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Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 22 07, 00:31


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The frigid, ebony horizon that seldom covered the path of light and hope had been rubbed out once again this warring night. The fearless, invading blue moon freed itself from charcoal clouds that held it captive. While dancing above all living and dead, it rejoiced, beckoning to all who had once lost their way. A storm was coming, and it cared not what havoc it would bring.

Caught by surprise, the ‘New World’ sign flailed incessantly in the gale force wind just above the entrance to corporate headquarters. Only a select few could access the computerized security program that allowed entrance, and even fewer actually contributed to the work the company produced. There were infallible reasons for this. Power and technology of this magnitude had to be kept under wraps at all costs. However, even the best kept secrets often find their way to the public at large. For New World, this was simply not an option. There was too much at stake to think about the consequences this could bring to ‘New World’ and the Human Race.

"For Gods sake! Be careful with that," screamed assistant director of operations Ray Densmore. "That piece of equipment is worth more than you'll ever earn; if it falls you better make damn sure it lands on you!" he shouted at the delivery operatives who had accompanied their cargo from the experimental research laboratory C.E.R.N in Switzerland. Densmore, with his five thousand dollar Armani suit and his manicured nails was not accustomed to overseeing deliveries at airports, but director Metteur had insisted he take charge of this one. Densmore had no idea what was in this massive aluminum crate, which was about the same size as two telephone boxes and weighed at least three tons but as he looked around at the substantial security detail armed with Uzis, he assumed it was very valuable. It had taken the best part of an hour to load the crate onto the truck; the journey to New World would take another two. Densmore almost jumped out of his skin as a crack of thunder was unleashed overhead; the weather was turning for the worse. He wouldn't feel at ease until they had this damned crate safely inside the New World facility. What the hell was it anyway? he wondered as the truck and its escort pulled away.

The wind shifted, a weak straight-line smacked Densmore, lifting the front edge of his expensive toupee. A glossy-nailed hand streaked up and pressed it back into place. Across the street, a black car revved its engine. The blond at the wheel threw her head back in laughter at the primping, prancing man who held his hair in place. She turned the steering wheel, smoothly bringing her vehicle onto the street and blowing Densmore a pouty kiss as she went by. He pressed his hair even harder, his fingertips turning white. Even in the cloudy darkness of the night, you could see his face was red.

Densmore's neck hairs suddenly perked up as if an arctic blast had just hit him squarely in the face, despite his flushing pink tone. “Yeah, baby! Here’s a kiss right back at ya.” He met her passing gaze with his own, gyrated his crotch in her direction and then flipped the bird. Why do I keep seeing her everywhere I turn? He mumbled under his fetid Starbuck’s latte breath, the only remnant of warmth cycling through his frigid bones. Surely, she was a figment of his hellfire heydays from decades too far past to recall with any certainty? Riding the surges toward an impending storm drain, his empty cup floated away, as did his memory of her.

Climbing into the cab of the delivery van, which reeked of cigarettes and stale coffee, Densmore eased his ample, Armani covered butt onto the cold vinyl seat as the howling wind was joined by sheets of rain nearly blotting out any sight of the huge armored sedans escorting them back to New World. “Damn”, he thought! The trip would be much nicer if he were behind the wheel of his Rolls setting on soft leather instead of this sewer of a cab, but Metteur had insisted he ride with the cargo. Why in hell did it have to be the middle of the night, through driving rain; and why did the crate have to be shipped to some God forsaken airport in the suburbs where, it seemed, that damn blonde had been waiting for him.

The small convoy had been on the road for a few miles when Densmore cringed in disgust as the big burley driver of the van reached into his shirt pocket to pull out a pack of Picayune cigarettes and lit one up, breathing a heavy sigh of satisfaction after the first puff. “Put that damn thing out”, he said to the driver; “I’ll report this incident to your superiors!” The driver, with a smug look on his face, turned to Densmore and sneered, “I don’t have any! I own the transport company, the van you’re sitting in, the escorts in front of us and all the boys in them security outfits work for me! New World contracted me to haul your damn crate, not to take any smart-mouthed lip from some flunky. If you don’t like my smoke, open a window and shut up or I’ll stop this van and let you ride in the back with your cargo.” The rain was still coming down at a blinding slant and the storm seemed to have gained strength since their departure from the airport so, with a sheepish look on his face, hiding his impotent rage, Densmore shut up, stared at the driving rain, and flinched at each flash of lightening.

