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Posted by: Cybele Jun 1 06, 05:00

Member Choice Award Winner

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POSTCARD FROM LESVOS

GARDEN OF THE SEA

Margarita tends flowers
spilling profusely
from freshly painted
sky-blue boxes
overhanging the beach.

Parasitic pots,
buckets and shells drip
blood-red geraniums
down the lime-washed
boles of Almirikia trees.

Roses toss golden heads
on a scintilla of a breeze;
as a lace-edged, turquoise sea
is busy, busy, polishing
jewel- bright stones.

***

At dusk,
strings of sapphire lights
will wink above
white marble tables
as the last crimson rays
lovingly caress
Margarita's
'Garden of the Sea.'

(All rights reserved byGrace Galton as an unpublished work)

Posted by: Nina Jun 1 06, 06:20

Hi Grace

A lovely photograph which complements your wonderful poem so well. You have such a profusion of colour in this poem.

GARDEN OF THE SEA

Margarita tends flowers
which spill profusely
from fresh-{ }painted,
sky blue boxes ...should sky-blue be hyphenated?
overhanging the beach.

Parasitic pots, ..good alliteration
buckets and shells spill
blood-red geraniums ..lovely description
down the lime-washed
boles of Almirikia trees.

Roses, toss golden heads,
on a scintilla of a breeze{,}[;]
{as a} lace-edged, turquoise sea
is busy, busy, polishing
jewel-{ }bright stones.

***

At dusk,
strings of sapphire lights
{will} wink above
white marble tables
as the last crimson rays
lovingly caress
Margarita's

Garden of the Sea. ..should there be a line break here? Lovely image of the sunlight fading from the flowers

Thanks for sharing this, I very much enjoyed the postcard.

Nina

Posted by: Cybele Jun 1 06, 08:30

Hello Nina,

GARDEN OF THE SEA




I don't think sky blue is hyphenated Nina. So many colours are prefixed by a comparison but I am sure they are not all hyphenated. Having said that I do believe blood-red is!




Thanks Nina.




Okey doke will change to semi colon.

***





I have used 'will' wink Nina because I know that is what will happen. I haven't yet seen the effect (first visit at the taverna) but I can see the strings of blue light bulbs overhead under the awning.

'Garden of the Sea' was what Margarita called it when I told her how beautiful I thought it was. I thought it deserved special recognition with a line break, but perhaps not?

On each table, every day were bowls with roses, bougainvillea, mint and citronella sprigs. She gave me a sprig of cotronella which I used as a book mark. Lemon is my favourite scent, and I could have died of pleasure!



I am so glad you enjoyed it Nina. Didn't think I was ever going to get back to writing poetry!

Posted by: Peterpan Jun 1 06, 10:17

Hello Grace!

Travel is a wonderful past-time? I loved travelling with you! Thank you for sharing the postcard!

One little, little point I noticed was that you used the word 'spill' twice.

Other than that Nina has given you very sound suggestions.

Well done!

Bev

Posted by: Rosemerta Jun 2 06, 03:18

Hi Grace,

I loved the imagery in this poem. Even more so than the lovely graphic. Made me wish I were there. I only had a couple of suggestions to take or leave as you wish.

Profusely seemed a harsh word for such a gentle scene. Perhaps you might substitute abundantly.

Score one for Nina! ~~~ I checked my WordWeb and sky-blue is hyphenated.


That seems sort of a toss up but I did find it a little distracting and almost missed it. I don't know if it is proper or not but could it be placed in the last line with quote marks around it?

Posted by: Cybele Jun 2 06, 04:44

Hi Jackie,

Thank you

QUOTE

I only had a couple of suggestions to take or leave as you wish.

Fire away

QUOTE

Profusely seemed a harsh word for such a gentle scene. Perhaps you might substitute abundantly.

I did consider 'abundantly' Bev, but I thought that profusely was the nicer of the two words. Abundantly seems a little more of a contrived word to me.

QUOTE

Score one for Nina! ~~~ I checked my WordWeb and sky-blue is hyphenated

.

OKAY OKAY ALREADY! I surrender Just dashing off to insert the dash.

QUOTE

That seems sort of a toss up but I did find it a little distracting and almost missed it. I don't know if it is proper or not but could it be placed in the last line with quote marks around it?

Sounds good to me Bev. After all it was a quote from Margarita, so why not quote marks. Good thinking Batman!

Glad you enjoyed it Bev and thank you for the constructive crit.

