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4rum
Posted on: Feb 22 11, 02:57


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Thanks Larry for your very detailed introspect into this discussion.

Basically I have a poem to write. It is to be a sequal. I'm not eager to follow the form of the first poem. I went looking for a form which suited my particular need. There may be many, I didn't find any.

If we look far enough back I suppose, we will find that there is actually only one form of written expression. I've explored as far as I need to. I've done a couple of writings using the five lines and it seems to work for me.

The incentive for the search was never to 'invent' anything. With time and effort I imagine I could disqualify almost any form recognized today by "the poetry world" (which in itself might require some definition if we wish to pick nits).

If nothing else the discussion has provided me with much invaluable knowledge that I did not have before. I thank each and every one of you for your guidance.

'rum
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #123881 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Feb 20 11, 03:24


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Tinker1111;

I'm not nearly the scholar of some here, but I consider it a stretch to accept Mr. Larkin's poem as iambic pentameter. Trochee and/or syllable count seem a little akward to me. Thank you for your effort and research.

'rum
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #123862 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Sep 21 10, 10:05


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Liz;

Overjoyed at your enthusaiam and encouragement. This is the only thing I could find from work. Don't have access to my files. This poem needs work and I do plan to revisit it, just haven't had time as I'm now into 'building' mountain dulcimers. Anywho ... here's this.


Faith Seasoned~Pentasam

Who quoth the lie O’ darken’d sky of grey
What promise of tomorrow doth prevail
When cold is turned against sun’s palest ray
Why bitten is each breath I may inhale
How shall my hope see through thy dismal veil

But breaking new unto the south and east
A whisper born of wisdom age to age
Scoff at my cry and track the fleeing beast
And cast a warmth to calm thy winter rage
That vernal sings the psalm from springtime’s page

First warblers catch the note and spread the word
Ostara’s equal night hath bid them so
On morning light the message must be heard
Pubescent seed within the womb must know
And once again my faith through grace must grow
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #122850 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Sep 18 10, 07:36


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Dear Liz and Larry;

Wonderful comments from both of you. Tinkering with form was not wholly aimed at a 'new' form, but one that would work better for me personally. I do like the English Sonnet, I don't like being restricted to fourteen lines. A lot of my poems are loooooooooooooooooong! I like Rhyme Royal, I don't like the seven line stanza as it often leaves me with just 'filler' in a couple of the lines.

I think that you, Liz, might enjoy doing one or two of these based on your love of cinquains. The one or two I've done with more serious subject matter do seem to flow pretty well. You can read without stumbling over that extra line that keeps it from being a quatrain.

Now ... I am quite obviously in over my head in any knowledge of form or structure when compared to either of you, but it gives me great pleasure that you both have offered such kind consideration of my dalliances.

A most sincere THANK YOU to you both!
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #122818 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Jul 2 10, 12:36


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Hi Larry,

Thanks for views. Yeah, I looked at 'most every form I could find. Read a good deal about cinquain's. I've done a couple of more serious pieces in the form here though. It seems more than 'just' a cinquain. Guess it depends largely on the point of view. No matter, I like this form pretty good and it has advantages (for me) over the English Sonnet or the Rime Royale.

Guess I could have went with 'five and dime' ... five lines, 10 syllables ... (iambic pentameter) rolleyes.gif
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #122123 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Jun 29 10, 01:00


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QUOTE (Sekhmet @ Jun 26 10, 09:33 ) *
Hello Sam - I found this in the Oxford English Dictionary - I remember this word being in use in English poetry when I was a child -
" ... was ever wont to wander."
wont


/wont/

adjective archaic or literary accustomed.

noun (one’s wont) formal or humorous one’s customary behaviour.

verb (3rd sing. present wonts or wont; past and past part. wont or wonted) archaic make or become accustomed.

— ORIGIN Old English.



M'k ... by these accounts I'm going to give 'wont' a nod and let it stay. Much like you said, sometimes I'll read a word or passage and just by its novel placement, it will stick in my head and I'll pull it out at some point in time. I do NOT research every idiom that pops up while writing. I probably should.

Thanks so much for the solid, printed reference you've given.

sam
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #122107 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Jun 10 10, 03:14


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Yep, decidedly neater. Nicely done. Stuff's still there for those who want it archived, but the board looks much better. How DO you find the time? Much appreciated.