The glare of headlights caught the corner of Densmore’s eyes from a side street moments before the big tractor-trailer rig hit the front of the van, spinning it out of control. Densmore, shaken up by the crash, saw what seemed like twenty or so men emerge from the darkness carrying automatic weapons and there, in the middle of it all was that damn blonde again, standing on the street corner like she was directing traffic. Apparently, the escort drivers had seen the same professional precision of the ambush and sped off into the night. Belatedly, after seeing the van’s driver with his hands high above his head, and the little red lights from the laser sights centered on his and the driver’s chest, Densmore followed suit. Ten minutes later, New World’s mysterious crate was busted open right before his eyes and its contents were loaded into the back of the tractor-trailer. Under the headlights, as the thieves were carrying something that looked like a stainless steel coffin past the cab of the van, Densmore saw the acronym C.E.R.N. spelled out. What was a Criminal Examination, Retention and Nullification Module 1A and who the hell was that blonde?", Densmore thought, as the taillights of the big rig disappeared into the blackness, followed by the black sedan with the blonde's arm out the window, returning his gesture from earlier that night.

The remainder of the trip back to New World in the crippled van was a living nightmare for Densmore. Thoughts raced through his head about the ambush, the lost cargo, the damn blonde and how Director Metteur would react to the bad news. Through the weakening storm, he saw the top stories of the imposing tower of New World draped in black clouds which matched his mood and, he thought, his impending meeting with the director. Sure enough, there was Metteur and a contingent of armed guards waiting on the delivery dock as they drove up and parked. The menacing scowl on the director's face was heightened by the lights of the dock which were still swaying in the wind. Metteur knew something was wrong when he saw the smashed front end of the van and his apprehension grew when they did not back into the dock to deliver his precious cargo.

Don Sutherland sits in the shade outside a small Parisienne cafe sipping a beer and waiting for his wife to return from her shopping trip. The display on the billboard-size digital thermometer on the building across the street says it's 12:40 pm and 39 degrees Celsius. Don raises an eyebrow as a waiter approaches him with a telephone, he is surprised when the voice on the phone is a man's and not his wife's.

Hello

"Hey Don, its Sal..."

Are you kidding? Look...I'm on my honeymoon, the first time in five years me and Severine have had some time together and you...

"Don, I'm sorry, listen, it's Morrison, we think he's back. In fact, I'm sure he is, but nothing's official yet. I thought you'd want to know.

Jesus!!...Get me a flight out of here in the next hour, I'm coming back.

"The jet's already fueled and waiting for you, but your not coming back, your going to Switzerland"

Fine... Damn it, Sev wont be happy, are you sure it's him?

"It's got all the trademarks, you did say, no matter what the hour, if he ever showed up again, to call you, and I'm certain it's him."

Thanks, you did the right thing Sal, who else are you sending?








(another phone call, Sal calls Don's old partner (a female Speechless.gif , sexual tension, mutual dislike, trying to put all that behind her, cant say no)



I'll be back!!!!




.
  Forum: Weekly Challenges -> Acropolis · Post Preview: #104459 · Replies: 25 · Views: 11,436

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 21 07, 23:05


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Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Yum-Yum!! I'l be back, just wanted to say that I absolutely relished every syllable of this, so many strong points, just enough alliteration, lovely use of inner rhyme and I love....

QUOTE
He is within a moment
of the very spot on which
she turned him away
those long years ago…

heartsong7



I'll be back but thank-you for taking my passive 'whatever' mood and making it a very happy one magictongue.png


PS> I think your fast becoming my favorite poet... well, after Yeats and Heaney. shepherd.gif

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104458 · Replies: 11 · Views: 3,796

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 21 07, 23:02


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104457 · Replies: 11 · Views: 3,796

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 10 07, 15:27


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Hey Liz,

Thanks for taking the time to crit this piece. This is just a note to acknowledge your reply, I'll have to come back to this as I'm not in the right frame of mind to give the attention deserved.

