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> faux-ku, titled haiku/senryu w/word play [ Daniel's 'creation' ]
JustDaniel
post Jul 20 04, 14:11
Post #1


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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Faux-ku is my own brain child, developed over a long time of playing with haiku and senryu. My Light, so to speak, dabbles in wit, and hopefully it has its place in haiku/senryu-type poetry. This form can have seriousness, but it will always be dressed in Light clothing.

(Just remember, these threads are for us to PRACTICE in! Let NO ONE suppose that I'm here to be a teacher. I AIN'T! But practicing in short forms, I believe, can improve one's ability in other forms, including Haiku. However, I AM the expert in faux-ku merely because it is my own baby! I'm willing to engage a tutor to bring it to maturity, if one is here and available to me.

The absolute criteria for faux-ku:


1) a fetching title
[ haiku and senryu never have a title ]

( title must be or have a play on words )


2) haiku/senryu form [ two snapshots ]

[ 5-7-5 syllables... or 3-2-3 beats -- OR LESS ! ]

one snapshot in two lines

another snapshot in one line

or vice versa



3) word-play in each snapshot (as well as in title)

Initial Samples:

high coop

foxy but chicken –
red hens turned into roosters
often high in trees


© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

out to launch

three nautical girls --
malled by low-price salers
during their noon break


© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

loud warning

red sails in sunset
clash crewedly once a blue moon;
mutin’ ears marooned


© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

stocking up down

white sales for son sets
precedent: Martha Stewart
fitted stock preferred


© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

dark fears

scared by Dad's visits?
at bottom had you been switched
to a light sleeper?


© Daniel J Ricketts 08 Dec 2002

sub lime pieces

you've run out?  blimey!
just cut up with ripe lemons
to post on our glass


© Daniel J Ricketts 10 Dec 2002

Now it's YOUR turn!

DeLightingly, Daniel 8)

P.S. One other concern... We reserve the responsibility to throw Sue out for several days at a time if she shows signs of addiction!


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JustDaniel
post Sep 23 04, 16:05
Post #2


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Referred By:Lori



blown aweigh in Bill-lows

president got cot
with print down... lying still,
sheets pillowed to wind


© M Lee Dickens’ son 23 Sept 2004


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JustDaniel
post Nov 8 04, 06:40
Post #3


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Referred By:Lori



a chant’s meeting

throat dried up in knots;
then, about to cry uncle,
had auntie phone  back


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JustDaniel
post Feb 4 05, 06:25
Post #4


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Referred By:Lori



Christmas swish

mosquito buzzed sheep
throughout that ebon Eve;
Baa, hum-bug!


© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005


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JustDaniel
post Feb 4 05, 10:45
Post #5


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Referred By:Lori



Here's the one I promised James with a bit o' hillbilly homor:

dis agreein’ house affect

global warmin' may
raze see level from oh zone?
a bunch o' hot air


© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005


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Guest_Jox_*
post Feb 4 05, 11:11
Post #6





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LOL Daniel - thank you very much!

And all the others are most chucklesome, too.

Well done with your invention... have looked here before but these are very good. You should start a competition for the best to popularise this new form of yours - (no prizes) - just ku-dos.

Cheers and thanks, James.
 
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JustDaniel
post Feb 4 05, 11:45
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Referred By:Lori



Thank you James... and for the ku-dos suggestion too.  LOL

I'll tell you what: you may announce the comptetition yourself, with this as the come-on... if you like.  ( I don't know about doing such things! ):

fabricating con test

we’ll give no ku-dough;
‘twill be for intertwining
friend with faux


© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005


Lightly, Daniel sun.gif


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Guest_Toumai_*
post Feb 4 05, 12:39
Post #8





Guest






Hi Daniel,

You're the king of the faux-ku, but I'll try

Fran


No Con Test

friends tied up in Nots;
argue-meant creatively:
whine comes from sour grapes
 
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JustDaniel
post Feb 4 05, 13:59
Post #9


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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (Toumai @ Feb. 04 2005, 12:39)
Hi Daniel,

You're the king of the faux-ku, but I'll try. ~ Fran
No Con Test

friends tied up in Nots;
argue-meant creatively:
whine comes from sour grapes

wave.gif Well, Fran, since I've yet to be paid for my faux-ku...

there will be NO-PRO TEST from me!

