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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing _ Villanelle

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 20 03, 06:14

In the Villanelle, the first five stanzas are triplets (or tercets), and the last stanza is a quatrain such that the rhyme scheme is as follows: "aba aba aba aba aba abaa." Thus a Villanelle has 19 lines. The 1st and 3rd lines from the first stanza are alternately repeated such that the 1st line becomes the last line in the second stanza, and the 3rd line becomes the last line in the third stanza. The last two lines of the poem are lines 1 and 3 respectively, making a rhymed couplet. There are only two rhymes in the usual villanelle, placed strategically in the poem. A villanelle needs no particular meter or line length.

One of the most noted of these that is a splendid example is one by Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night."

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse me, bless me, now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light!




Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 27 03, 07:16

Well, I sure ain't no Dylan Thomas, but here's one:

Barred from Par so Far

Methinks you’ve tried too hard, Ole Bard!
Here, try it with these range balls, sir.
Eventually you’ll get it, pard!

In many other sports you’ve starred;
(Don’t blush; I know that you’re demure.)
methinks you’ve tried too, hard Ole Bard!

Now don’t get up defensive guard.
Just proddin’ ya to feel that stir
eventually.  You’ll get it parred!

Few golfers hole-in-one; it’s hard!
No prize of frankincense and myrrh . . .
methinks you’ve tried too hard, Ole Bard!

Those practice balls can be quite marred;
just swing away!  You’ll shave that burr
eventually.  You’ll get it, pard.

Then chip away till memory’s jarred
and feet slide smoothly.  Toss that Grrrrrr.
Methinks you’ve tried to, hard Ole Bard;
eventually, you’ll get it parred.

© Daniel J Ricketts 19 Sept 2003

Posted by: Athena Jan 31 04, 04:05

Hi Daniel,   wave.gif

Please forgive my multiple months of tardiness in reading and responding to this excellent villanelle!  As you know, there had just been a disaster in my family and I was totally distracted; 'tis my only excuse.

I doubt I'll ever try to write such a villanelle, but who knows, all things are possible.  You've certainly done a bang-up job with this one, Sir Daniel!

Thanks so much for your participation!     dance.gif

Always trying to learn,

Dolly   Pharoah.gif

Posted by: Jan 31 04, 05:46

Dear Daniel

Very nice !

Dear Dolly,

I know that a villanelle seems hard to write, but that is not so. With so many repeating lines the actual number you have to compose is quite small.

The secret is of course getting those 2 lines just right.

Also, there are only 2 rhymes, A and B, all the way through. Below is the format, with A1 and A2 being the repeat lines.

A1
b
A2

a
b
A1

a
b
A2

a
b
A1

a
b
A2

a
b
A1
A2

When I write one, I make a list of all the rhymes I can think of for the A and B, and muse my next lines with attention on this list.

You'll notice that Daniel has used Pard and parred interchangeably, and has varied the punctuation in the repeat lines. This is not just Daniel doing his thing, it is quite permitted in the villanelle.

Have a crack !

Love
Alan

Posted by: Athena Jan 31 04, 06:18

Thank you so much, Alan!  That's really sweet of you to go to the time and trouble of giving me special instruction on the villanelle.  Perhaps one day I'll actually take the time to do it.  Right now, I'm trying to work through some emotional glitches in my life, poetically if possible.  When I get my mind untangled, I'll sincerely consider writing one.    :wink:

I wish Daniel would post one he did a couple years ago that I truly loved!  It was about a farmer who diligently "plowed his fields" and told a story within the strict guidelines of the villanelle.  If I could write one like that .... but alas, I don't share this man's gifted talents ..  :(  

Thanks again, my friend,

Dolly   butterfly.gif

Posted by: Jan 31 04, 16:38

Dear Dolly

Since you say you don't have time to write a villlanelle, I've done one for you :

IF ONLY I COULD CLEAR MY MIND

If only I could clear my mind
of all that's messing with my times,
for villanelles and sim'lar kind.

Have paper ready, faintly lined,
eager to take my immortal rhymes
if only I could clear my mind.

Escape the house, the daily grind;
Move to more paradisical climes
for villanelles and sim'lar kind.

A terrace, vine-covered, intertwined,
a million bucks, not all in dimes,
if only I could clear my mind.

Possession mine, the deeds all signed,
orchard of pears and verse, apples and limes,
for villanelles and sim'lar kind.

Helpers to see we are wined and dined,
all troubles gone; yes, everything chimes;
if only I could clear my mind,
for villanelles and sim'lar kind.