Chat you later.

PS. I had critted your piece 'Life's Writings'...spent ages on it...then a stray finger hit the wrong button while 'select all' and poof gone!!! I only hit 'select all' to copy it so I wouldnt lose it. I'm not a happy bunny, anyway I'll try again when time allows.

Best Wishes
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104216 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,281

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 10 07, 05:57


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


.






spring rain-
the gradual
stop...ping






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  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #104205 · Replies: 1 · Views: 3,687

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 10 07, 05:37


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Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hi Liz, wave.gif

Thanks so very much for your in-depth and beautiful reply. I'm delighted that my 'lille poem incited such a reaction in you. rofl.gif

Because these ku' are supposed to leave the work up to the reader they are often/always open to different interpretations, and each is valid. I think the most important meaning is the one the reader finds. Yours and mine are quite close though Read.gif

Cheers !!

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #104204 · Replies: 2 · Views: 3,860

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 21:39


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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.







whispering to me
"I'm here"
sunshine








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  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #104154 · Replies: 2 · Views: 3,860

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 21:10


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hey Merlin,

Long time no see JackBox.gif

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, which I know is a rarity so cheers!!!

Line breaks, lol, "white space"...you know what I mean though???

Ummm, centering is my favorite format, I just like it that way, no other reason. Carlton Cards..my hero, LOL, yeah, that too... tounge.gif

QUOTE
a whisper doubles urged


Yeah, I suppose that line makes no sense without the enjambment, before and after:

with rasping breath
a whisper doubles urged
intent and still...

To explain, this part of the poem lets the reader use their imagination (I hope), what could she be whispering with her rasping breath that would double both effort and urge...it's up to you !!! magictongue.png

Ok, chat you later Merlin, a pleasure as always garfield.gif

Cheers!

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104153 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,281

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 20:51


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


QUOTE (Rosemerta @ Nov 6 07, 01:14 ) [snapback]104143[/snapback]
Hello, Terocon,

Normally I prefer the breaks but for some reason I liked your second version better but with leaving off the first 'still'.


Your poem is short enough to go well either way.

~~ Jackie


Hi Jackie, (you can call me Terry) thumbsup.gif

Thanks for your suggestions. I had a few problems with this, in relation to how the read flows, it's almost impossible to gauge from my POV. I read it as I want it to sound and not as it is. Am I making any sense here, lol ???

I'll keep your suggestions to the fore when I revise, thanks again.

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104150 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,281

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 09:52


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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.




One

Tender, yet fierce
in love, her touch
would softly grasp
this heart,
with rasping breath
a whisper doubles urged
intent and still...

still her raging eyes
meet mine,
All Yours, they say

...a lie so true,
the hurt so sweet,
too deep to feel
but one can know
and now it's you
and I.





Or, no line breaks ?????





One

Tender, yet fierce
in love, her touch
would softly grasp
this heart,
with rasping breath
a whisper doubles urged
intent and still
...still her raging eyes
meet mine,
All Yours, they say.
A lie so true,
the hurt so sweet,
too deep to feel
but one can know
and now it's you
and I.




.

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104125 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,281

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 09:37


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hey Alan,

Yeah I'm fairly poor at 'pirate-phonetic spelling' but perhaps your right...what if I leave stanza 2 in dialect and return the rest to the original format, ie;



Shivered

When the night fell
there was I in the dark,
and although all alone,
errie voices did hark, saying;

Na'er be a tinking
dat tis' all in yer ed,
fer t-night an fer all noights
ye lie wit da ded!


Such the shock and the terror
of what I'd been told
that I shook and I trembled
as me life's blood ran cold.

On that moonless black night,
for miles could be heard,
me last earthly screams
being ripped from this world
.


Thanks for that, let me know how this version sits with you, it's mostly format tweaks.

