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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ Son of a Preacher Man

Posted by: Eisa Oct 17 10, 15:16

Son of a Preacher Man

My stomach somersaulted as we met
where the brook tapered to a trickle.
Fingers linked, we sauntered
through tickling grass;
he plucked me a daisy posy.

Horse chestnut crowned the hillock;
we sat beneath its canopy
on a clover patch,
the curved trunk our love-seat back.
Steam trains hissed passed
as we picnicked on cup cakes
and ice cream soda.

Sun blazed; the leafy drapes
eclipsed our first kiss --
eyes open, lips closed,
breaths held until breathless.

In best lemon dress
and cream straw hat, I sat
beside him on dark oak
on Sunday morning.
He looked manly
in grey suit with maroon tie,
hair Brylcreemed back.

His hand brushed mine --
he threw me a shy smile.
I blushed, hoped no one noticed
our heart-hidden romance.
Granny might have guessed,
hawk eyes always watching.

We were love-bug bitten --
a ten year old school girl
and Baptist Preacher’s son
… three years my junior.

Posted by: Alan Oct 18 10, 02:06

Dear Eisa,

Totally captivating. The last line really threw me, and jarred everything else into place. Well done.

The only possible nit :

a ten year old school girl
and Baptist Preacher’s son

could be

I a ten year old school girl
and he the Baptist Preacher’s son

Loved the "borrowed" title ! That's a trick I use often.

Love
Alan

Posted by: Eisa Oct 20 10, 16:39

QUOTE (Alan @ Oct 18 10, 08:06 ) *
Dear Eisa,

Totally captivating. The last line really threw me, and jarred everything else into place. Well done.

The only possible nit :

a ten year old school girl
and Baptist Preacher’s son

could be

I a ten year old school girl
and he the Baptist Preacher’s son

Loved the "borrowed" title ! That's a trick I use often.

Love
Alan


Hi Alan

This is a bit different to my usual - I wish I could think along these lines more often.

Thanks for the suggestion for the final lines - I did have the same originally, but trimmed them back for conciseness. I'll think on that one.

I was going to call it Preacher's Boy - then the words of the song suddenly cam to me!

This is one I really enjoyed writing. Thanks for your comments.
Love Snow Snowflake.gif

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 21 10, 12:16

LOVE it!
Thank you for sharing it.
Hugs
Bev

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 21 10, 16:07



Is the song from the Tarantino movie??? Pulp Fiction? Hated the movie!!!!!!!!!

You have cast a better light on the song!

Bev

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 21 10, 19:31

The only son of a preacher man.....yea I loved it Eira, very well done.
Steve

Posted by: Eisa Oct 25 10, 14:09

Thanks Bev - I was thinking of the Dusty Springfield version (showing my age now - LOL!)

Snow Snowflake.gif

Posted by: Eisa Oct 25 10, 14:10

QUOTE (ohsteve @ Oct 22 10, 01:31 ) *
The only son of a preacher man.....yea I loved it Eira, very well done.
Steve


Thanks Steve

Take care!

Snow Snowflake.gif

Posted by: Psyche Oct 26 10, 18:20



Lol, Eira, you had me in stitches towards the end!! Wonderful poem. You're so versatile.

No nits at all. And Bev and you have taught me about the borrowed title. I also hate Tarantino movies, I saw just one and refused any repeats. So I have zero knowledge of the movie's songs. But I relate to your viewing oldies, at the moment I've been seeing plenty, enjoying them thoroughly!

I wonder what that signifies?? Hmmm.... rolleyes.gif

Hugs, Syl*** cheer.gif

Posted by: Eisa Oct 27 10, 06:37

QUOTE (Psyche @ Oct 27 10, 00:20 ) *


Lol, Eira, you had me in stitches towards the end!! Wonderful poem. You're so versatile.

No nits at all. And Bev and you have taught me about the borrowed title. I also hate Tarantino movies, I saw just one and refused any repeats. So I have zero knowledge of the movie's songs. But I relate to your viewing oldies, at the moment I've been seeing plenty, enjoying them thoroughly!

I wonder what that signifies?? Hmmm.... rolleyes.gif

Hugs, Syl*** cheer.gif



Syl!!! It's so good to see you here GroupHug.gif

I'm glad you liked this one. It originated from a distant memory of a childhood sweatheart ... I never dreamed I would be able to complete the poem, but as little memories came back it became easier. It was fun to write!

As for the old movies - some are the best!

Hugs
Snow Snowflake.gif

Posted by: Psyche Oct 27 10, 16:42

Hi Eira!

I'm glad to be back too, the days in sun kissed Bariloche are long enough for me to do all sorts of things...wow....and you just can't even get near to imagining the view from Roberto's apartment, which happens to be a duplex!!! I feel like a Queen!!!

Yes, your poem is a sweet tribute to erstwhile romances of youth... How different from nowadays! You'd be trainspotting after having gone all the way, not eating cupcakes!! Or some such mix...

Was Brylcreem spelt with 2 'ee's'? LOL, what a stupid nit.

Must have a peep elsewhere before the PC is claimed.

Hugs, Syl***

Posted by: Eisa Oct 27 10, 18:02

QUOTE (Psyche @ Oct 27 10, 22:42 ) *
Hi Eira!

I'm glad to be back too, the days in sun kissed Bariloche are long enough for me to do all sorts of things...wow....and you just can't even get near to imagining the view from Roberto's apartment, which happens to be a duplex!!! I feel like a Queen!!!

Yes, your poem is a sweet tribute to erstwhile romances of youth... How different from nowadays! You'd be trainspotting after having gone all the way, not eating cupcakes!! Or some such mix...

Was Brylcreem spelt with 2 'ee's'? LOL, what a stupid nit.

Must have a peep elsewhere before the PC is claimed.

Hugs, Syl***


Hi Syl

I wish I could see those views - any chance of some photos on FB?

Yes - wasn't life & love different --- innocent when we were young! I prefered not growing up too soon.

Yes, I spelt Brylcreem wronly & looked it up on ebay LOL! and found it was 2 ee's

Hugs
Snow Snowflake.gif

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