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Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jan 28 09, 23:20

Opposites Attract

Does warmth ever make you cold?
Does fear ever make you bold?
They say opposites attract
and on each other react
just like spores and food make mold!

Peggy Carpenter Harwood

Posted by: prerna bala Jan 29 09, 15:39

hi Peggy, why do you choose to say " Does warmth ever make you cold ?" instead of "Did warmth ever make you cold / or fear ever make you bold ...

also line four seems forced to me, what do you think?

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jan 29 09, 16:20

Hi PB,

I chose to use present tense verbs rather than past tense verbs, so I used "does" instead of your "did." As for line four being forced, I was trying to finish showing the relationship and leading into the reaction shown in line five.

Peggy

Posted by: ohsteve Jan 29 09, 20:32

Peggy, This does not strike me as a limerick, first it doesn't read like one to me. Second a limerick usually has nine syllable in the first two lines, five or six in the next two, then nine again in the fifth. Whereas yours has 7-7-7-6-7 if I counted correctly. According to Wikipedia, limericks are usually witty, funny, mostly pornographic and written in an anapestic style. And yours does not fit this. As just a short poem, this is good, but not as a limerick. JMHO.

My example:
There once was a lady from Monteglade
whose tan was starting really to fade.
She thought this quite neat
took her shoes off her feet
And sat under an Oak in the shade.

Mine is 9-9-5-6-8; OK mine is off syllable too, but more in the form of limerick that is most popular, I am not saying your wrong, just that it doesn't read as a limerick to me.
Steve

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jan 29 09, 20:43

Thanks Steve!! I'll just re-label it!!! Ha!!!

Peggy

Posted by: Mostafa Youssef Jan 13 10, 17:49

I liked the idea, I will not call it as a poem or something.. I would rather call it as an idea felt not understood!
Good work!

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jan 15 10, 08:49

Hi Mustafa,

Welcome to Mosaic Musings!!!

Thank you for reading my submission and for commenting !!! I'm glad you like my idea. We do call this kind of thing a poem because it has a rhyme scheme and meter. It is similar to a kind of poem called a "limerick" because of its rhyme scheme. A limerick has the rhyme scheme of A,A,B,B, A and this poem does as well. It is different from a limerick in one way as well: A true limerick has a 9,9,5,5,9 meter but this has a 7,7,7,7,7 meter.

Peggy

Posted by: Thoth Jan 16 10, 12:52

Hi Peggy,

I liked the idea of this one, especially the mouldy finale. I am unsure if there is a deeper message, there could be, in which case perhaps it’s too deep for the flippant limerick. It has to decide which way it wants to go, at present it sits on the fence going nowhere IMO.

If it moves to a more serious side you may have to attend to some issues with the similes and if you would like it to light, I would suggest using full limerick metre. Either directions are definitely feasible but I don’t know where you would prefer to take this one.

Just some ideas for example;

“A warming kiss can leave one cold
and fear turn the coward bold.
It's known that opposites attract
and on each other co-react;
so food uncovered ends as mould!”

Anyway, thanks for sharing those thoughts. I hope you manage to crystallize this one.

Hugz,

Wally

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Feb 15 10, 10:33

Hi Wally,

Sorry I took so long to get back to you after your comments! Actually I had hoped this one had died a natural death. Ha! No there is no hidden depth to it or double meaning. I was just fooling around with opposites and came up with this. And to tell the truth I've no real interest in working with it any longer. Right now I'm in the midst of trying to get a part-time job grading standardized test essays. I'll let you know if they hire me. I've let my teaching license expire because I retired and thus am not sure if they will consider me.

I hope you are recovering rapidly!!!

Thanks for the critique and it was good to hear from you!!!

Peggy

Posted by: 4rum Mar 31 10, 09:18

I do like limericks and when I took the time to read about the form what I commonly found were descriptions like "usually", "sometimes", "often" etc. The most profound statement I found was one lauding the limerick for it's inventiveness. Limericks not only allow deviation, they encourage it! It is even acceptable to INVENT a matching word if none exist by using part of the word you emulate, a sound that's needed or a comedic inference which will almost certainly be readily recognizable. Most places syllable count is secondary to rhythm.

Your examples are good contradictions
They scoff at the usual restrictions
Now amply discussed
You chuckle nonplussed
And deny us our dower addictions ...

... naughty girl

'rum

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Mar 31 10, 10:41

Hi rum,

I like your handle! Rum is quite a favorite drink of mine, especially Ron Bacardi. Ha!!

Like your limerick too!!! Great job!!!!!

As for my limerick, I just didn't feel like having this poem critiqued after I posted it, so I simply changed my mind. Ha! There is a special forum for that, but I'm not sure where it is. Actually, a number of local friends like it, so I'm leaving it as it is.

Glad you got a chuckle!!! And thanks for the supportive comments and the insight into limericks too!!!

Have a great spring day!!!!

Peggy