You've done absolutely perfectly! Now isn't that both fun and stretching?

Here's a follow-up for you:
epi-khaki mouse

suicidal squeek…
whoot argh you over it?
you threw up your clause


© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005


Looking forward to more from your pen,

deLightedly, Daniel sun.gif


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Guest_Jox_*
post Feb 4 05, 14:05
Post #10





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Hi Daniel... Can put an announcement about a contest if you don't mind judging the results?

If you are really intertested just let me have a closing date and number of entries per person allowed (and any other details you want) and we'll promo it.

James.
 
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JustDaniel
post Feb 4 05, 14:44
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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Hey, James...

I'll personally judge the contest and offer as a prize, a copy of the new literary journal: Mary Clark's (Poetic-Voices) Impressions... which is due out right soon.  How about three entries per person, and entries do by the close of our "Presidents' Day" Monday, 21 Feb... in time for George Washington's Birthday (Tuesday, 22 Feb) so that I can offer my judgment on his day: "I cannot tell a lie."

In anticipation of the event, let me offer this Revolutionary Retro piece:

FLOG back words

Big George drives 'em far,
chips well, but can’t putt ‘em down;
cannot read a lie!


© Daniel J Ricketts 04 Feb 2005  


slicing sLightly into the rough, Daniel  sun.gif


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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 6 05, 06:53
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Daniel.

I just added three new 'awards' to MM yesterday in our FAQ forum.

In these 'practice and learning threads' here in Karnak we do not award prizes if a member seeks to initiate a challenge/contest, but we can start using one of the new awards if you'd like to pursue a contest here in this tile?

What do you think of this award below?

*New Greek Urn (formerly Mod Choice)

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs


This award may be used for internal member challenges. Any member can initiate a challenge, state your rules, and choose a winner.

If you are interested, lay out your specific rules, start and end date and what you will be looking for and I will send a PM to the members.

GroupHug.gif





This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Aug 22 06, 18:50


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JustDaniel
post Mar 29 05, 11:44
Post #13


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Referred By:Lori



no faux-ku a ward

if you’d write a wrong
don’t lift a finger to aide;
biting it tinders


© MLee Dickens’son 29 March 2005


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JustDaniel
post Jun 28 05, 13:49
Post #14


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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



milk weed ?

what made cow wander
in from her verdant meadow ?
was it smoking grass?


© Daniel J Ricketts 28 June 2005


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Guest_Toumai_*
post Jun 28 05, 14:50
Post #15





Guest






Hi Daniel,   wave.gif

What made cow wonder -
smoking grass leading to bull?
hey! a brisket joint?

*Rambles off - blame it on the thunder storms*

Fran




 
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JustDaniel
post Sep 4 05, 05:44
Post #16


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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Now how in the world did I miss that, Fran!?

Cute... now where is your TITLE?  hsdance.gif


Here's another thought for you:
kneed super vision

management de-find:
missing section manager;
depart meant head out


© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Sept 2005


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Guest_Toumai_*
post Sep 4 05, 06:32
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Hi Daniel, good to see you  :wave:

I'd forgotton all about that one (entirely inspired by yours, of course) ... shall ponder a title.

Like the comment on management, hehe.

Fran
 
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JustDaniel
post Sep 4 05, 14:36
Post #18


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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



While you're thinking of a title, Fran, here's another faux-ku to stimulate you further:

eschewing the fat

noon facial hair trim
makes high protein wrap filler;
day-lite shavings thyme


© Daniel J Ricketts 02 Sept 2005


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JustDaniel
post Nov 29 05, 11:07
Post #19


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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



heavy wait

ticked off, thanks given
hands encircled luscious food;
too many seconds


© MLee Dickens’son 29 Nov 2005


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Guest_Toumai_*
post Nov 29 05, 15:00
Post #20





Guest






Hi Daniel

Clocking in again, lol? Good to see you  :cheer:

Fran
 
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