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Love
Alan

Posted by: Don Feb 5 04, 12:49

Commenting upon IF ONLY I COULD CLEAR MY MIND ghost written for Dolly by Alan.

Other than "paradisical" being a mouthful, the dictionary shows this adjective may be either 5 or 6 syllables.  

I would probably have used all 8-syllable lines, since most are. Since you, Alan, nor Dolly asked, this delightful villanelle shall remain untouched.

Cheers,

Don

Posted by: Mar 13 04, 07:36

Dear All,

As I wite new, or stumble upon older villanelles, I will add them to this board, at Cleo's request.

Here is one I wrote earlier (this morning that is) :


BLONDIE
(with humble apologies to our very own Amy .....)

For purpose of this life I've donned
(dare I confess it) - to be eyed -
a body, most distinctly blonde.

Result, I'm loved by "tout le monde",
well, all are men, it's not denied,
give purpose to the life I've donned.

To conquer life, I wave a wand,
and they surround it, quite pie-eyed,
this body, most distinctly blonde.

There seems to be a natural bond,
for every Bonnie has her Clyde,
for purpose of the life I've donned.

As for success, well, I have bombed;
could it be said that I have lied ?
My body's most distinctly blonde,

which leaves me in a moral quand-
ry - 'bout that whiff of peroxide :
for purpose in this life, I've conned;
a body ..... mostly ..... distinct blonde.

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: heartsong7 Jul 17 04, 20:14

Encounter

It was the most God awful ugly cat
and caterwauled the most horrendous cries,
while in its mouth, it held a fat gray rat.

I tried to skirt the pathway where it sat
and watched it stare at me with yellow eyes.
It was the most God awful ugly cat

with weepy sores and fur a tangly mat,
surrounded by a fleet of buzzing flies,
while in its mouth, it held a fat gray rat.

I walked a little nearer, shouted "scat!"
It looked away and held onto its prize.
It was the most God awful ugly cat

and as it started toward me, I knew that
confronting such a creature wasn't wise,
while in its mouth, it held a fat gray rat.

I walked the other way and tipped my hat,
aware my veil of calm a thin disguise.
It was the most God awful ugly cat,
while in its mouth, it held a fat gray rat.

by Susan Eckenrode
2003

******************

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 18 04, 02:44

This one awaits critique in the the crit forums... as I'm sure yours already endured, Susan.  Lovely indeed.

This Place I Learned to Hide

this dread… this emptiness inside
that makes me want to run away
somewhere… this place I learned to hide

some shame?  a fear?  I can’t decide
Oh, God!  this fog seems here to stay…
this dread… this emptiness inside

no one in whom I can confide
who’ll help me look into this gray
somewhere… this place I learned to hide

a glimpse, a curtain pulled aside
a specter melts.  How can I stay
this dread? …this emptiness inside?

a hundred lonely nights I’ve cried
please show me; put it on display
somewhere… this place I learned to hide

I know some day You will provide
more Light… somehow You will allay
this dread… this emptiness inside
somewhere… this place I learned to hide

© Daniel J Ricketts 16 July 2004

Posted by: Cathy Nov 11 04, 12:15

I'm not real good at this but here goes!

During The Holidays~


The kitchen is the place to be during the holidays.
Lively chatter about cooking with a helpful hint or two.
There's a tender loving atmosphere that lasts for many days.

The turkey has little time to roast, let us not delay,
meanwhile there's much talking, laughing, and baking to do.
The kitchen is the place to be during the holidays.

Aunt Lucy's having such a time her smile won't go away,
She settles down, Peg cracks a joke, her laughter starts anew.
There's a tender loving atmosphere that lasts for many days.

The aromas are delectable and temptingly drift our way,
Pies of pumpkin, cherrie, apple, one of blueberry too,
The kitchen is the place to be during the holidays.

A taste of this, a smidgen of that, sampling is done always.
It's all placed on the table and there's nothing more to do.
There's a tender loving atmosphere that lasts for many days.

They give thanks for His many blessings, today and always,
praying that it continues as the year starts anew.
The kitchen is the place to be during the holidays,
There's a tender loving atmosphere that lasts for many days.

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 13 05, 02:16

I'm not a Villain
'ell, I'm Just Vanilla!

I really ponder:  Have I anything to say
of value that would be remembered, put to use
in poetry or prose? That would light up my grey!

I go to gatherings where people chatter through the day,
while I stand stiffly by as though my neck were in a noose.
I really wonder if I've anything to say.