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104124 · Replies: 4 · Views: 2,455

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 09:20


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Thanks Cleo, yes, all of a sudden my posting's have become very decorative with all those sparkling tiles below. It takes quite a bit of work and effort, and I don't mean from me, thanks to everyone for all there help and guidance, "you know who you are", LOL. magictongue.png


On a side-note, although I thought I had written quite a few haiku before arriving here at MM, I hadn't really written any at all, I learned a lot after my first haiku posting and it sparked a real interest which has taken over from writing free-verse(mostly). I recently submitted a ku to The Irish Haiku Society which they published in their Shamrock collection.

yellow petals
the butterfly
disappears

I may send out a few more now, thanks...

Best Wishes

Thanks Jly, your words are too kind.

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Forum Awards -> Great Wall of... · Post Preview: #104123 · Replies: 3 · Views: 9,135

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 08:59


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Thanks, the monsoon after the drought eh?

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Member Milestones -> Laureate... · Post Preview: #104122 · Replies: 2 · Views: 9,925

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 5 07, 08:55


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Thank-you Cleo and JLY,

It is its own reward (as Seamus Heaney says) and the assistance and guidance I've received here at MM is reward enough. But (I wont lie) it's also nice to get a few of those lovely shining tiles, LOL.

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Forum Awards -> Great Wall of... · Post Preview: #104121 · Replies: 2 · Views: 8,276

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 4 07, 19:47


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Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hi Cleo,

Re: Chapbook/The Envious Star

Yes, I got a request for permission, I'v printed it out and signed it and will post it tomorrow. Thanks for accepting it, it's such an honor.

I hope it all goes well.

Best Wishes!!!

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104099 · Replies: 47 · Views: 20,042

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 4 07, 15:26


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Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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.
What a great surprise JackBox.gif blush21.gif

Thanks Cleo and everybody! sings.gif

"Also I'd like to thank my first grade English teacher Miss. Heaney who first sparked my interest in....bla bla bla...(3 hours later)...
...and finally I'd like to thank the dog and all the little people who made this possible" garfield.gif

Cheers.

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #104089 · Replies: 47 · Views: 20,042

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 1 07, 21:51


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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Hi Ace,

Nice to meet you.

The form is "western haiku" I suppose. Syllable count is less important than the (5-7-5)traditional Japanese haiku, although less than 17(usually 12 or so) is the norm.

My effort is not traditional at all, although it contains a kigo(ref to season) ie. "a gust of leaves" suggests Autumn, (open to interpretation) it mentions a human act 'midnight stroll' traditionally that means it's a senyru.

Sorry if I've bored you, this was really just a fun piece for Holloween but I could talk about this form till Christmas, even though I'm only a newbie to the art.

Delighted you enjoyed, looking forward to dealing with you again and I hope you enjoy the site and its many brilliant inhabitants.

Best Wishes.

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #103998 · Replies: 6 · Views: 14,679

Terocon101
Posted on: Nov 1 07, 21:23


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Group: Gold Member
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Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hi Cleo,

Thanks for your reaction.

LOL, hope I didnt scare you. JackBox.gif

Best Wishes !!!

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #103997 · Replies: 6 · Views: 14,679

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 31 07, 20:16


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


.




midnight stroll
a gust of leaves
throws stalking shadows
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #103980 · Replies: 6 · Views: 14,679

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 21 07, 20:12


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hi Judi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. My thoughts go out to you both, I hope everything turns out well.

PLease do return to this as it is a good piece. You have more important things to take care of at moment, but dont be a stranger and let us know how things are going.

Talk to you soon.

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #103783 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,117

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 19 07, 20:54


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


Hey Cleo,

Hope your having a good time on your break... champagne.gif

Glad you found the revision an improvement... magictongue.png

I look forward to your return.

Chat you later...

Best wishes.

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #103733 · Replies: 12 · Views: 4,016

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 19 07, 20:46


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Group: Gold Member
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Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


To whom it may concern...

I gave it a shot.

C&C..if you please...!!!

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #103731 · Replies: 12 · Views: 4,016

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 19 07, 20:22


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Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


QUOTE (ohsteve @ Oct 18 07, 13:57 ) [snapback]103677[/snapback]
Terry.. I love the first verse, I should say the first version of this ...shiver me timbers, it be sendin' a chill up me spine...lol...great stuff....
Steve


Ar-Oi !!! Thanks Steve,

Mission accomplished... ghostface.gif

Not sure about me pirate dialect though???

