Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Just Desserts, Sonnet
Larry
post Apr 7 19, 22:46
Post #1


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,326
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Just Desserts

The earth is filled but still we spread
like vermin. Filling up the land
and building castles on the dead.
Foundations are just shifting sand

engorged with detritus of waste
and obsolescence. Plastics ride
the emerald waves which once were chaste
but now they lay upon high tide

dead fish and birds. A darkened stole
that festers with a rotting stench
now lines each shore. Embellished bowl
of sewage that will never quench

the thirst of gluttonous mankind.
A travesty we leave behind.


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Sep 13 19, 05:58
Post #2


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,421
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



A sonnet in perfect form, but I think most of your enjambments are distracting from the great message. Inversions, as in the final line, are things of old as well. Would you consider rewriting this piece. I think it's worthy of it. treading Lightly, Daniel sun.gif


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Sep 19 19, 13:17
Post #3


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,326
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Daniel,

Not sure about your problem with enjambments and the only way I might be able to alleviate that is to use the French version of 8 and 6 instead of the 3 quatrains and couplet. I wish you would clarify your statement about the inversion in the final couplet. The first line is a continuation of the sentence in the prior line and the last line is my summation or viewpoint of the way things are as I see them.

Thanks for chiming in and let me know a bit more of your thoughts.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Psyche
post Nov 13 19, 17:43
Post #4


Ornate Oracle
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,745
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Hi Larry, great to post here again. I miss MM so much, it's the best.
As I'm no expert on sonnets, I just love yours. Up to date, Greta Thurnberg would use it, somehow or other.
The first strophe is so true and perfectly written. Humankind is the most distructive animal on One Planet. Did you see the series?


The earth is filled but still we spread
like vermin. Filling up the land
and building castles on the dead.
Foundations are just shifting sand

Enjoyed, wish I'd seen it before.
Sylvia


·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Nov 19 19, 06:40
Post #5


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,421
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Well, Larry, I have no idea what I was thinking that day. I think my dyslexia must have gotten the best of me and I'd become frustrated and took it out on you. Otherwise, I have no idea what I was talking about!!!

Please forgive me. sLightly embarrassed, Daniel unsure.gif


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 19th March 2024 - 03:04




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: