Hey Syl

I really enjoyed this descriptive piece. You start it off beautifully. Personifying the effect if nature.

In the second stanza we are shown what rages beneath earth's innate beauty. The hand of destruction is sudden and seemingly unending and loss is equatic.

My heart goes out to those who have survived and lost so much.

Great myhtical addition to this.

Lovely read


Thanx
Dani

Hi Sylvia,

It's so good to be reading your poetry and I'm really happy to be "back" here and dipping my toes in, so to speak:)

I must say..I love the revisions you've made to this and I think the title is terrific. I'm usually not too good at coming up with suggestions..your original (since my first reading of this was with your revisions) would have impressed me terrifically too but I do think the work you've done has enhanced it beautifully.

I think there's no harm in keeping older versions of poems and pieces of writing..I do the same sometimes..it can be that the older versions can remind us more so, at times, of what we thought about as we wrote the piece..or there can be images or lines that might suit another work better..that's just my thinking but I definately wouldn't discard anything..especially when you're in two minds about it..I say play safe and keep them!

Really well done xxxx

Hi Syl

I had a look at your revision a while ago, but didn't have time fo comment ... so I'm back!

Fistly, I love your new title!

I am still tending to think that the abbreviation 'neath' is not needed in FV. Beneath doesn't spoil the flow.

'Trembling with rage and rage’s blindness',

I have changed my mind about this line and now see why you have repeated 'rage' -- it does emphasize, much more.

I see you have written that your revision is in progress, so I'll call back sometime to see how its progressing.

Great read

Snow

Hi all,

I just can't believe that I posted this poem in January, then wrote a different version instead of revising like a good girl...LOL.

Looking at the comments and my own, I can't believe so much has happened since then. Like reading my own diary!

Still, I certainly used many of your helpful suggestions in this new version, so I want to thank you all for your wonderful help.

I would love more crits/comments as this is like a new poem, not a revision...wow...

I'm sure it needs snipping. I'll leave the first poem here, since I think that's the correct procedure. OMG, I was never good at rules...

Hugs to all and my apologies for not replying on time,
Syl***

Hi Syl

It's late now, so I'll come back to this and see how it might be trimmed a little.

Yes ... a lot has happened to you since this was written. Glad to have you back!

Hugs
Snow

Hi Snow!

I quite forgot about this poem (or poems), so much has been happening. To lots of us!

I'll try to shorten/revise the new version asap. I'd like to remove the first version because it's totally different. But as there have been comments, that would be wrong.

Thanks and I apologise for the long overdue answer,
Hugs, Syl***