Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Unusual lover, part of my full poetry collectio: "Emerald City"
saore
post Oct 12 10, 09:45
Post #1


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508
Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



Unusual lover


what is it about night
that you carry it in your mouth

beyond the moon’s orbit and time
through strange paths frequented
by Thanatos and his twin brother?
Is whatever just happened
already a memory, or are our tongues
blushing from the exchanged saliva?
Be rid of that black cloak in your eyes.
We were the strays that taught God
how to die in this queer universe.


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Psyche
post Oct 26 10, 15:54
Post #2


Ornate Oracle
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting




Hi Sergio!
I´ve been very much away from MM due to tragic personal events. So just clicking in I came upon your poem, which poses various questions that need not be answered. i mean that it makes one reflect and perhaps come to conclusions that lead to other ideas and so on. That is good!
I especially like your two last lines, they have a strong impact on the reader, at least on me.

As i understand you-ve published this poem already, you-re not expecting critiques, but rather wish it to be read and appreciated in full.

Congrats & thanks for sharing,
Sylvia
PS: i just cant find some stuff on this keyboard, not my own! A bit of a mess.... ghostface.gif



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
saore
post Oct 26 10, 16:08
Post #3


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508
Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



Sylvia I think it has been published but I can no longer keep up with what gets published. I am still interested in suggestions because these poems will be going into a complete collection of poems, my first, and I would like them to be as polished as possible.

I am so sorry for what has happened in your family, what a terrible terrible thing. I am praying for you and your family.

abrazos,
sergio


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Psyche
post Oct 26 10, 17:57
Post #4


Ornate Oracle
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Thank you, Sergio, for your sincere regrets. The attacked relation -49 years old- is finally back home but far from recovered. A long convalescence awaits him, with further surgeries... He can barely walk with a little help. It's so sad! And his little girls were present... enough!

I'm now in Bariloche near my daughter, after a month's postponement of my 10 day hols. It's so beautiful here!! Snow-capped mountains, deep lakes... too lovely to even get poetical, as I have a rather scatological mind and it would seem a shame to use these gifts from heaven as metaphors for what goes on in my head. I mean it.. ghostface.gif

I have to abandon this PC now, so I'll just ask about the first 3 lines:

'what is it about night
that you carry it in your mouth

beyond the moon’s orbit and time'

'night' here is the object the way you've phrased it, so the subject carries 'night' in his/her mouth beyond the moon's orbit....etc.

This startles me coz it's a mighty thing to carry night in one's mouth, and I think it's a wondrous metaphor but would be glad if you were to explain a little. Your unusual poetry, in this case about love, metaphysical & real, certainly deserves further recognition and I hope the collection can be published soon.

Oops, must go, will come back!
Sylvia





·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 03:09




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: