovery – one’s health is most important in the end.  I know you’re keeping busy at PV; you’ve quite a territory to defend!

I’m also busy with the stuff I do, like writing sonnets – oh, I’ve got a few!

Merlin