First Edit
Kiss and Make-up
I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs
of her former self. Hunchbacked, in grey,
she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed:
at least a decade older. Her face and frame
wrinkled on an ironing board.
Facial massage, nourishing cream
and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new
wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured
and shaped her exhausted hair.
Emerging from the set,
her family failed to recognize her.
Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010
Kiss and Make-up (new title)
I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs of her former self.
Hunchbacked, in grey, she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed: at least a decade older.
Her face and frame wrinkled on an ironing board.
Facial massage, nourishing cream and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured and shaped her exhausted hair.
Emerging from the set, her family failed to recognize her.
Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010
Bev, Extreme make-over senior edition! eh! I thought this very well done. " Hey Mom! where's grandma?
Take care
Steve
Thanks for dropping in Steve. Good to hear from you. I been away from MM - very busy...You still writing good emotional words!
Bev
Hi Bev
I really loved this one - it's so good to read your work again.
My favourite:
Her face and frame wrinkled on an ironing board.
This is well written and the only suggestion I have is perhaps to alter the line breaks/even out the lines.
Just a thought - take or toss.
Snow
Kiss and Make-up (new title)
I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs
of her former self. Hunchbacked, in grey,
she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed:
at least a decade older. Her face and frame
wrinkled on an ironing board.
Facial massage, nourishing cream
and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new
wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured
and shaped her exhausted hair.
Emerging from the set,
her family failed to recognize her.
Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010
[/quote]
Hi Snow~ Thank you for stopping by! I agree with you. I waited for a few suggestions before change...but, yes. Thank you so much.
How are you?
Bev
PS Been a bit crazy of late...perhaps writing a bit again.
Bev,
You picked a theme that is very popular today. Every TV talk show is full of episodes of make-overs and the results are always astounding.
A piece of good news, your poem doesn't need much of a make-over; you hit all the marks and created images that are easy to understand. A good read, something that some of us "mature" citizens here can identify with.
JLY
Hi Bev!
I've also been absent with family problems...never a dull moment.
This is a great poem. But you haven't mentioned plastic surgery! Didn't this Frances go under the scalpel, seeing that her family didn't recognise her?!
Fact is, I'm intrigued as to whether Frances is a T.V. personality whom everybody knows and I'm completely in the dark. Why did she appear on T.V.?
I really love this poem and have no nits, just questions.
Do come back & educate me,
hugs, Syl***
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