I slink off, sit or clump, oft in dim corner, hid away
to journal, try to frame some thought or pry one loose
in poetry or prose that could light up the grey!

At length I scratch out some inconsequential bray
but fear to share, so there I stay on my caboose.
( I really wonder if I've anything to say! )

Perhaps I'll rise with brilliant thought, profound . . . one day.
Till then, I'll just compose myself to smile, let loose
in poetry or prose.  That should light up my grey.

No fanfare!  No resplendent rainbow comes my way,
and I return to my internal self-abuse
where still I wonder:  Have I anything to say
in poetry or prose that could light up this grey?

© Daniel J Ricketts

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 15 05, 16:34

[ I'm offering this one for Don.  It's a revision of one that I wrote when I was learning how to write the form three years ago... with names changed to protect the innocent:

I offer it here for the sake of light humor and instruction... and thankfulness for his visit! ]

Toying with a Villanelle

Now toying with a villanelle;
ya think there’s somethin’ wrong with me?
Who’d know if we were doing well?

Its meter seems to ring a bell.
Who’s that there up ahead of me…
now toying with a villanelle?

At first I marvel; could they tell
if meter’s right?  Most here write free.
Who’d know?  If we were doing well…

perhaps our beat’s begun to jell.
Could dancin’ prompt us all to be
now toying with a villanelle?

No hope to give inside my cell;
I need some sleep; my ear can’t see.
Who’d know if we were doing well?

I rise from napping.  What’s that knell?
Aha!  A Light!  Don; will he be
now toying with a villanelle…
who’d know if we were doing well.

© Daniel J Ricketts 28 March 2002
(revised 15 April 2005)

Posted by: Don Apr 16 05, 19:37

Toying with a Villanelle
By Just Daniel for discussion with Don Holmes

Now toying with a villanelle; [diamb, paeon]8
ya think there’s somethin’ wrongwith me? [iamb, trochee, amphimacer]9
Who’d know if we were doing well? [iambic tetrameter]8

Its meter seems to ring a bell. [iambic tetrameter]8
Who’s that there up ahead of me…[molossus, pyrrhic, anapest, iamb]8
now toying with a villanelle? [diamb, paeon]8

At first I marvel; could they tell [iambic tetrameter]8
if meter’s right?  Most here write free. [diamb, ditrochee]8
Who’d know?  If we were doing well…[iambic tetrameter]8

perhapsour beat’s begun to jell. [iambic tetrameter]8
Could dancin’ promptus all to be [iambic tetrameter]8
now toying witha villanelle? [diamb, paeon]8

No hope to give inside my cell; [iambic tetrameter]8
I need some sleep; my ear can’t see. [iambic tetrameter]8
Who’d know if we were doing well? [iambic tetrameter]8

I rise from napping.  What’s that knell? [iambic tetrameter]8
Aha!  A Light!  Don; will he be [diamb, monosyllabic, anapest]8
now toying with a villanelle… [diamb, paeon]8
who’d knowif we were doing well. [iambic tetrameter]8

Table of metric feet: http://www.noggs.dsl.pipex.com/vf/feet.htm
plus monosyllabic / stressed/ WOW
Always question my contraction scansion.
My training was to make all lines either six-syllable or ten-syllable.
Above poem varies between 8 and 9-syllables.
Per my dictionary “vil la nelle” is three-syllables.

Just Daniel, you have my opinion; now what do you say?

Don




Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 17 05, 05:22

Hmmm... Did you enjoy it?  or was it just work, Don?  dance.gif  Great to have you on the floor with me.

... and I have to laugh at "varies between 8 and 9 syllables, when you only count one as 9... and even that one is miscounted!  LOL.  I'm really not sure how you came up with 9 there... so each line has 9 syllables.

Though I'd not been familiar with some of the designations you'd used, I might concur... although vil-la-NELLE does have a secondary accent on the first syllable... making my use of it throughout an acceptable facsimile of IT...
and this line I hear a bit differently than you:

if meter’s right?  Most here write free. [ ref. to Free Verse ]

Let's dance!  dance.gif ... Lightly, of course, Daniel  sun.gif




Posted by: Don Apr 17 05, 07:49

Hi Daniel,

Though a lot of work, due to code transcription, I would not have done it if not worthwhile.  Yes, I got the theme that most write free verse and efforts to use detail like meter probably are not seen. Though a very poor example, miniature plastic cars have more hidden parts than visible. Why bother?  My honest reason for attempting to improve in detail is often an item is enjoyed for many unnoticed features.  An example is a neat document will tend to be considered accurate, which may not be true. This latter example does not apply to point I wish to make because it represents the obvious lending a beneficial aspect.  Is there no escaping a muddled mind early mornings?