Posted by: the_ghost_of_tom_joad Jun 2 06, 16:09

Hello again Grace!

What a perfectly invisioned and well constructed poem you have here. It`s been awhile since we talked, and I`m not sure if you remember me, but you were the one that brought me to MM so long ago and then I disappeared. Sorry to have done that without explanation, but sometimes life takes some rather unexpected twists and turns.

This critiquing thing is still rather difficult for me, but the better the poem, the easier it seems to be, and that is especially a compliment in the case of your poem before me. I`m just not one to go out on a limb and try to re-write someone elses hard work. Anyway, I will try and say a couple of things, just for the record.

Foremost, I don`t see any particular travesty in hyphenating, "sky-blue." Good writers have always manufactured words to suit their personal taste and language needs to communicate. I believe it totally depends on whether the writer wants the coupled word to be pronounced on the downbeat as one word or seperated as two distinct words. I ran into problems with one of my poems that had an unusual number of hyphenated words. So many people did not hear the same stresses and breaks as me. What I found that helps is to read a poem many times over very slowly and deliberately, as if reading it for the first time, before making any editorial decisions.

"Blood-red, lace-edged, jewel-bright," are all terrifically realized images. Once in awhile, I`ve had to draw the line with my own creative combinations. Once, I used, "stone-aching," in a poem, and although it made perfect sense to me, no one else seemed to get it, so I did end up scratching it.

I would insert a comma at the end of the line, "white marble tables." I believe someone might have already mentioned that. This is a minor suggestion, but after many readings, I kept wanting to hear, "Garden by the sea." I`m probably gonna get murdered by someone in here for that suggestion....lol...but sometimes, I even hear it as, "Little garden by the sea." Again, your imigary is intoxicatingly beautiful. As always, you do very, very good work. Take care and I look forward to any future postings.

Always,

Keith

Posted by: Rosemerta Jun 2 06, 22:42

Hi Grace,

I don't know who Bev is but she's probably wondering when she wrote this. Don't worry, you're the second one today to confuse me with someone else.

I thought about that as well. There's always 'copiously'. **giggle, snort, snort**

Well, at least you're a good sport about it. You would have thought I would know that having been an art teacher but I had to look it up to be sure.

