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> Villanelle, Poetic Form Exercise
Guest_Maxim_*
post Nov 1 05, 12:56
Post #21





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I tried this form after coming across it a year or so ago and the following was my first attempt (of a grand total of 2 so far!)

Progress

Our future's safe, we're not concerned,
as Man's advances demonstrate,
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

Our primal beast has long been spurned;
since reasoning controls our fate,
our future's safe. We're not concerned

that former cultures grew then burned.
We'd sooner claim they illustrate
what distance our stone wheel has turned.

And yet the very things we've learned
make it debatable to rate
our futures safe. We're not concerned

but has this confidence been earned?
Could Nature's ills now indicate
what distance our stone wheel has turned?

If real progress can be discerned
then why with blind indifference state,
"Our future's safe"? We're not concerned
what distance our stone wheel has turned!


The guidance I read at the time instructed that the repeated lines should "change in both position and meaning through the poem, increasing in irony until the final couplet fairly shimmers with that special substance". Comparing this to the Sonnet's volta. I am not sure if this was a recommendation or requirement, but was the part I found hardest in developing a villanelle. (I am not claiming to have acheived it here! just to have made an attempt.)


MaXiM




 
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AMETHYST
post Nov 5 05, 14:25
Post #22


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Referred By:Lori Kanter



Hello Maxim,


You've met this form with a masterful hand ~ There are some absolute excellent lines and imagery. The rependant lines are smooth and blend well, each making their slight changes of meaning, while maintaining a steady message. The end rhymes are fresh. Not the same old, overused rhymes we often see when dealing with a repetitve sound.

I think you should be quite proud of your work here.

Best Regards, Liz ~

QUOTE
Progress

Our future's safe, we're not concerned,
as Man's advances demonstrate,
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

Great opening stanza. A dramatic tone to match a prominate declaration.

Our primal beast has long been spurned;
since reasoning controls our fate,
our future's safe. We're not concerned

Slowly, the narrator offers a rational change to present the ideal of mind over feeling, or instinct as it might be. The assurance that we are in control of our own destiny, and yet...it bears with it a slight unsurity in the tone. I liked this as it gives that undertone of 'are we?' ...

that former cultures grew then burned.
We'd sooner claim they illustrate
what distance our stone wheel has turned.

The word 'claim' reinforces that unsurity for me, the reader. I felt the intensity of worriment.

And yet the very things we've learned
make it debatable to rate
our futures safe. We're not concerned

but has this confidence been earned?
Could Nature's ills now indicate
what distance our stone wheel has turned?

The growth from the first stanza, as the narrator is assured, and slowly offers tid bits to put the reader in doubt, to see a larger picture beyond our control and rationalizations. Excellent word choices to enhance this turn about of progress and it's direction of where we are and how little we control.

If real progress can be discerned
then why with blind indifference state,
"Our future's safe"? We're not concerned
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

EXCELLENT ending. This is a powerful observation that leaves the reader, pondering and wondering about our lives... both in the small of what brief effect we have and experience, and the whole of the universe around us. Great Work. Look forward to more of your work.


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JustDaniel
post Nov 21 15, 03:25
Post #23


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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Since there is a villanelle posted in the critique forum, I thought I'd bring this form up to the top of the board, particularly since no one has posted to it for some time. Here's a very LIGHT villain that I wrote more than a decade ago:


Mother Goose's Chuckle-a-lot Villanella

You think this villanella bard's uptight?
'e seems to be a poet in a box?
Per'aps 'is only drive's to do it right.

Who knows what makes 'im tick… or what’s 'is plight?
Young Baby Bear was scarred by Goldilocks,
you think? 'is villainy: 'er board's up tight…

to rock no more – and porridge-less – in fright!
…an' piglet-bard stays safe from wolf an' fox;
per'aps 'is only drive's to do it right!

Miss Muff's arachnophob'ia's out o' sight.
She banned the Kurds an' bound 'er whey with lox.
You think this villanella bard's uptight!

Red Riding Hood gave clever wolf a fight;
may'aps both lusted granny’s antique woks?
Per'aps?… 'tis only drive to do it! Right?

Poor 'umpty Dumpty's fall's from such a height:
anthology of pomes 'id in 'is socks!
You think this villanella bard's uptight!
Per'aps 'is only drive's to do it right.

© Daniel J Ricketts 16 Feb 2004


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Larry
post Nov 22 15, 17:45
Post #24


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From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Daniel,

Loved it and will try to write something a bit more serious. I doubt I could ever match your wit; wit-out a lot
of help.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Larry
post Dec 11 15, 10:12
Post #25


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From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Reflections

When youth was just a blush upon my cheek
and life’s untrodden path a mystery
there were no memories for me to seek.

An orphaned child, my future looked so bleak;
I wondered what was happening to me
when youth was just a blush upon my cheek.

My siblings were too traumatized and meek
for ages ranged from six to nearly three.
There were no memories for me to seek

until the years had passed. No longer weak
as Viet Nam became a travesty
when youth was just a blush upon my cheek.

Sickened by death, I soon became a freak
within a drug infused society…
there were no memories for me to seek.

Now time’s grey hand has withered my physique
and wistful thoughts of old a truancy
when youth was just a blush upon my cheek.
There are no memories for me to seek.


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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JustDaniel
post Dec 11 15, 11:08
Post #26


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,456
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Good grief, Larry!!! Except for the ages of your siblings and being orphaned, this sounds like ME!!!

deLighting in your clarity, Daniel sun.gif


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Larry
post Dec 11 15, 18:08
Post #27


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Daniel,

Thanks for stopping by. I guess great minds are molded by similar circumstances.

Sorry it took so long but it was gut wrenching to write because all of it is/was true.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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