The nine-syllable count involved a contraction.  Remember my disclaimer about scanning contractions.

I am surprised we disagree on so few scansion items.  Scansion is very contentious, and why I try to partake for improvement with others, such as yourself or jgdittier. Like you wrote most here are free.

My AHD applies a single ictus to "villanelle."  Your dictionary may differ, which is another contentious issue regarding scansion.

I think one of the reasons I am dissatisfied with quality of my own villanelles is they do not require attention to meter, and I concentrated on syllable count ignoring meter.  Words with more than two-syllables can mess up rhythm like lipstick on a shirt collar.

Let's do this again sometime

Don

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 17 05, 12:01

I'll look forward to it, Don.  There's no arguing that meter adds a great deal behind and under the flow of a piece of poetry.  Well, there may be arguing... but since it IS behind and under the flow, some may not really SEE it or understand it, but they likely feel it... if they read it the same way.

Therein is another of the problems of scansion.  There is such a wide divergence in pronunciation of various words from one region to another, from one mode of learning to another, from one dictionary to another, from one version of 'English' to another.  It is really impossible to know completely how our readers will read aloud some of our words.  There is virtual agreement surely on over 90 percent of the pronunciation, but the remainder bugger things up.  [ Of course, we do some of the buggering ourselves! ]

As to contractions, it seems to me that one of the purposes of their invention was to reduce the number of syllables, either in a poetic piece or in colloquial or slang parlance.  Thus "cannot" = cannot be but two syllables; "can't" = cants as but one.  Guitar.gif
deLighting to play... serioiusly, Daniel  sun.gif

P.S. ... and one or the other of those (playing or being serious) usually gets me in trouble!




Posted by: jgdittier Apr 28 05, 09:40

Dear All,
I am slowly getting the lay of the land.
Reading all these Vs has almost motivated me to try one, To be honest tho, my niche, I believe, is more with words than full lines and I doubt I'll ever write ant verse that doesn't have some cadence as an element of it.
This villanelle form is however somewhat similar to the rondeay and swap quatrain which I've attacked.
No doubt in time I'll post here, but for now, I've miles to go before I rest.
Just wanted to thank you all for these moments of pleasure you've given me.
Cheers,     jgd




Posted by: Don Apr 28 05, 10:35

Hi jgdittier,

Your presence, among a few others, is why I return often.

I think you will like the villanelle and probably use the tighter options.  You said you have not tried any before. There are many ways to tackle the composition.  Alan outlined one method over at Karnak under villanelles.  In your case I'll bet you could easily modify or parody existing artistic works.

I certainly am not an expert.  I wrote a few commemorating famous or notable personages.  As you know each fixed form fits given subjects better than others.  My samples verify that commemorations don't fit villanelles well.  Could be that they verify I can't write a good one, regardless.

Don

Posted by: AMETHYST Oct 31 05, 12:28

Temptation's Time--Villanelle #2...


Why steer away from God's abide
into the dark where evil strays.
Be still, my child, stay by my side.

The times have changed some nights I cry
to see unrest erode our ways.
Why steer away from God's abide?

As golden friendships now have died
and many feel they've been betrayed
Be still, my child-stay by my side.

Only the strong of heart reside
herein; hold fast-don't go astray
Why steer away from God's abide

and lose your way upon the tide-
alone, afraid...until you pray...
be still, my child-stay by my side.

The lord can see, his eyes are wide
and strong is he...to save the day...
Why steer away from God's abide,
be still...my child; stay by my side.

Posted by: Maxim Nov 1 05, 12:56

I tried this form after coming across it a year or so ago and the following was my first attempt (of a grand total of 2 so far!)

Progress

Our future's safe, we're not concerned,
as Man's advances demonstrate,
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

Our primal beast has long been spurned;
since reasoning controls our fate,
our future's safe. We're not concerned

that former cultures grew then burned.
We'd sooner claim they illustrate
what distance our stone wheel has turned.

And yet the very things we've learned
make it debatable to rate
our futures safe. We're not concerned

but has this confidence been earned?
Could Nature's ills now indicate
what distance our stone wheel has turned?

If real progress can be discerned
then why with blind indifference state,
"Our future's safe"? We're not concerned
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

The guidance I read at the time instructed that the repeated lines should "change in both position and meaning through the poem, increasing in irony until the final couplet fairly shimmers with that special substance". Comparing this to the Sonnet's volta. I am not sure if this was a recommendation or requirement, but was the part I found hardest in developing a villanelle. (I am not claiming to have acheived it here! just to have made an attempt.)