Good point there! Can't give me all the credit... I usually have Robin writing up all my crib sheets.

~~~~~~ JACKIE

Posted by: Cybele Jun 3 06, 01:49

Hi Keith,

Of course I remember you. I asked the origin of 'Ghost of Tom Joad,' like an idiot, when Steinbeck is my favourite American author and I had read the Grapes of Wrath at least three times!

I know that critiquing is very daunting at first but we can only offer opinions on what we read and how we receive it. Don't ever worry about speaking your mind. Without critiquing we would never grow and learn. To me a poem is never considered finished.

I know that when I post one I am going to get the best advice from my contempories, people who love poetry and wish to learn from each other, so the more people who wish to offer such advice the better!

Your comment about the comma noted, thank you. I have a whole drawer full of commas and semi-colons that have been missed out. Just waiting for someone like you to come along and tell me I could use one!

Now as to 'Garden of the Sea.' I admit it sounds a little strange to our ears Keith, but Margarita is Greek and those were her very words when I so admired her flowers. It is a little off beat to our English ears, but I find it enchanting. It is the way she views it, and I wrote this for her especially.

Lovely to see you here again.

I am afraid I am always popping in and out these days.

Since I have been on my own I have developed wanderlust. There are so many places I long to see and new friends I have yet to meet.

Posted by: Cybele Jun 3 06, 02:12

Hi Bev,

Forgive me my dear. I did answer this and you will notice that I made the excellent correction you suggested.

After that things started slipping away from me. I obviously didn't hit the 'ADD REPLY' button and my words disappeared into the internet ether.

To add insult to injury I Then addressed a reply to Jackie with your name


Well, I have just come back from a month in the Greek Islands and I am afraid I didn't just leave my heart there, but also what few mental faculties I have left.

Profuse, abundant and copious apologies to you and Jackie.

(Oh, and thank you for reading and enjoying, Bev.

Posted by: Toumai Jun 3 06, 02:37

Hi Grace

I don't think I have any suggestions to add but just wanted to drop by and say thanks for sharing your postcard; enjoyed it so much.

Fran

Posted by: Jox Jun 3 06, 02:52

Hi Grace,

I see you're swamped by critters! Brill!

My only suggestion (which may already have been made, sorry) is that you could tighted:

Margarita tends flowers
which spill profusely

e.g. "spilling," rather than "which spill" - but it also implies more tweaking after, so you may prefer not to so do.

Thanks for the read and the photograph.

J.

Posted by: Peterpan Jun 3 06, 09:48

Hello Grace~

Sometimes when there are lots of replies to make it is confusing. I realised you had got confused! I am sure Jackie saw that too.

The revision is good.

Bev/Peterpan

Posted by: Cybele Jun 3 06, 10:11

Hello James,

"spilling," rather than "which spill"

I like thise suggesting very much James. It makes the poem 'of the moment'. Thank you.

Posted by: Cybele Jun 3 06, 10:16

Hello again Bev,

Thank you. That's my normal state Bev. Ask anyone here!

QUOTE

The revision is good.

Thank you. More revision just undertaken with James's help.

Posted by: Cybele Jun 3 06, 10:21

Hi Fran,

Well, thank you for enjoying it so nicely!

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Jun 10 06, 10:44

Hi Grace.

What a lovely image! It's so good to read another 'postcard poem' of yours! Thanks again for your lovely postcard from Greece ~ it has a prominent place on the frig and I wish I were there!

I enjoyed every line in your poem and so I only am here to offer some punctuation adjustments.

HUGS
~Cleo

{-}

Margarita tends flowers
spilling profusely
from freshly painted{,}
sky-blue boxes
overhanging the beach.

Parasitic pots,
buckets and shells drip
blood-red geraniums
down the lime-washed
boles of Almirikia trees. <--- (an interesting description that adds visual appeal - does the red blend with the white and make a pink tone?)

Roses{,} toss golden heads{,}
on a scintilla of a breeze;
as a lace-edged, turquoise sea
is busy, busy, polishing
jewel- bright stones. <--- (delete the space before 'bright'. I love this image!)

***

At dusk,
strings of sapphire lights
will wink above
white marble tables
as the last crimson rays
lovingly caress
Margarita's
'Garden of the Sea.'
(lovely ending)!

Posted by: Cybele Jun 10 06, 12:01

Hi Lori,

I am glad you enjoyed this one. You certainly would have relaxed in the sun (or shade) or Maragarita's.

Parasitic pots,
buckets and shells drip
blood-red geraniums
down the lime-washed
boles of Almirikia trees. <--- (an interesting description that adds visual appeal - does the red blend with the white and make a pink tone?)

You can see a picture of this on the blog site below, Lori.

http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece

Punctuation noted, thank you scuttling off to correct it!

Posted by: Arnfinn Jun 13 06, 06:32

Hi Cob,

Your poem runs true to form with the postcard picture.

' as a lace-edged, turquoise sea
is busy, busy, polishing
jewel- bright stones.'

The above lines are identified very easily in your Lesvosian scene. Your scintilling busy, busy, sea, her hemline washing over the beach polishing stones is first rate.


At dusk,
strings of sapphire lights
will wink above
white marble tables
as the last crimson rays
lovingly caress
Margarita's
'Garden of the Sea.'



This struck me as another fine piece of imagery, Grace. ' Sapphire lights winking above white marble tables.' Seems to be the sort of place to settle into and enjoy a pleasant evening, perhaps some seafood and a couple of the local ales, then gaze out at the sea and let the alcohol set the mood.

Regards,

YPFDU,

John

Posted by: Cybele Jun 13 06, 09:43

G'day Arn,

Good onyer John!

QUOTE

At dusk,
strings of sapphire lights
will wink above
white marble tables
as the last crimson rays
lovingly caress
Margarita's
'Garden of the Sea.'


This struck me as another fine piece of imagery, Grace. ' Sapphire lights winking above white marble tables.' Seems to be the sort of place to settle into and enjoy a pleasant evening, perhaps some seafood and a couple of the local ales, then gaze out at the sea and let the alcohol set the mood.

Too true, blue! It was a little slice of heaven! Glad ya could see your way there to sit under the twinkly blue lights John!

Posted by: JLY Jun 13 06, 12:04

Grace,
I much enjoyed this one and I have become a devoted fan to your postcard series of poetic travelogues.
I still think you should publish these in one volume, possibly titled...."Travels With Grace" or something light-hearted that captures the fancy of travel enthusiasts.
JLY

Posted by: Cybele Jun 13 06, 16:17

Hi John,

Thank you John. A fan ~ WOW! I'm honoured.

QUOTE

I still think you should publish these in one volume, possibly titled...."Travels With Grace" or something light-hearted that captures the fancy of travel enthusiasts.

Everyone keeps telling me this John, and one day I may get round to it, trouble is, I am always on my travels!

I suppose, if the truth be told I don't have enough confidence in myself and can't believe that anyone would be bothered to read them.

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Sep 12 06, 17:38

Congrats Grace on your MEMBER CHOICE award winning tile!



Way to go!

~Cleo

Posted by: Cyn Sep 12 06, 17:57

pleasure to read this
congratulations grace

Posted by: Eisa Sep 12 06, 18:14

Hello Grace

... and CONGRATULATIONS

This is a very well deserved award.

snow

Posted by: duetsdove Sep 12 06, 18:15

Congratulations, Grace. . .on this Member's Choice Award!

~Rene~

Posted by: azurepoetry Sep 12 06, 22:02

Wow,

Congratuations Grace on your Member's Choice Award. You've painted a lush 'postcard' for us to view. Well done.

~tim/azurepoetry

Posted by: Peterpan Sep 12 06, 23:11

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!

From

Peterpan



PS
You were my nomination!! Thanks for supporting my decision!

Posted by: Cybele Sep 13 06, 02:52

Hello Lori, Cyn, Eisa, Rene, Tim and Bev,



I have to apologise once again fro my absence. I have been unwell for a while suffering from giddiness which isn't helped by looking at a PC screen.

Better now though and about for a few days before I dash off on my travels around England again.

Many thanks to you all for your lovely remarks and your very kind congratulations.

This is really a lovely surprise.

Posted by: Mysty Sep 13 06, 04:36

Hi Grace .... what a gorgeous picture...... simply lovely the picture your words paint.. the photograph is really unnecessary lol. I could see it already. It sounds like paradise.

Mysty

Posted by: Cybele Sep 13 06, 06:08

Hi Mysty,


Delighted to meet you.

I am glad you enjoyed this. It is one in a series of Postcard poems. I try to write one from every place I visit.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 13 06, 07:45

Simply beatiful and refreshingly restful, Grace...

makes me want to be there.

deLightingly, Daniel

P.S. I'm wondering how one can be sick with giddiness?!

Posted by: Cybele Sep 13 06, 08:07

Hi Daniel,

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

I had a virus infection of the ears Daniel that affected my sense of balance causing giddiness, and the giddiness made me feel rather nauseous.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 13 06, 08:27

Wow, I've never heard of that! I remember being in school with a bunch of giddy girls, and that made me nauseous, but it never seemed to affect them much.

Seriously, that sounds mighty uncomfortable, Grace. I'm glad you're on the other side of it. I hope you'll enjoy your travels about again... and we'll look forward to your pictures and travelogs!

deLighting in seeing your name, always, Daniel

Posted by: Cathy Sep 13 06, 10:19

Congratulations Grace!!

Posted by: Cybele Sep 13 06, 13:08

Thank you very much Cathy!

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Sep 16 06, 11:23

Congrats Grace on your wizard award winning tile!

Well done!

~Cleo

Posted by: Cathy Sep 16 06, 11:30

LOL Congratulations again Grace! Most well-deserved...

Cathy

Posted by: duetsdove Sep 16 06, 11:57

Congratulations on both of your awards! This is lovely and visual.

~Ren~

Posted by: Cybele Sep 16 06, 16:33

Dear Lori, Cathy and Ren,

Wow, another Wizard! How wonderful.Many thanks for your kind words and congratulations. Much appreciated.

Posted by: Eisa Sep 17 06, 14:57

Well done again Grace -- I always love your 'postcard' poems

Snow

Posted by: Cybele Sep 17 06, 16:03

Hello Snow,

Good to see you again. Thank you for your kind remarks.
I hope to be around a little more now. (Have just finished a chapbook I have been working on to raise funds for Brain injured Children.. at the printers now.)

Posted by: AMETHYST Sep 17 06, 23:04

Congratuations Grace.

I am floored with the lovliness of the poem. Such descriptive and yet, you leave such leads to have the reader take themselves there... a drawing I might say...

Well worth the Wizard award and the read!

Hugs, Liz

Posted by: Cybele Sep 18 06, 02:17

Hello Liz,

Many thanks for your kind words. I am so glad everyone was able to envisage this beautiful spot where I spent so many happy hours.