Haiku, Japanese form Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi,

Brahams is arguing (see his crit of my Hikau cycle in the crit area) that 5/7/5 is merely a recent American constraint on the Haiku - nothing to do with the original Japanese. I am trying to find out more. He says 5/?/5 is the proper original Japanese format. Of course I hope he is right but if I - or anyone out there - can find evidence either way it would be useful.

J.

[Guest__*]

Haiku - THE RINGER
(A Tragedy In 17 Syllables)

This morning I rang
To ask you to marry me
But you were engaged .......

Alan McAlpine Douglas

[JustDaniel]

Here's one to break many of the 'rules' I've read of haiku:  titled, rhyming, acrostic, unseasoned:

S.O.S.

see a ding-a-ling
overkill this haiku thing;
scant impressioning

© M Lee Dickens’ son 26 Oct 2003

Lightly, Daniel  

[Michelle]

This is my first haiku.  A very knowledgeable
poet taught me his expectations of a haiku
and I wrote this hoping to impress him.  lol

bushy tail fox hides
green field camouflages frog
perilous limelight

[JustDaniel]

Bushed Fox?

vixen’s hoary tail
camouflaged nothing from frog;
who visits who’s pad?

© M Lee Dickens’ son 26 October 2003

[Guest__*]

The (Dahl-iesque) F R G

Take nothing from frog
and you spawn new word thus : frg.
Unpronouncable .....

Alan McAlpine Douglas

[JustDaniel]

The (Dahl-iesque) F R G

Take nothing from frog
and you spawn new word thus : frg.
Unpronouncable .....

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Hey Alan, you're in the wrong thread.  You're not supposed to extract frog's clothes or anything else in this one!!

Haven't we disgust this before?  

fall's frog in my throat,
slugs in nasal passages;
lungs drown in refuse

sLightly congested, Daniel  

[Michelle]

Tadpole grows strong legs
Surmounts pond, embarks on land
Splash! wash dust from back

[JustDaniel]

how about silly senryu?

Whether one hump
or two its always perfect
here on camel lot

© Daniel J Ricketts 29 Jan 2003

[Cybele]

First attempts at Haiku

from petrol droplets
swirling in a small puddle
A rainbow shines out

Sparrows in springtime
writing on telephone lines
their musical notes

In the pristine snow
birds tracking convict arrows
across the white lawn

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace

I prefer my haiku to be precisely 5-7-5, but that is not the only reason to LOVE your 3rd one :

In the pristine snow
birds tracking convict arrows
across the white lawn

What an image, what observation !

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Good Sir Knight

Thank you for your kind comment.  :upside:  I see now the format involved and have corrected the first two. I think they now conform.  Haiku is great fun. Will attempt some more.


Love

Grace

[Cybele]

Dear Alan

Haiku - THE RINGER
(A Tragedy In 17 Syllables)

This morning I rang
To ask you to marry me
But you were engaged .......

Very clever, very poignant and very funny!!

Love

Grace

[Cybele]

Hi Michelle

I just love how Haiku can say so much in so few words.

bushy tail fox hides
green field camouflages frog
perilous limelight

This is a complete story.  I think these Haiku could easily give birth to full length poems.

Yours is very inspirational!!  :read:

Love
Grace

[Michelle]

Grace,  it's hard to believe this is your first haikus!  Wonderful!

All three are very good.  I like the third the best though.  

Great job!


Michelle


ooops,  thank you too for your kind words.

[Guest__*]

To the 12 minute double haiku-ist, aka Grace !

From my post to your brillaint corrections in less than 12 mins ! Who knows how many elapsed before you even saw my comment !

Now I LOVE all three.

You have an observational ability that I really enjoy, keep it up !

Love
Alan

PS and thanks for your comment on mine too !

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hello, excellent haikus everyone... good show.

Talking of "good show" - just a technical point which many of you might already know - so apologies if I am only telling you again. However...

It is "Quite Interesting" that the word "limelight" comes from the theatre. In the days before electric lighting, stage hands used to burn lime to illuminate the stage. This cast an eerie green glow upon the thespians. From then onwards, actors were said to "be in the limelight". So "wanting to be in the limelight" means that one wishes to be on show etc. Ok, everyone knew that? Well I've done no harm then! And I enjoyed my moment in the limelight.

Toodle Pip, J.

PS I knew that Michelle would like that "foxtail" reference!

[JustDaniel]

Thanks for the info, Jax.  I for one never understood the "limelight" thing, never having experienced it!

It occurred to me this morning that the appropriate sentence for the California arsonists, should they find them might be the following:

Punishment Fits Crime

west coast arsonists
seem to long for the limelight;
burn them at the stake

© M Lee Dickens' son 28 Oct 2003



And Grace, exquisite stuff!  I hope you'll forgive this take-off (I know; it burned up before landing! )  

ICU Phone Home

wintering sparrows
lined up itinerary;
crossed wires – last fryday

© M Lee Dickens' son 28 Oct 2003

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

Thank you for your comments

After reading your last two offerings I think you should choose a new pen name, how about Jean D'Arc?  Might be a good time to stake your claim to this one.

Cheers
Grace

[Cleo_Serapis]

Just so no one gets confused, this tile is for the serious HAIKU postings.

We have dubbed Alan's "Extraction Haiku tile" as the one for comedic haiku.

Thanks all!

~Cleo