MaXiM




Posted by: AMETHYST Nov 5 05, 14:25

Hello Maxim,


You've met this form with a masterful hand ~ There are some absolute excellent lines and imagery. The rependant lines are smooth and blend well, each making their slight changes of meaning, while maintaining a steady message. The end rhymes are fresh. Not the same old, overused rhymes we often see when dealing with a repetitve sound.

I think you should be quite proud of your work here.

Best Regards, Liz ~

QUOTE
Progress

Our future's safe, we're not concerned,
as Man's advances demonstrate,
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

Great opening stanza. A dramatic tone to match a prominate declaration.

Our primal beast has long been spurned;
since reasoning controls our fate,
our future's safe. We're not concerned

Slowly, the narrator offers a rational change to present the ideal of mind over feeling, or instinct as it might be. The assurance that we are in control of our own destiny, and yet...it bears with it a slight unsurity in the tone. I liked this as it gives that undertone of 'are we?' ...

that former cultures grew then burned.
We'd sooner claim they illustrate
what distance our stone wheel has turned.

The word 'claim' reinforces that unsurity for me, the reader. I felt the intensity of worriment.

And yet the very things we've learned
make it debatable to rate
our futures safe. We're not concerned

but has this confidence been earned?
Could Nature's ills now indicate
what distance our stone wheel has turned?

The growth from the first stanza, as the narrator is assured, and slowly offers tid bits to put the reader in doubt, to see a larger picture beyond our control and rationalizations. Excellent word choices to enhance this turn about of progress and it's direction of where we are and how little we control.

If real progress can be discerned
then why with blind indifference state,
"Our future's safe"? We're not concerned
what distance our stone wheel has turned!

EXCELLENT ending. This is a powerful observation that leaves the reader, pondering and wondering about our lives... both in the small of what brief effect we have and experience, and the whole of the universe around us. Great Work. Look forward to more of your work.

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 21 15, 03:25

Since there is a villanelle posted in the critique forum, I thought I'd bring this form up to the top of the board, particularly since no one has posted to it for some time. Here's a very LIGHT villain that I wrote more than a decade ago:


Mother Goose's Chuckle-a-lot Villanella

You think this villanella bard's uptight?
'e seems to be a poet in a box?
Per'aps 'is only drive's to do it right.

Who knows what makes 'im tick… or what’s 'is plight?
Young Baby Bear was scarred by Goldilocks,
you think? 'is villainy: 'er board's up tight…

to rock no more – and porridge-less – in fright!
…an' piglet-bard stays safe from wolf an' fox;
per'aps 'is only drive's to do it right!

Miss Muff's arachnophob'ia's out o' sight.
She banned the Kurds an' bound 'er whey with lox.
You think this villanella bard's uptight!

Red Riding Hood gave clever wolf a fight;
may'aps both lusted granny’s antique woks?
Per'aps?… 'tis only drive to do it! Right?

Poor 'umpty Dumpty's fall's from such a height:
anthology of pomes 'id in 'is socks!
You think this villanella bard's uptight!
Per'aps 'is only drive's to do it right.

© Daniel J Ricketts 16 Feb 2004

Posted by: Larry Nov 22 15, 17:45

Hi Daniel,

Loved it and will try to write something a bit more serious. I doubt I could ever match your wit; wit-out a lot
of help.

Larry

Posted by: Larry Dec 11 15, 10:12

Reflections

When youth was just a blush upon my cheek
and life’s untrodden path a mystery
there were no memories for me to seek.

An orphaned child, my future looked so bleak;
I wondered what was happening to me
when youth was just a blush upon my cheek.

My siblings were too traumatized and meek
for ages ranged from six to nearly three.
There were no memories for me to seek

until the years had passed. No longer weak
as Viet Nam became a travesty
when youth was just a blush upon my cheek.

Sickened by death, I soon became a freak
within a drug infused society…
there were no memories for me to seek.

Now time’s grey hand has withered my physique
and wistful thoughts of old a truancy
when youth was just a blush upon my cheek.
There are no memories for me to seek.

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 11 15, 11:08

Good grief, Larry!!! Except for the ages of your siblings and being orphaned, this sounds like ME!!!

deLighting in your clarity, Daniel sun.gif

Posted by: Larry Dec 11 15, 18:08

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for stopping by. I guess great minds are molded by similar circumstances.

Sorry it took so long but it was gut wrenching to write because all of it is/was true.

Larry

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