Sam
  Forum: Nero's News · Post Preview: #121866 · Replies: 15 · Views: 8,172

4rum
Posted on: Jun 2 10, 06:16


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QUOTE (jgdittier @ May 31 10, 11:11 ) *
Dear Lori and staff,
Tho I've been dry as the Sahara for several months now, perhaps your proposed reforms will end the drought.
I wandered away from MM because of an aspect of its strong commitment to crits. My problem was/is that I consider myself a light verser. As a light verser, both crits written by others and my crits for others mostly missed the mark. I found no happy place to post where verse such as mine would be treated as LIGHT VERSE. In critting others' POETRY, my intolerance for the many new no-nos that I now believe are inflicted on modern R&M POETRY would make my comments of little value. I've found similar problems everywhere I've landed and believe that why the dry spell.
I'm much in favor of your reform. Maybe now my muses will return. Ditto too for those who have developed their art fully and will thus be relieved of the need to read crits from those less advanced.
Cheers, jgdittier Ron


I've had a suspicion that this may be the case with many. I write pretty mild or generic stuff too. I'm very happy to find that I'm not alone in my apprehension of giving full blown crits when ... 1. I don't really feel qualified and 2. Often there is not enough substance to warrant a critique.

I'd prefer to be supportive and encouraging. I hope MM will take these suggestions as meant ... with the warmest of intent and respect for a fine board and fine staff.

Sam
  Forum: Nero's News · Post Preview: #121717 · Replies: 15 · Views: 8,172

4rum
Posted on: May 31 10, 00:36


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Hey Lori and staff;

I'm very much in favor of the changes you suggest and see them as improvements. I especially like the proposed system to ease the pressure on crits, but still maintain the high degree of benefit to those who wish it. Kudo's to you and staff for your continued efforts in keeping MM one of the finest boards on the net.

Sam
  Forum: Nero's News · Post Preview: #121681 · Replies: 15 · Views: 8,172

4rum
Posted on: Apr 29 10, 03:36


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Links to some discussion and definitions of wont. The word, without the apostorphe is correct, my usage may be questionable however.

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=787049

http://www.wordreference.com/definition/wont

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/wont
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #121337 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Apr 27 10, 14:54


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Hi Lori;

This is one reason I dumped this in Karnak ... I'm not sure on the 'wont'. I believe that I have heard and read it used in this context (archaic), but I 'wont' put any money on it.

Form? I DID research and I can't find this particular one. I made it up, then went looking for it. It may be MINE! I do have a reason. Usually sonnets are 14 lines. Most of my poems run a bit long. I found Rhyme Royale, but the seven line stanzas have just never felt natural to me with the rhyme pattern used in them.

The five liners are much easier and by my own standard I can make the poem as long as I want. If the form turns out to be original, the name can certainly be better.

Thanks for reading.

Sam
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #121322 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Apr 25 10, 04:00


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New poetry form ???
Pentesam~Any number of five line stanzas in iambic pentameter, rhyme pattern ababb.
Example: (First one ever).


Improperly Pok't
Woulds't poking come more noble in the dark
Where not a prying eye is wont to see
Or pok't in darkness might he miss the mark
And leave thee with abrasions on thy knee
Time spent, methinks, in practice is the key
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #121295 · Replies: 19 · Views: 12,899

4rum
Posted on: Apr 16 10, 15:28


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chuckle ... yep ... already did that in the 'final draft' copy I saved to my files. Thanks a million.

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121211 · Replies: 25 · Views: 8,007

4rum
Posted on: Apr 16 10, 14:45


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... hmmmm ... all formatted and everything ... I think I have to agree with you. Again thanks so much for time, effort and good judgement expended on my behalf.

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121203 · Replies: 25 · Views: 8,007

4rum
Posted on: Apr 16 10, 14:40


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Ok, I'm back. It is just a little more wordy. It works fine though. I do worry sometimes that when attempting to write in an archaic tone, that sometimes a little more is too much. Here's the suggestion you made, I just 'felt' as though the 'the' was needed as well. What do you think?

Oh and thanks for the consideration :)

Visions inTwilight~Revisited

In anticipation I search the twilight
as the horizon dims
and you come to me in purples

once the sun has slipped its golden sabers
into that sheath which nighttime holds
I await you …

your step is soft
it stirs the lilac and sends me a fragrance
my senses awaken, quiver

your vision tempts
I need the beauty
the sanctity of your bosom

bared

wanton breath vaults the
clefted shadows of your breasts
licking at your neck
turned to catch last light

curved

inviting

reaching out to my lips

moments pass into violet
eyes are blurred
but not the touch

virile on velvet,
mauveine emotion,
sighs fallen from mulberry lips …

colors fade into memories
purple ever the last to go
your parting sculpture remains in my eyes

I reach out
your promise abides
you are there for me

in twilight
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121201 · Replies: 25 · Views: 8,007

4rum
Posted on: Apr 16 10, 14:31


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Hi Eisa thanks.gif I'll run it off on word and try it. Be right back

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121200 · Replies: 25 · Views: 8,007

4rum
Posted on: Apr 14 10, 11:22


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QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Apr 14 10, 07:13 ) *
LOL.gif!

I would add a beat to the last line - you could do so easily with "Georgie".

Fun read!
~C;ep "Read:



George hurried home for a nooner
When he was eclipsed by a lunar
Missing his mark
There in the dark
Poor Georgie instead faced a mooner

Thanks Lori laugh.gif

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #121177 · Replies: 4 · Views: 5,885

4rum
Posted on: Apr 14 10, 11:18


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QUOTE (Peggy Carpenter Harwood @ Apr 13 10, 16:43 ) *
Hi Sam,

I like four of the lines very much but don't know what you mean by "lunar." Is it possible for the moon to eclipse the sun at noon? I thought that the moon was on the opposite side of the world at noon.

Peggy


The intent was to rhyme with nooner, nothing more. It's a limerick. wink.gif

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #121176 · Replies: 4 · Views: 5,885

4rum
Posted on: Apr 13 10, 06:03


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George hurried home for a nooner
When he was eclipsed by a lunar
Missing his mark
There in the dark
Poor George instead faced a mooner
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun... · Post Preview: #121155 · Replies: 4 · Views: 5,885

4rum
Posted on: Apr 12 10, 03:44


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Dear Alan;

I can certainly identify with your exasperation with the 'powers that be'. The obvious sarcasm and disdain should have great universal appeal to 'everyman' ... which I am. down.gif

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121140 · Replies: 21 · Views: 7,271

4rum
Posted on: Apr 11 10, 00:17


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Few can see with the purity of a six year old. The italics cleared up any difficulty I had in reading. This piece plays like a little vingnette allowing us a glimpse into a larger story. It is complete though and is very much like the snapshots that make up each of our lives. Your poem is very simple yet it reveals a complexity that challenges understanding. You handled it well.

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121129 · Replies: 20 · Views: 7,177

4rum
Posted on: Apr 9 10, 06:08


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I love stories, yarns and tales done just this way. This was a real treat for me. The cattle drive terms used are near enough that I recognized most of them easily from my 'Satruday Matinee' days. I'd only ask that you read this verse without 'earth'. See how it fits in with your rhythm. You have ground and that with just 'quake' is strong enough if you'd gain meter without earth.

Then down into dry gullies we fled,
thick dust screwing, as smoke, in our wake;
while the rampaging beasts up ahead
shook the ground like a rumbling quake. (omitt earth)
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121120 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,936

4rum
Posted on: Apr 8 10, 00:51


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I'd love it if you just took off the nurses. Leave it at he's content. I'm a sucker for happy endings and that would be a very comforting way to close the scene to me. If the nurses stay, I agree with everyone else, they need to be a little more disciplined. I like the 'Poor Old Man's' 'Camera Obscura'. I think he and I could share coffee and a nap.

'rum
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121093 · Replies: 11 · Views: 3,706

4rum
Posted on: Apr 5 10, 16:09


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QUOTE (Sekhmet @ Apr 4 10, 01:48 ) *
Oh Sam! What a beautifully seductive verse! It is as sinuous and seductive as the, 'you' who visits you in the purple twilight. It breaths the perfume of sensuality. Your initial inspiration spoke volumes about love - I would hate you to change it.
Leo


Dear Sekhmet;

I DID see your comment and meant to reply and thank you. My short term memory is not good. I failed to acknowledge your kindness until now in re-reading. I do apologize. Quite coincidentally you mentioned "It breathes the perfume of sensuality." I have a sensual poem by that very title 'Breaths Perfume'.

Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a warm comment.

Sam
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121058 · Replies: 25 · Views: 8,007

4rum
Posted on: Apr 5 10, 15:49


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Dear Eisa;

As is the case with Dani, I'm just blown away by the kindness and sincerity I've been shown in this write. I do wish you to also know that I have not been idle through this correspondence. I have read much reference material and many wonderful entries by the very gifted folks here in my studies. I've truly been enriched by this experience and pray that you and all who helped so wonderfully receive a blessing.

Sam

  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121057 · Replies: 25 · Views: 8,007

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