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #103727 · Replies: 4 · Views: 2,455

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 16 07, 02:44


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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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QUOTE
Hi Terry,

what a lovely poem! cloud9.gif One Q for you: Do you want to keep the stanzas as structured now, 4 lines each? I ask because in some fv poems I read, they are usually not structured quite so formally in this way. I'll offer some snips and as always, please take or toss my suggestions below as you wish.

Cheers
~Cleo Read.gif

[add] {delete} (comment)



In {soft} fading light, Ok, due to popular demand, trimmers employed!!!!
one autumn's evening (suggest changing to eve) LightSaber.gif Really. eve, I've wanted to use that in place of evening so many times..but I think of 'eve' in terms of 'day before' and not an abbv. of evening???????he stands {by the} [beside] still water's edge.
Before him [,]{are} just footsteps,
beyond now, a place; (moved these down)
he calls it ...never again.
Interesting opening, I want to read more to learn of this place and of him.

{On a} [One] warm spring morn Too many 'one's' or not enough??? Not sure!!!...Considering.
{with} [beneath] a blue-blue sky (moved down)
they walk in a dazzling gleam, (suggest a colon or semi-colon here) I need to read-up on my punctuation.
together in shine, together in shade
nothing comes between.
Lovely! I wont disagree garfield.gif

One white-glistened day,
in winter's chill her tears (moved the words slightly here)
freeze on {the} ice.
A remembered time echoes there, (or Echoes of time remembered there) Not sure of the enjambment wit your suggestion here??.
in its warmth...the worth of pain. (do you mean warmth?) Yes, thanks.
Here, I suggest a substitute for the word worth to make it more passionate, perhaps 'sacrifice of pain'? Yup! 'Worth' is totally wrong, I like where your going with alternative proposals.

You've given us a glimpse of three seasons, do you think you'd add one more for summer?


Hi Cleo,

First of all, very sharp of you to pick up on the seasonal aspect. As for the reason for the omitting of summer, actually it is there (kinda), it was the reason the character was lamenting in the first place; 'fading light', he believed that his 'summer' was behind him...little did he know eh??? We cant judge our future on our past(debatable???).

Do I want to keep the structure ??? Not particularly, depends on what your proposing I guess magictongue.png As for what the norms of structure are, or what is expected in this form/forum...no comment!!!
... Kidding, but I do take the term 'free-verse' quite literally...even though it may not look like it. I am open to suggestions on format and structure and everything, I'd be a fool not to when dealing with the residents of 'The Mosaic'... Idea.gif teacher.gif

I've actually tried to revise this one on many occasions, but cant quite get it right.
I'll usually post some fairly raw/rough stuff but not making any headway here this time...apologies to all concerned...revision soon...and with EVERYONES suggestions to the fore of my mind.

Gonna give it another go, thanks for reminding me of this one. I hadn't surrendered really, not consciencely anyway!!! Fencing.gif


Chat you soon...

Best Wishes

.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #103625 · Replies: 12 · Views: 4,016

Terocon101
Posted on: Oct 14 07, 12:37


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440


.



Shivered

Wen da night fell
der wiz I in da dark,
an although all alone,
eeerrie voices did 'ark;
sain,
Na'er be a tinking
dat tis' all in yer ed,
fer t-night an fer all noights
ye lie wit da ded!


Such da shock an da terror
o what I bin told,
dat I shook an I trembled
as me life's blood ran cold.

On dat moonless black noight
fer moiles could be 'eard,
me las eartly screams
bein rip'd o dis world.



ORIGINAL

Shivered

When the night fell
there was I in the dark
and although all alone
errie voices did hark, saying;

"Na'er be a thinking
that 'tis all in your head
for tonight and for all nights
you lie with the dead"

Such the shock and the terror
of what I'd been told,
that I shook and I trembled,
as my life's blood ran cold.

On that moonless black night,
for miles could be heard,
my last earthly screams
being ripped from this world.







.
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #103592 · Replies: 4 · Views: 2,455

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