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> x10 - 2/18/17 - JLY, Dreams, Alive and Well
JLY
post Feb 24 17, 07:00
Post #1


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From: New Jersey
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Real Name: John
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Referred By:Larry Carr



Dreams, Alive and Well

The beach was eerie, as still air lingered,
in full darkness, no stars could be seen,
only a lone moonbeam sparkled on high
where ocean avenue met street eighteen.

Its been twenty years since love peaked,
on a burgundy blanket we became one,
baring our bodies and baring our souls,
emotions taxed, promises never to be undone

What the night knew, it wouldn't divulge,
the sounds of silence deafening for us both,
fear of letting go was a mask we wore,
in the damp sand we etched a faithful oath.

Recollections of her snip at my consciousness;
What became of that high school queen?
Her steel gray eyes and auburn hair,
continue to emblazon each and every dream.

Words used (in order of appearance): star, sparkle, twenty, love, burgundy, tax, mask, recollect snip, steel
[center][/center]


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JustDaniel
post Feb 24 17, 13:32
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Well done, John...

and I think you ought to offer this for critique. I thing it's worthy of taking a little more time with it without the constriction of the words given... even though you sewed them in very nicely!

... and of course you've been missed in the critique forums... like a lot of other folks.... hint, hint...

deLighting in your sharing, Daniel sun.gif


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JLY
post Feb 24 17, 13:51
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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Larry Carr



Daniel,
Thank you; it has been a very busy year. My wife has had many health issues; we sold our house and moved into a smaller home and time has just slipped by.
Hope to be back active again as I have managed to write quite a few things.

JLY


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Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


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Larry
post Feb 25 17, 10:20
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hello John,

It is so nice to see you back and answering challenges once more. I agree with Daniel that you should post this for critique. It is a beautiful story and from what I gather, probably true to life.

Mine is a bit shorter and mostly tongue-in-cheek but the idea came from the given words.

Great job,

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JLY
post Feb 25 17, 20:04
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Larry,
Thank you. It is not a true story, however, some of the images are ones that I observed.

I always polish up these challenge poems because I find the words are often restrictive and I replace some of them to make it better in the end.

JLY


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Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 26 17, 17:32
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep



Hi John, wave.gif

It's so nice to read your poetry again! I always see a scene so vividly in my mind.

Enjoyed this,
~Cleo galadriel.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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JLY
post Feb 26 17, 18:25
Post #7


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Group: Centurion
Posts: 4,592
Joined: 31-October 03
From: New Jersey
Member No.: 39
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Larry Carr



Lori,
Thank you. I had a topsy turvy year and I need to get back to writing.
JLY


·······IPB·······

Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 26 17, 19:02
Post #8


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Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



I can do relate!!! Mine was even longer.


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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