Revision 3 (tweaked again)
Hi Eisa, you have had some excellent feedback already but I'll add my 2 cents.

The family's visit
caught me up in a whirlwind do you need "up"? or maybe some active verb like 'spun me' or something along those lines
of cooking and clearing.
You buzz through my head.
as they chatter and chuckle.

I rush to look in on you again something more immediate? 'I rush to you'? this would match with the following lines. bang/bang/bang/staccato
but your lights are out.
I ring the bell,
bang on the door,
peer through the window.
The place is hushed - I am thinking that many might not get the actual subject here, even ones that should, I might not have myself...maybe drop a few clues here and there. "window" is good. Perhaps that message "cannot be found"?

you've gone.

It's too late to cry
Thank you, do you need the comma ?
for savouring my passions.
You never mocked my dreams,
but nurtured the seeds, my visions.

Air chills as I turn away, again something more immediate or sudden, not sure what but something cold/sharp/empty
a sliver of me missing. I like this line, the sliver concept is good. I wonder if "is missed" is better than "is missing"?
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1st stanza was:
The family visits
caught up in my whirlwind
of cooking and clearing.
You buzz through my head.
as they chatter and chuckle.

but added St3 Last line

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Revision 2 (few more tweaks)

Caught up in a whirlwind
of cooking and clearing
my family visits.
You buzz through my head.
as they chatter and chuckle.

I rush to look in on you again
arriving breathless, but
your lights are out.
I ring the bell
then bang on the door
and peer through the window.
The place is hushed -

you have gone.

It's too late to cry
thank you,
for relishing my passions.
You never mocked my day-dreams,
nurturing the seeds of my visions.

The air chills as I turn away,
a sliver of me missing.



-------------------------------
REVISION 1

Caught up in a whirlwind
of cooking and clearing
my family visits.
You buzz through my head.
as they chatter and chuckle.

I rush to look in on you again
arriving breathless, but
your lights are out.
I ring the bell
then bang on the door
and peer through the window.
The place is hushed
- you have gone.

It's too late to cry thank you.
for relishing my passions,
you never mocked my day-dreams,
and helped me to find my inner voice.

The air chills as I turn away,
a sliver of me missing.

------------------------------------------
ORIGINAL

It's been a hectic day
with family visiting;
I've cooked, cleared and chatted
while you buzzed
through my head all day.
I must see you one last time.

They left at 7.30, so I rushed
and arrived gasping,
but your lights were out.
I knocked on the door, then banged,
but it was locked.

I thought you might be there
until midnight; the landlord
must have asked you to leave.

Now I'm too late to say thank you
for relishing my passions.
You never thought my dreams
were foolish and helped
me find my true voice.

There is a chill in the air
as I turn away,
a sliver of me missing.


---------------------------
revised lines
St2 L4 was

I knocked the door, banged,

Last line was

a sliver of my heart missing

The family's visit
caught me up in a whirlwind
of cooking and clearing.
You buzz through my head.
as they chatter and chuckle.

I like the way this stanza has grown and shaped. L4, made me imagine a bird. Although it isn't a problem, perhaps checking if L2 might be stronger with out the "up" - caught me in a whirlwind/of cooking and clearing.

I rush to look in on you again
but your lights are out.
I ring the bell,
bang on the door,
peer through the window.
The place is hushed -

The 'again' at the end of S2 L1, was a little confusing only that there is not mention to the reader of a first visit or establishing a scene.

Perhaps:
I rush to look in on you,
but your lights are out.


you've gone.

It's too late to cry
Thank you,
for savouring my passions.
You never mocked my dreams,
but nurtured the seeds, my visions.

L1 sort of felt confusing for me. Why is it too late to cry? I would think there is a lot of crying to come, because the narrator has lost someone or something that was critical to their life force. A supporter of the talents, dreams.... there will be crying for a long time. I Love the emotion this offers and it develops a preliminary view of who the narrator has now lost. However, I believe you can bring out the depth of the loss in a more powerful image.

perhaps you would consider omitting L1 or suggestion of "I grieve your passing/filled with gratitude / You never mocked/my dreams, instead/ you nurtured the seeds, my visions/savoring my passions.



Air chills as I turn away,
a sliver of me missing.

Perhaps bringing missing down onto its own line.