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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Poetry Exhibition -> Plato's Pearls of Wisdom  |
 Jul 7 09, 15:01
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#1
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 Babylonian  Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy  |
too eager
the hands clutching colossal sticks when our needs are just by virtue of ventilated skulls and delicate hearts… This post has been edited by hellfire: Aug 3 09, 08:27 |
  
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Jul 15 09, 10:22
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hello hellfire,
 A brief look into the vulnerablilties of life. I'm not certain I understand your message however. Are you saying here that we overlook the obvious - take on tasks that are too large for us to handle (without help)? Big hearts often hurt and fall the hardest... ~Cleo 
·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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Jul 15 09, 11:55
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#3
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Babylonian Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy |
hi cleo
thank you for commenting. just to clarify,this piece basicly says that in our societies/current governments there is the perception that our first response to probems would be better solved by violent means,hence the big sticks. however in most cases it is cool heads and caring hearts that will ultimately win the battle (ventilated skulls and delicate hearts) hope it makes sense somehow cheers hellfire |
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Jul 15 09, 14:36
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#4
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi,
Yes, it makes sense that you've elaborated now. I might not have concluded it is about politics though if I hadn't asked. Thanks for the clarification! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_alice_* |
Jul 29 09, 05:59
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#5
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hello hellfire
I love minimalism. I like the strong sound of your poem. I didn't pick up that it was political, however the clashing of sticks gave the feeling of violence and the ventilating skulls a picture of the need to open up the mind to new ideas and doing things differently.. enjoyed Alice |
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Jul 30 09, 07:21
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#6
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Babylonian Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy |
hi alice
thanks for the comments much appreciated cheers |
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Aug 1 09, 01:34
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#7
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Hi Hellfire,
Good to see a post from you again. I thought this one was great and immediately picked up the sticks analogy as being that of war. The ventilated skulls has me thinking it was the losers being brainwashed (Skulls ventilated by means of big sticks) so I was a little off the mark there too. With Minimalist poetry, the balance lies is accurately transferring the message. This one I would say is somewhat borderline in that respect as the hit rate was 1/3. No need to emphasize "sticks" by mentioning it twice, "colossal" does that anyway. The word can be used elseware to clarify, a small tweek. Thanks for sharing this little gem. Cheers, Wally ······· ······· |
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Aug 3 09, 08:31
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#8
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Babylonian Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy |
hi wally
so nice to hear from you. thanks for the advice.i have made some changes.hope you approve the ventilated skulls refer to the cool heads needed at times thanks once again for the comments and support kind regards hellfire |
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