 Spring Blossoms, Lanturne |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms  |
 May 23 08, 09:46
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#1
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Spring Blossoms Bulbs blossom garnishing nature’s palette Spring The lanturne is a five-line light verse evidently derived from Haiku and shaped like a Japanese lantern with a syllabic pattern of 1 2 3 4 1 syllables. Sometimes described as a half-cinquain there seems to be no particular requirement for subject matter, though the original intention may have been a statement of nature. Generally, each line is a self-contained statement, such that the poem is not merely a sentence arbitrarily divided into syllables. Some suggest that the form should begin with a noun, with line 2 giving an action or description of the noun and lines 3 & 4 each giving a further description, and the 5th line offering another word for the noun, though not necessarily a synonym or even a noun. The form may or may not have a title, but it can be an integral part as the ‘sixth line’ of the poem. ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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| Guest_Xanadu_* |
May 23 08, 12:59
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Yummy words! Very nice Cleo!
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May 23 08, 18:15
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#3
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Thanks Linda,
I'm really looking for a solid critique - do you have any suggestions to offer for this poem? ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jun 3 08, 11:14
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#4
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Spring Blossoms Bulbs blossom garnishing nature’s palette Spring Hi Lori I haven't been in Shoguns for a looooong time LOL! I have only written one lanturne, so I'm a bit of a beginner, but I do find them fascinating. I'm going to be boring now and say I cannot see anything I'd change here at the moment - and I'll have to give it some more thought. I do love - garnishing nature's palette - this paints a vivid picture! I really must try another - you've inspired me Lori!  Hugs Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Jun 4 08, 08:32
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#5
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 11,376 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in. |
Hi Lori,
Your poem has been thoroughly thesaurused (if that is a word) and I can find no fault with any part of it. Whether intentional or not, you also managed to throw in a double-entendre to boot. Not a bad day's work for a lantern shaped lanturne about Nature's palette/palate being garnished by very palatable (to Nature's little denizens) Spring bulbs. Loved it - don't change a syllable or a syllabus for that matter! LOL Larry ······· ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner  |
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Jun 4 08, 09:52
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#6
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Thanks very very much (a double) Snow and Larry. I've only written two of these, so I really appreciate your thorough thesaurusing (is that a word) Larry. I also edited this while penning it with a few different word choices and thought 'garnishing' was the best one for the 'palette'.
 Thanks again - glad you enjoyed!  ~Cleo  
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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