Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Sing Little Bird , Sing !
Aggiel
post Oct 28 04, 06:41
Post #1


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 764
Joined: 18-October 04
From: Sabah, Malaysia
Member No.: 80
Writer of: Poetry



Cleo,

You are always so encouraging ! Thanks a lot for dropping by.
StarWars1.gif   Wizard.gif  :king:


Lai


·······IPB·······

May all of us outrun any subsequent tsunamis.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Aggiel
post Oct 28 04, 06:45
Post #2


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 764
Joined: 18-October 04
From: Sabah, Malaysia
Member No.: 80
Writer of: Poetry



You are right James. The weather is certainly better here. We do have rainy season and monsoon season though and you have your beautiful spring and fall. sun.gif  :smart:


Yes, wee sounds poetry like so I use it quite often.

Nice of you to drop by.


Lai


·······IPB·······

May all of us outrun any subsequent tsunamis.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Guest_Don_*
post Nov 4 04, 20:07
Post #3





Guest






Hi friend,

I thought last stanza rhyme was a little forced.

As a whole I enjoyed the wisdom of childlike observations.
It contains a nurturing, fulfilling quality.

The description of what butterflies do not eat and birds do eat is well composed.

Don   pumpkin.gif
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Aggiel
post Nov 6 04, 00:35
Post #4


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 764
Joined: 18-October 04
From: Sabah, Malaysia
Member No.: 80
Writer of: Poetry



Thanks a lot Don for the critiques. You are right about the last stanza. I have rewritten it.  :smart:


All the best  :sun:

Lai


·······IPB·······

May all of us outrun any subsequent tsunamis.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Oct 27 04, 05:22
Post #5


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Very nice Lai! lovie.gif

I will re-visit this nice song poem often! wolf.gif

Cheers!
Cleo cool.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Guest_Jox_*
post Oct 27 04, 05:52
Post #6





Guest






Hi Lai,

I like the Scottish aspect - "Wee" but I suspect the weather is better than in Scotland.

I also like the reference to "surreal valley"; underlines the false Disney-like quality; very clever.

James.
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Aggiel
post Oct 23 04, 23:04
Post #7


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 764
Joined: 18-October 04
From: Sabah, Malaysia
Member No.: 80
Writer of: Poetry



Sing Little Bird , Sing ! ( EDITED )

                         Come, you birdie that sings with glee
                         The night has passed , the sun is up
                         You must come down the tree to see
                         I've put out some crumbs for you in a cup.

                         Sing , little bird , sing me a song !
                         make me soft and sweet all day long .
                         Soon , I will leave this surreal valley
                         chirp me your tales ; make me merry !

                         Wee butterflies flit among bright flowers
                         red, yellow and pink , after showers .
                         Like you , they need to drink and feed,
                         but do not eat bread crumbs or seed .

                         So little bird , start singing your song .
                         I've waited for your melody late and long .
                         Sing of the mountains , plains and sunrise
                         the  fairies , fresh dews and fireflies.

                         My little bird sings on and on and on .
                        creates  a  dream  for my  new dawn.
                         When   the sun sets  it sings  no more;
                        that's the time when  I close my door.

                          Aggie

Sing Little Bird , Sing ! ( ORIGINAL)

Come, you birdie that sings with glee
The night has passed , the sun is up
You must come down the tree to see
I've put out some crumbs for you in a cup.

Sing , little bird , sing me a song !
make me soft and sweet all day long .
Soon , I will leave this surreal valley
chirp me your tales ; make me merry !

Wee butterflies flit among bright flowers
red, yellow and pink , after showers .
Like you , they need to drink and feed,
but do not eat bread crumbs or seed .

So little bird , start singing your song .
I've waited for your melody late and long .
Sing of the mountains , plains and sunrise
the  fairies , fresh dews and fireflies.

My little bird sings on and on and on .
I sit on my veranda listening , all alone .
My bird will come tomorrow at dawn.
I will be out there  mowing  the lawn.

sun.gif

2oo2 Lai


·······IPB·······

May all of us outrun any subsequent tsunamis.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 17:42




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: