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Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 9 03, 17:37

A Limerick is a popular form of short, humorous verse, often nonsensical and frequently ribald. It consists of five lines, rhyming aabba, and the dominant meter is anapestic (a metrical foot composed of two short syllables followed by one long one, as in the word seventeen. 2. A line of verse using this meter; for example, “’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house”), with two feet in the third and fourth lines and three feet in the others. Examples of limerick:

"The limerick packs laughs anatomical
into space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I’ve seen
so seldom are clean
and the clean ones so seldom are comical."

"There once was a young man from Kew
who found a dead mouse in his stew.  
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout  
or wave it about,  
or the rest will be wanting one too!”

"There was an old man from Peru,
who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke in a fright
in the middle of the night
and found it was perfectly true."

The origin of the term is obscure, but a group of poets in Co. Limerick, Ireland, wrote limericks in Irish in the 18th cent. The first collections in English date from c.1820. Among the most famous are those in E. Lear's Book of Nonsense (1846).

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 9 03, 18:42

Thanks Daniel! :)

Create with ideas you have thought;
that writer's block; you will have fought.  
New rhythm is calling!
Though words you'll be mauling,
you'll paint what your mind's image caught.

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Sep 13 03, 06:08

I know not to write when I'm tired,
it's been far too long, now I'm wired.
I've lost it, the beat?
I'm spraining... my feet!
That great lesson's got me inspired!

*A reply to Daniel on teaching me limerick at another site.

Posted by: Arnfinn Sep 13 03, 02:53

There was a postman called Wally
Who went to work on a trolley.
He'd ring and he'd ding
Then letters he'd fling
To passing bystanders, by golly.

The tram was double nine one
Or post truck nine double none
To passengers and tram run
Nine double nine one,
And for Wally a sackful of fun.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 15 03, 23:27

Remember this one, LorII?

Feet-Shuffling

Do cross-overs make you perturbed?
Your rhythm was somewhat disturbed.
But IF you don’t like it,
I’ll just take a hike; it
is fine for my tongue to be curbed!

© Daniel J Ricketts 19 Nov 2002

. . . or this one?

Limerick Lesson for LorII

uh ONE-2-3; ONE-2-3; KICK it!
uh ONE-2-3; ONE [That’s the TICKet!]
then ONE-2-3; ONE
and ONE-2-3; ONE
then ONE-2-3; ONE [See, you’ll LICK it!]

© Daniel J Ricketts 26 Nov 2002

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Sep 16 03, 04:54

Tee hee!

Don't remember the first one , but I DO so remember the second!
For anyone who doesn't know -

Limerick Lesson for LorII

uh ONE-2-3; ONE-2-3; KICK it!
uh ONE-2-3; ONE [That’s the TICKet!]
then ONE-2-3; ONE
and ONE-2-3; ONE
then ONE-2-3; ONE [See, you’ll LICK it!]

© Daniel J Ricketts 26 Nov 2002

The CAPPED words are the STRESSES.....

A very helpful lesson Daniel!

Cheers!
~Cleo  :dance:  

Posted by: Oct 10 03, 08:05

 

Touche!

But we have only just met. You professed not to speak the sacred tongue of Druids and Bards.
And I never say yes to comparitive strangers, particularly when they listen to the BBC a lot.  I've met quite a few of those people personally.

They are all (darkly)  luvvies

A

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 11 03, 08:55

Sillies!  :jester:

Sticking my two cents in here to say, the banter's gone beyond.....

We certainly do NOT intend to poke fun of anyone here personally...so everyone - do not take this thread personally!

There....I feel better now....

Limerick anyone?

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 16 03, 05:56

An alien ate me fer dinner,
but somehow the act made him thinner.
Seems he couldn’t keep down
the thought of this clown;
though I alienate, I’m the winner!

© Daniel J Ricketts 16 Oct 2003

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 16 03, 06:36

HAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I LOVE this one Daniel!  :jester:  :jester:  :jester:

I'll have to write something!  :dunce:  :pumpkin:  :lovie:

Posted by: Athena Oct 16 03, 18:01

Yes, yes, Daniel!

This is a perfect example of a limerick!  Of course, your stressed words are correct, but also the subject and humorous attitude of the poem match the parameters of what a limerick is about.  We know that some of the more riskee' forms would not be suitable in this public forum, but you've written this one with just enough of something distasteful that it's poifecto!    

Thanks so much, Dear Daniel,

Dolly  

Posted by: Oct 16 03, 18:16

Time to reflect dear Just.

A.

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 17 03, 08:34

I know - kinda LAME ending...

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 17 03, 10:50

“I Don’t Give a Ducat!”

The Limerick Cops here may buck it.
I'll hand them a lemon, "Go suck it!
Already your face
is quite a disgrace.
You tell me I can't? I'll just duck it!"
© Daniel J Ricketts 29 Jan 2003

Posted by: Oct 17 03, 11:06

I hope you folks don't mind a newbie sticking his nose in here, though some of you know me from a different site under a different name.

I just couldn't resist the urge to get Daniel worked up.


A Lamerick


Atlantis, to you, though vredfreak there.
My poetry sucks, not even fair.
The meter’s way off.
Daniel’s gonna scoff,
To tell it truthfully, I don’t care.



Just having a little fun with ya, Daniel.

Atlantis

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 17 03, 12:53

Hehehehahahahahahha!

Hi Dan!  :jester:

So glad you have joined us!

WELCOME TO THE MOSAIC!

Cheers!

We look forward to stirring your MUSE my friend!  :lovie:  :sun:

~Cleo  :pharoah:

Posted by: Oct 17 03, 13:26

My Contribution

Away from my friends, what a bummer! ???
Miss Cleo was missed all the summer.
Can I please, please stay;
Atlantis please play?
I promise to make all us dumber.  


Hey Lori,

Thanks for the invite, though I'm very unfashionably late.  It's great to see you doing so well, with some of our other friends running around as well.

My "MUSE" is unamused at my musings.
"But to tell it truthfully, I don't care."

Best wishes and good luck with your site,

Dan

Posted by: Oct 17 03, 14:36

It's great that you've joined us Dan
You seem like a very nice man
To tell the truth, Daniel
's a bit of a spaniel
But we all do the best that we can.



Sorry Just.  :costume:
Anything for a rhyme.

A

Posted by: Oct 17 03, 16:32

Inhibited goofiness weakens
the wheels (of the mind) at their squeakin'.
I jest for the fun,
but never have won,
cause Daniel's The Jester's main deacon.


Thanks for the warm welcome, A.  I'm glad I could join in.
For some reason, I never seem to win these little games with Daniel.  But it's still fun to play.

Dan

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 17 03, 17:04

Hey Dan!  :pharoah:

Awwwww - thankies!  :blush21:  :sun:

Of COURSE you can stay!
This is a great group of folks here who all want to learn and grow.

Pleae check out the challenges I KNOW you love in "Pandora's Box" forum!  :dance:  :pumpkin:

Thank you for the well wishes! Everyone keeps saying to 'Just be patient Cleo!'

I think we're on a roll and hope you'll find the Mosaic your new board to post and banter!

Stay tuned for a new look!

Hugs!
~Cleo  :pharoah2

Posted by: Oct 17 03, 17:59

Lori,

Of course I noticed the challenge forum.  It wouldn't be your site if there weren't brain-frying challenges all over the place. :)   I'll try to get something in for the "Autumn Leaf", but I just don't know if I'll get there in time.

And don't worry, I'm here to stay.  You're stuck with me.  You shouldn't have come up with such a wonderful place for me to play.

Dan

Posted by: Cybele Oct 18 03, 02:24

Hello Dan,

Having just returned from a break I have picked up the thread with your joining MM.  May I add the warmest of welcomes to all those already expressed?

You are just the fellow to help me with a problem that has been bothering me Dan.

(I know REALLY Dan, just love the anomaly! )

Happy to meet you.

Cheers

Grace

Posted by: Athena Oct 18 03, 03:14

Ahhh Dan, Dan, what can I say?
Your visit has brought you to stay!
I'm so glad
you're here V-Lad;
we've jolly good fun in play.

WORDplay is what we do;
please accept my welcome to you
to join as we learn
old habits to burn;
new thinking for me and for you.

Well, not so great,  but it is late ...

Blessings,
Athena/Merri/Dolly 

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 04:10

My word, you've been welcomed most brimmingly
The light here just burns on undimmingly
It's great here, Dan
So jump in, old man,
I'm sure we will get along swimmingly.


A

Welcome back to Our Gracie.
eeh lass, we missed thee.

Posted by: Cybele Oct 18 03, 04:39

Aw Gee!  

Thank Akh. Missed you too

Love

Grace

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 05:53

It's my pleasure to join in the pack,
though the rhyme in this piece sorta lacks.
One little request-
just spoken in jest-
It's OUR KANSAS, and we want it back.


Grace,

Thank you so much for your welcome.  It's nice to see such a friendly community, and I'm honored to be a part.

Dan

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 06:12

Familiar are faces in Mosaic,
the folks are so quick, not prosaic.
I see Merridoll
has joined in the ball.
Let's play as if words . . . algebraic.


Hey Merri,

So good to see you again.  And I'm afraid I've moved past late into "way too damn early".  It's great to be welcomed to MM so wonderfully.

Dan

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 06:22

Hey A,

I'm afraid I've been up for nearly 28 hours now, and just cannot come up with any witty replies (which irks me to no end).

I do appreciate all of you for your friendly welcome to your playground (I got dibs on the monkey-bars!).  It means a lot, and is very well received.

Thanks to all,

Dan

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 07:42

I remember when Atlantis sank
And it lay in the sea, cold and dank
I'm so glad you're up
I would ask you to sup
But the best of the beer is drank.


A

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 18 03, 08:46

This is quite fun to read!  

Ok here goes another lame Cleo attempt at limerick:    

At MM you'll find quite a crew
we're witty and quite like to chew
on words of our stage
where muses engage
performing in style for you!

There's gods of the lore in our midst
and pharaohs provide ancient twists
on scrolls meant to last
we'll dig up the past
aMUSing your intellect gist!


   :drill:  

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 10:12

When all of these words have been read
And Limericks all put to bed
The man who said liquor
was quicker and slicker
Might well have been proud of this thread.

Can't remember his name, but he was a famous American poet!


A

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 10:13

Yes I can

It was Ogden Nash
:costume:

A

Posted by: Oct 18 03, 11:23

But if liquor was quicker than words,
then this thread would have gone to the birds.
When getting so soused,
my work gets so doused
in a jumble of meaningless slurs.

QUOTE

I remember when Atlantis sank
And it lay in the sea, cold and dank
I'm so glad you're up
I would ask you to sup
But the best of the beer is drank.

Atlantis may fall to the power
of time, in this horrible hour.
Abstain from the tears.
Control all your fears.
Just wait till he's been to the shower.


It's amazing what a couple hours of sleep will do for you (and this pot of pure Kenyan coffee sitting here }.

Dan

Posted by: Oct 19 03, 06:14

Sometimes when you're awfully tired
and your thoughts are all mickled and mired
You may try hard to write
But you give up the fight
For you find that your muse has expired.


A.

Posted by: Oct 20 03, 18:33

My muse is unamused at your lack
of faith in her craftiness- her knack.
For she has no watch,
but sips at her scotch,
and thinks for my mind, till it comes back.



Yeah, I know.  My muse isn't very amused at this poor effort, either.  But she'll scold me later, then we can make up.

Dan

Posted by: Oct 20 03, 18:50

Dera Cleo

Inspired by these words in your recent post :


"another lame Cleo"

A Lim'rick by Cleo_Serapsis ?
No better than making her asp piss:
Another lame Cleo ?
While others claim "Leo" !
Truth is - we present Rev Spooner's Twist !

Love
Alan

Posted by: Oct 20 03, 18:57

A muse that has never been kissed?
A Spooner with that tangy twist?
I'll lurse up my pips
I'll hole with my rips
Wiles no one could ever resist


A

Posted by: Oct 26 03, 09:26

LOVE-LORN LIMERICK

Heard nubile young lassie from Glen Frear
"Rites pagan; Stonehenge! You come here!"
She offered virginity
For young man's fertility,
Alas, there's nowt but upstanding old menhir.

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Oct 26 03, 10:53

This person of feminine gender
Was sweet and surprisingly tender
When asked if she would
She cried out "Oh Good!"
And she just couldn't wait to surrender.  


A

I think I'll have to copyright some of these.

:costume:

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 27 03, 05:59

So ya think that yer quicker with likker
'n' it betters yer tongue?  Well, it's thicker!
I'd bet Ogden would gnash
at some o' our stash
'n' then not stay around here ta bicker.

Hey, I just woke up!  What do you expect?
sLightly congested, Daniel

Posted by: heartsong7 Jul 14 04, 16:54

A muse at a poetry-fest
reluctantly sighed and confessed.
"I thought my fine form
would surpass the norm
if I just addressed you undressed

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 15 04, 04:23

I offer this little corrective.
(Please know that there ain't no invective.)
I is hidin'n' my blush,
'cause jest seein' your tush
is makin' me feel self-protective.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 1 05, 10:56

Sonnimeric

Hmm… a sonnet: I am Bic Pen Tam,
my hat seems to whisper.  I cram
all my meter and rhyme
‘neath my bonnet in time
to a metronome.  Hope it ain’t spam.

© Daniel J Ricketts 2005

Posted by: Aug 4 05, 16:36

Dear All,

This was supposed to be a clerihew, but I could not chip enough off it to make it one, so a limerick it will be.

LIMERICK - INSCRUTABLE

No leader is better than Cleo
whose stony rear resembles that of Leo
in her Sphinx-like musings mosaic
not a tile is prosaic
’cept those of prose, and some others with B.O.

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 5 05, 08:58

There's none like the leprechaun Alan
when he has retracted his talon.
He'll write on the wing
about anything;
his feathers get great miles-per-gallon.

(at least in American English!)

Lightly, Daniel  

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 6 05, 09:39

Now surely our Alan has words
to further exchange on these boards!
Will he leave this alone?
...or still better hone
his word-skills for those cheering hoards?

Posted by: jgdittier Mar 21 07, 12:16

A Free Verse Lim'rick

It's the lim'rick, where poetry's slim,
it's a form far from norm for a whim.
I could write in free verse
then recite as that's worse.
I'll perform, make a storm, Oh how grim!

Posted by: JustDaniel Mar 21 07, 13:32

I'm not sure what you're sayin' in this,
but the fact that you're sayin' it's bliss,
'cause this tile 'as just sat 'ere
while we's gettin' fatter...
free of exercise; we's bin remiss.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 13 09, 09:55

Good grief! There's been no one to say
a thing in the Limerick way...
at least in this thread.
Will it remain dead?
Shall we bury it... or shall we play?

Posted by: Thoth Sep 19 09, 05:06

Or shall we all go out and bury
a poem considered contrary
the form is not dead
but badly inbred
by poets who're hopeless and hairy

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Sep 19 09, 06:37

The lim'rick is one funny feeder
oft full of retorts: it's a breeder...
Fear not - it's not dead --
It's all in your head!
We just need a prodding, dear reader!

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 21 09, 15:56

I know well that Limerick's not dead...
I was merely concerned for this thread!
So if you all are playing
we'll keep on displaying
the strange stuff that's stored in our head.

Posted by: Thoth Sep 22 09, 02:02

Now Dan implies WE use a head!!!
(it's posted above in this thread),
He surely must know it
the muse of a poet
resides in the past not ahead.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 22 09, 09:05

Ahead, abehind -- who can tell!?
So long as the beat's goin' well
we'll dance right along
while singin' a song
an' pickin' up folks that's done fell!

Posted by: Merlin Jan 9 10, 12:04

Nice to have ya aboard, Larry.
I see Daniel is busy farming on Facebook.


Sometimes when a fella can’t think,
It’s because of that gold barley drink.
What a fine, smooth elixir
But a sneaky old fixir
That lets you get right outa sync.

While checking the menu in Braille,
I missed out on a minor detail
But a second perusal
Was met with refusal.
Tho I choked, it was all “no avail.”

Posted by: Thoth Jan 9 10, 13:38

We onna pubcrawl Larry! My round -

That last one was a bommer Merlin!


Old Merlin 'tho stooping and frail
hobbled back to the old bar at Yale
when checking the prices
found foreign devices
inflating the costs of his ale.

Wally

Posted by: Merlin Jan 9 10, 15:49

Barmaid, another round pls.


You’ve only got sixpence and some;
Your expression has turned rather glum.
The tab is much higher
And the wench you admire
Has run off with some other bum.

Too much of the ale can spell trouble
As knees tend to flip-flop and wouble.
Ten pints ought to do –
Recycle a few,
Then get yourself home on the double!

Posted by: Thoth Jan 9 10, 16:15

So sad my friend, so sad!

Singing -
"Why was she born so beautiful
why was she born at all . . . "

oi! slide em babies

When I was a doctor at Yale
young Larry while studying Braille;
requested an ointment
to soothe disappointment
inflicted while groping for ale.

It was cleverly done I must say
for a splash of fine red cabernet,
one certain protrusion
if pressed in profusion
made bottles depart from the tray.

Posted by: Merlin Jan 10 10, 17:22

Ah yes,

A topnotch invention Braille izz
From the French – or was it the Swizz?
A raised alphabet
Works from here to Tibet
And an ale is a nale is a fizz!

I focused my left eye to bits
On the menu wrote down on her chest
And then ordered another
For the road and its brother
Before singing No-ale type of hits.


Singing >> No-ale, no-ale, No-ale, no-ale…
(for Steve)

Posted by: Larry Jan 11 10, 00:35

Wally and Merlin,

Here is another round for you both. Wally, I never studied Braille(referencing your last entry). It was merely a ruse to use when feeling a bit thirsty.

Since I’m too bloody smashed to see more
And Braille fingers aren’t up to the chore
I’ll just grab the menu
To expose it; then you
Can lick up what she spills on the floor.

The poor maid who served drinks in the bar
Had the measles in places bizarre
She applied calamine
Both in front and behin’
But the vision impaired read too far.


Merlin, it's French - Louis Braille - 1829; but then, you already knew that.

Larry

Posted by: Larry Jan 18 11, 14:39

The acerbic salubrious lime
May deserve a salute in its clime
But its use in the cheek
Paired with tongue is unique
And enhances surperflous rhyme

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 19 11, 06:24

Salubrious fruit don't sound good --
seems like slobb'rin' all over yer food!
I don' like Mucus Welby
an he may as well be
a horse doc, if I'm understood!

Posted by: Larry Jan 19 11, 10:04

Some detest or shun wholesome repast
Though the menu's exceedingly vast
They'll eat burgers and fries
'Till they triple in size
I'm amazed when they call that food, "Fast".

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 19 11, 10:52

Yer fast food should only be water
an' juice maybe, 'cause the folks oughta
eat nothin' at all,
but so's they don' fall,
have liquid -- that's my imprimatur.

Posted by: Larry Jan 19 11, 17:50

Juice and water are nice, I concur;
But the rule book is vague, as it were
For if poured over Jack
I'd be taken a'back
O' the woodshed and given "What fer".

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 20 11, 07:34

In back o' the shed's where a bum
learned what fer if 'e really was dumb
but a guy an' a gal
ain't like bein' a pal --
gotta study anatomy some.

Posted by: Larry Jan 20 11, 15:47

I remember that Ann and I spent,
On a brief educational stint,
Time behind the tool shed
With some hay for a bed.
That's the place where Ann at a me went!

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 21 11, 01:02

Ann atomically speaking blew up
the size of her breast hugging cup
and filled it with tissue
to tease you to issue
your shed-invitation to shtup.

Posted by: Larry Jan 21 11, 14:36

Yes, the issue of tissue arose
But there wasn’t enough for a nose
Her Olympus Mons squared
Was no way size impaired
Tissue cushioned the place her cups squooze


and


I’d heard rumors of embellished girth
The mere mention of which causes mirth
There was plenty to spare
Of mammalian pair
Plethora in excess but no dearth

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 21 11, 15:35

Talk of Martian volcanoes and such
is disturbing if she has a clutch
since men are from Mars...
so your image just jars
me -- you with a blossoming butch!

Posted by: Larry Jan 22 11, 00:43

Metaphoric inflations construe
That the Martian volcano won’t do
For analogous spheres
Of a shape which endears
Gray’s hypothesis I don’t eschew

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Jan 22 11, 16:42

!!

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 23 11, 01:50

I once met a phoric inflation
that brought me abreast of oblation
I needed to make
if ever I'd take
advantage of such adaptation.

Posted by: Larry Jan 23 11, 11:03

Many Eucharists I have seen blessed
But what’s given in Flation’s the best
One was brought by a Phoric?
Could that be in New Yoric?
Two would be much more fun, I‘ll attest

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 27 11, 16:21

A romantic encounter's brief quiet
comes just after the one has to cry it
aloud several times
while her partner's id climbs
the walls to get out -- then they sigh it.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 28 11, 12:17

A batter with no air to breathe
makes pancakes on which you could teethe
your baby -- or toss
like Frisbees across
the kitchen... but Mama would seethe.

Posted by: Larry Jan 28 11, 18:46

Hi Daniel,

In answer to your prior post, I have two. I'll work on the other one later.

Though his Id isn’t hidden at all
When it’s striving to climb up that wall
Echoes of her delight
Make him think that he might
Be the cause and the reason for thrall


and


Susurrating sighs show satisfaction,
Inspire Id’s intimate interaction
Gasping girls graciously
Have harmoniously
Satiated… start sizing subtraction

Posted by: Larry Jan 31 11, 11:53

I had heard of that young man who tried
To eat pancakes made by his new bride
But his utensils bent
To their greatest extent
Front and back, all his efforts denied

and continuing on...

So he got his wood chisel and maul
But could make no impression at all
His new wife understood
When he asked if she would
Make some more for his new garden wall

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 1 11, 16:06

Since the walls at the newlyweds' bed
(both the bedroom's and garden's, you said)
have discovered new use
likely soon Dr Seuss
won't long sit around lonely, unread.

Posted by: Larry Feb 1 11, 19:44

Dr. Seuss on the loose just won’t do!
Could it be about pancakes in lieu
Of good mortar and stones?
Tell him my wife condones
The use of her homemade biscuits too.

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 2 11, 09:05

Since I'm batchin* for three weeks, I tried
out the biscuits, Kentuck' Country Fired
... and I shoulda got more
'cause theirs'll outscore
opponents; it can't be denied!


*Yesterday took my wife to the plane
for her Mexico trip -- it's insane!
She's now stuck in Dallas
in airport's ice palace,
and boy, is she feeling the pain.

At eleven today she should leave
for Guadalajara, relieved --
though she'll still go by car
over mountains quite far,
but new grandson will be a reprieve.


Dominick Angel Montoya was born to our middle daughter DoriAn and husband Jose on Jan. 18 -- their first after two miscarriages.

Posted by: Larry Feb 2 11, 17:30

First of all Daniel, congratulations on your new grandson. Bet you feel great about that. Not so great on the "Batchin" part though, huh?


I once lived in Big D long ago
And remember the times it would snow
Frozen roads here and there
Gave good drivers a scare
When the bad ones just slid to and fro.




Bachelorhood is a game I won’t play.
For three weeks? No not even a day!
I’d have had to depart
With my little sweetheart
Down to Mexico with her, Ole!

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 10 11, 13:15

It snowed here this morning -- a dusting
so weather seems finally adjusting
to normalcy, but
I'm not gonna strut;
I'm not to predictions entrusting!


re goin' down Mexico way
I would have, but I had to stay.
My time was all used;
recovery refused
to shorten itself many days.

Posted by: Larry Feb 11 11, 13:52

A mere dusting is what I have seen
From the Arctic’s snow making machine.
But I’ve heard, word of mouth
That down in the deep South
Fall to Spring, ain’t no white in between.


---------------------------


That’s enough about snow for I see
Small white blossoms on my Mayhaw tree
Spring has sprung, Winter’s dead.
In my front flower bed
Daffodils share their beauty with me.

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 14 11, 11:07

During night-before-last, our main froze
somewhere up the street. I suppose
that I should be glad
I was warm inside, clad
for bed and found restful repose.

Posted by: Larry Feb 14 11, 15:40

We don't have water mains where I stay
For we do it the old fashioned way
From our well which we drilled
Comes pure water. I'm thrilled
With zero water bills every day.


"Kentwood Springs" will make millions each year
Selling water to folks far and near
But their aquifer's source
Flows beneath us, of course
So I bathe in their profits right here.

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 15 11, 15:22

I pay little mind to the profit
of others, and often I scoff it
'cause soon comes the day
'twill all burn away
according to many a prophet.

Posted by: Larry Feb 16 11, 11:08

Though the mouths of the prophets exude
Direst warnings that time will conclude
Wall Street and the big banks
Will go on ‘till it tanks
For un-prophet-ability’s rude

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 18 11, 06:43

So pinch bucks and pennies for stock
and fill up the wind-cracks with calk
to save all you can
but since time began
it winds up when it's 12 o'clock.

Posted by: Larry Feb 19 11, 09:06

There once was an old miser who’d grieve
O’er the halfpenny tips he would leave
On a table for thanks,
Kept the rest in his banks.
“No ex-pence” was his recitative.

Posted by: Alan Feb 19 11, 17:18

NON-RUSSIAN COLLECTIVE

The collective for grabbers of money
whether rain falls, it's snowing, or sunny
- one and all, cankers -
is "Wunch of Bankers"
except, they are not in the least funny

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Larry Feb 20 11, 16:30

Well, Hello Alan,

Welcome aboard the Limerick Limited. Loved your 4th line Spoonerism.

I must say Bankers are without class
While the politicians are quite crass
They're all in for the dough
But I'd like them to know
I don't have none, so just kiss my ...!

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 11, 13:51

I'm trying to follow your rhyme
and meter... but ran out of time.
Perhaps it's a farce...
or am I an arse
for tripping... or are you a mime?

Posted by: Larry Feb 22 11, 15:06

Most of mine are in anapest form
One two three, One two three is my norm
But in lines three and four
Dactylics I adore
Didn't mean to stir up such a storm

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 11, 16:03

The storm was a farce, my good friend;
was pretending "me no comprehend..."
I filled in the blank...
but your chain I'd still yank.
There's nothing you need to defend!

Posted by: Alan Feb 22 11, 16:16

PSALTERTED COD ?

Larry, pay no mind to our Daniel
who'll joke, ever eager, like spaniel
can't help it - he's a Yank
p'rhaps thoroughly to spank ?
so take him with salt, a mere granule !

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 11, 18:50

Is our Larry a cannibal, Al?
Would you spank me and salt me, old pal?
Would you boil me or bake me
then to Larry take me
for a meal internacional?

Posted by: Larry Feb 23 11, 01:13

Can o’ Bull? I’d much rather have Coors
With that granule of salt; I’ll use yours.
Though obtuse with his joke
On baked Daniel, I’d choke
I’ll just toast limericking connoisseurs.

Posted by: Alan Feb 23 11, 01:55

Can 'e ball ? Can't 'e ball ? Well who cares ?
There's a time, and a tide, in affairs
which are, quite sure, a joke
life's thin pig in fat poke
so man seeks redemption in prayers !

Love
Alan

Posted by: Larry Feb 24 11, 15:03

Priers pry, prayers pray, preyers prey
As the time and the tide roll away
But to poke a thin pig
With a finger or twig
Ain’t no joke. That’s all I have to say.

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 25 11, 16:34

A pig in a 'poke'... it's a 'bag'
with a cat or a dog; that's the snag.
This undisclosed meat
is less than discreet,
and it could even be from a nag.

Posted by: Alan Feb 26 11, 01:51

INGREDIMENTS

As for "undisclosed meat" I reply,
in olden days no one was so shy
now with "IngrediMents"
we don't experience
no surprises, no shocks, on the fly ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Feb 26 11, 09:59

First, for you, Daniel

Nosh a nag? Nauseatingly no!
Dogs or cats in a bag? Let them go.
For a Cochon de Lait
With a spiced consommé
Is the onliest way… Yes, I know!


And then for Alan

Meat with origins too indistinct,
Undisclosed or thought to be extinct
Would surprise and shock flies,
Maybe cause one’s demise.
You’d be locked in the nearest precinct.

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 28 11, 14:00

Yes, with flies in your locks you could be
more than just a bit flustered. I'd flee...
but with locks on my fly
I suspect I would die...
or soak down my pants to the knee.

Posted by: Larry Mar 1 11, 10:04

Being in a quandry with which direction I should take on this line of thought, I decided to take both!



Locks on flies? Are they curly or straight?
Could a barber ever expiate?
Would a crew cut or burr
Or a shampoo deter
Mature maggots from primping their pate?

---

Flies on Lox? Only once in LA
At an avant-garde weight loss café
Salmon came a la carte,
As did flies. The best part
Was the pounds that went flying away.

Posted by: JustDaniel Mar 2 11, 10:55

I was pondering on your shampoo...
Does it happen when you're in the loo
expecting to go
but nothing will show
but the smell as your gas bids adieu?

Posted by: Larry Mar 3 11, 17:06

I don’t have an old magazine rack
Nor a half-mooned two-holer out back.
It’s the fiber, I guess
Which insures my success.
On the Loo, flatulence is a lack

Posted by: JustDaniel Mar 4 11, 08:58

Friend, I don't do my business outside --
well, sometimes... when dark... at tree-side.
We've a magazine rack,
but we've also a stack
of tissue-rolls... gently applied.

Posted by: Alan Mar 5 11, 01:23

RESULT !

There is nothing that's sham about poo
it's the real stuff, whenever you goo
overdose on fibre
for muse-absent scriber
and he'll write Blake, Milton, and all of the Bard, too !

Alan

Posted by: Larry Mar 5 11, 23:34

You infer that if I should ingest
excess fiber I’ll soon be muse-blessed
with a sphincter which pens
Inferno’s, Gunga Dins…
without cognitive thought or behest.

Posted by: Alan Mar 6 11, 03:47

Dear Larry,

Here I am laughing my head off - your quote by JFK (what ? JFK ? No !) "When power corrupts, poetry cleanses"

is a much shorter statement of what we two have just been writing about !

Love
Alan

PS Actual limerick may follow, have not yet had time to think about it.

Posted by: Alan Mar 6 11, 10:59

Yes, tis best to run off at the mouth
in public, else t'would be un-couth
to state opinion
nor to peel an onion
either, or neither, or bouth

Alan

Posted by: Larry Mar 7 11, 11:18

Yes Alan, according to Merriam Webster's "Book of Quotations", that quote I have at the bottom of all my posts is attributed to JFK.

And now, for something completely different:


Mr. Nash would be shocked with your rhyme
For in even the remotest clime
That colloquial sound
Is not oval or round
Unless slurred by Vermouth with a lime.


And now, for something of a more topical nature:

You must be wary of March’s Ides’
Said the Soothsayer of Caesar’s guides
For the Senate, though split
Would see you on a spit
In the Forum and Back-um and sides

Posted by: Alan Mar 14 11, 01:54

Great Sir Walter Raleigh was once told
by his Queen, "Walt, Hon, go and be bold"
so he trades his wamp-um
for Indian back-um
Queen said "You've brought me nowt but fool's gold !"

Love
Alan

Posted by: Larry Mar 15 11, 12:45

Yes, the Queen thought Sir Walter, Her man,
(though unworthy of Throckmorton clan)
to find city of gold,
but, alas, ne’er behold;
thus he’d often reside in the can.

Posted by: Alan Mar 22 11, 09:15

Sir Walt opined "Those who can, can"
and this was no flash in the pan
he skewered the French,
captured a frog wench
thus was invented the can-can !

Alan

Posted by: Larry Mar 24 11, 00:24

Perhaps Walter was Lizzie's main squeeze
but King James, that knight never could please.
When his men of renown
sacked a small Spanish town
his head rolled and was cured to appease.

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 6 11, 08:28

I know little of Throne retinue
nor of what would be gauche or taboo
nor of history details
nor of what it entails
to be proper in such a milieu.

Posted by: Larry Apr 6 11, 23:22

Though their retinue fawn, rulers know
that by right they can take or bestow
many gifts, even knight
or take heads out of spite
if someone messes with status quo.

Posted by: Alan Apr 16 11, 00:16

SHREDDING BREAKFAST

Said cool virgin, respect status quo
or you will never be my life's beaux
instead of our wedding
you'll have private shredding
when you're seen to by my many bros.

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 16 11, 11:56

I was mowing the grass 'neath my feet
when I heard a sound I can't repeat...
but when I dump the bag
your finger may wag...
there with the chopped grass, shredded tweet!

Posted by: Alan Apr 17 11, 00:22

WHAT A FEAT

If you're mowing the grass, that's OK
but, had not you best step away,
not butcher "plates of meat"
that would be quite a feat;
you might need them on some other day ?

Alan

NB Cockney rhyming slang : plates of meat = feet

Posted by: Larry Apr 17 11, 16:24

F…

Feet and feathers fell fast from the fray.
Flesh was flying. Foul final filet.
Fraught! Fowl's fortune finessed;
filaments flayed. I guessed
You found flora and fauna frappe.

Posted by: Alan Apr 18 11, 00:07

EFFLUVIUM

That sad F-word's not all that it's cracked
often used when one's feelings are wracked
words colourful - as mud
dropping each with dull thud
best retained within digestive tract !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Larry Apr 18 11, 13:56

Misconceived

Oh! “An ‘F’ with three dots”, he opined;
then an expletive word came to mind
Well, the ‘F’ signifies
use extent. So, surprise!
There was no fornication to find.

Posted by: Alan Apr 20 11, 00:52

NO LONGER IN THE HOLE

There was once a time when Miss-conceived
meant disgrace that could not be believed
now advent of the dole
means no more begging bowl;
lack of morals completely relieved !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Larry Apr 21 11, 10:33

There are no more red letters on brows
While extinction awaits wedding vows
Because moral decay
Is the theme of the day.
Ire is not all that seems to arouse.

Posted by: Alan Apr 22 11, 16:04

STOP DIGGING

The trouble with this moral decay
is filling holes don't make it go 'way
the opposite is true
except for me'n'you.
Hmmm, decay may have something to say ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Apr 24 11, 00:40

Should Decay start to speak, I would run
For the end of the world has begun
When zombies moralize
Would it not be unwise
To avoid the conversation.

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 26 11, 19:32

This little ditty is the result of a friend's speaking of the virtues of a Swiss Army knife... "a tool that can unscrew anything"??

What's this tool now that undoes a screw?
Can virginity be an undo?
Now my mind is awhirl
at some tampered-with girl
who's untampered when tool's work is through!

Posted by: Larry Apr 27 11, 13:45

The emphasis is "Army". Have you ever seen one unscrew anything?

Oh, the Swiss are quite sly; this is true,
But the knife they employ just won’t do.
For the Army, ‘twas made
And they’re men. I’m afraid
Their equipment‘s not there to unscrew.

And the knife...

This, perhaps, is a knife to avoid;
For unless the girl is an android,
Engineers must construe…
Phillips? Slot? A Hex screw?
What’s the proper blade to be deployed?

Posted by: Alan Apr 27 11, 23:44

A SWISS TRADGEDY

There once was a handsome young blade
to join Swiss Army he was swayed
he was issued a knife
caused early 'change of life'
Phillips, slot, hex screw ? Such multi-blade ways, thus far too many a wife !

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 17 11, 13:54

Though the Swiss Army Knife of great fame
Is quite nice. It just has the wrong name.
The first ones which were made
Were German, I'm afraid
Which caused Elsenor* dismay and shame.



* Karl Elsenor obtained the rights to manufacture the Modell 1890 knife which was issued to the Swiss Army along with their canned food and the Schmidt-Rubin model 1889 service rifle.

(The first 15,000 of these knives issued to the Swiss Army came from a Solingen manufacturing facility in Germany)

Posted by: JustDaniel May 19 11, 18:17

A history lesson's been shared
whose thoroughness can't be compared
with drivel I'd write
that's often so trite...
I'm history -- self-knifed, despaired

Posted by: Alan May 19 11, 23:52

THIN-SKINNED ?

If our Daniel's become so despaired,
I dread my fate - can not compared;
within crusty old shell
I scribe not all that well
as a poet I'm just not pre-pared ....

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 20 11, 12:00

Camping Tonight?

I HOPE you're prepared, my dear friend.
"Tomorrow begins the world's end!"
If http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF24k0dfAXE were right
I'd be in the flight
to Heaven... and Hell could descend!

Of course I would welcome that news,
but I won't be singing the blues,
'cause nobody knows
the end of our woes.
At best we are given some clues.

I'm wond'rin' what Camping will do
when he'll have been left. What a stew
the man has whipped up!
I'd like a close-up
of fly's-view when his walls unglue.

Posted by: Larry May 22 11, 10:16

Am I here? Is this some newer place?
Was I raptured? Did I fall from grace?
"Time is up", Camping cried
But I couldn't decide;
Was his knowledge or math off a trace?

Perhaps scribes, trying to translate
Made mistakes. Would that fact expiate
His erroneous speech
When he started to preach
About saints walking through Heaven's gate?

I just think he's a lonely old man
Trying to figure out The Great Plan.
If not media hype
Internet, tweets and Skype
None would hear him cry "Wolf" once again.

Posted by: Larry May 25 11, 15:59

Now we're told "It's a miracle!" Sure!
How much more of this can one endure?
Now October's the date
When we all meet our fate
"Camping" masked on our Trick-or-Treat tour.

Posted by: ohsteve May 26 11, 11:54

Why is it when limericks are mentioned only the dirty ones snap quickly to mind? Here's on I'm sure you have all heard with blanks at the dirty word.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose blank was so long he could blank it.
He said with a grunt
if my nose was a blank.
I could blank it

Posted by: Larry May 27 11, 11:41

Yes! They’re bawdy, off-colored, ribald;
Makes them easier to be recalled.
Hash mark, Ampersand, Blank,
Gives you hints but aren’t frank.
And will help if the prudes are appalled.

Posted by: Alan Jun 4 11, 01:32

APPALLED

How I wish that I was right rye-balled
drunk, pissed, whatever it is now called
the freedom, oh the joy
makes for one happy boy
but I'm dragged out for shopped, I'm 'malled' ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Jun 6 11, 10:41

Mall Moods

I’d much rather be mauled than be “malled”
So I get what I want or recalled
Of the list from my mate.
I need not expiate
For my errands, done wrong, have now stalled.

When one must, to keep peace, go and shop
For a wife or girlfriend who won’t stop
Bring a flask, filled complete
With a single malt; neat.
Mood adjustment until the last drop!

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 13 11, 09:23

I should rather just lounge in a pool --
not of blood, slimy mucus or drool --
but of crystal-clear water
when the weather is hotter
and grandkids vacation from school.

Posted by: Alan Jun 14 11, 15:17

COME AND GET IT !

When grandchildren vacation from school
is the time to find drool in the pool
which, when missing the L
leads to all sorts of hell
over which scads of bugs will just drool

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 14 11, 23:22

My dear Alan...

Evidently your grandkids have been
raised more freely that those who're my kin,
so I hope that your nets
are prepared; poo begets
quite a mess and a lot of chagrin.

Posted by: Larry Jun 15 11, 16:18

I would not care to address the "L" or lack thereof so shall meander off in another direction.

When you lounge in the pool on hot days
With blue water reflecting the rays
You need slimy white gunk
Covering face and trunk
And legs too so you won’t be ablaze


and one which developed from an old joke:


Once a lass of Teutonic descent
Had one leg shorter to the extent
That when she had to scale
A small hill, she did well
To walk counter-clockwise for ascent

Posted by: Alan Jun 16 11, 09:30

Dear Larry,

I'm afraid I cannot let you get away with mis-assigning the nationality of the most famous odd-length-legged creature in all of God's creation :

The haggis is a verra peculiar creature
with one notable, irregular feature
It's right legs are shorter
it can only be caught - err,
counter-clockwise, by a sporran-wearing preacher

Alan

Posted by: Larry Jun 16 11, 10:02

Alan, I've never heard of such a creature. Besides, the Lass in question had a shorter left leg.

What a creature! Is there such a beast
who must start walking West to go East.
If its mind it should change
Could its route rearrange
So that chance of arrival increased?


I think the preacher may have been in his cups while chasing this creature.


It seems strange to me that Haggis had
Any legs, lest the Scotsman went mad
When he chopped entrails in
To a round sausage skin,
Cooked within a stomach that went Baaaaaa-ad

Posted by: Alan Jun 16 11, 16:18

Dear Larry,

Aaarrrrrgggg ! Touche'd twice !

Will attempt to respond, or may leave it to Daniel !

Love
Alan

Posted by: ohsteve Jun 16 11, 18:32

Going back just a few!

You'll notice there's no 'p' in my 'ool,
I keep it quite clean and cool,
so don't you begin
he said with a grin.
Keep your pee in your tool.

Posted by: Larry Jun 16 11, 23:30

Just a few? There is "No Going Back"!
Unless you would consider a track
From a song of light rock
By Coppin with Acock.
Not much talent but they had the knack.

and furthermore...

Though I thought I had steered us away
From the excrement and "P" display
Steve went back, "just a few"
Brought up pee but not poo
"P", "C", "T", "L" with diphthong. "O" kay?

Posted by: Alan Jun 19 11, 06:40

BATS AND KNACKS

For mild rock I don't have the knack
those Carpenters can sing only "Quack";
gimme heady "Meatloaf" sound
in which bats and hell abound
and not easy-listening light snack

Alan

Posted by: Larry Jun 19 11, 12:56

I can see by the dim dashboard lights
The term “mild rock” has two aural plights;
There’s no rock! It‘s fiction…
And a contradiction.
Like “Musak” on a lift, that sound bites.

Posted by: Alan Jun 19 11, 13:05

KASUM v. MUSAK

A theory that has really been proved
is for people who've never been "grooved"
Musak is balm for the ears
of those tone-deaf, who've no fears
of responding, or even being moved ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Jun 21 11, 14:11

Lullabies lull a baby to sleep
Symphonies simply please but won’t keep
But a riff or a word
From a rock song you heard
In the 80’s can still make you weep.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 6 11, 08:24

There's no music more kind to the feet
than Lim'rickin' once you've the beat...
but alas some of us
have tripped off the bus
or white-folk dance.... Best take a seat!

Posted by: Larry Jul 6 11, 13:46

Do they dance or march to different drums?
Is their beat incomplete; merely crumbs
scattered out to and fro?
Perhaps they just don’t know
ditty dum ditty dum ditty dums.

Posted by: Alan Jul 6 11, 16:45

Different drums, but same saxes, trombones
as maestro musicality hones
inspiration's lacking
since boyfriend sent packing
now he tunes in to his own cojones

Alan

Posted by: Larry Jul 6 11, 22:55

There are instruments, normal and odd
which a maestro controls with a nod
but when saxes would play
with trombones, he'd belay
any repercussions with his rod.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 8 11, 09:20

Repercussions will come if his rod
steers his brain so he cannot hear God
whisper gently, Just one...
and with her you'll have fun
and raise children to help bust the sod.

Posted by: Larry Jul 10 11, 17:06

An old farmer expired in his prime;
not from work, which he thought was sublime.
By ten sons he was blessed
but his wife’s last request,
“that they try for a girl one more time?”

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 11 11, 09:04

It's so sad that he couldn't produce
what his wife wanted for her caboose
but he went out in style
and his seed was fertile
so she saved it for some later use.

Posted by: Larry Jul 11 11, 13:39

Progeny, cryogenically sought
will suffice if they’re properly wrought.
Combined wrong; X and Y’s
make androgynous guys
with mutations inherently fraught.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 12 11, 13:57

X and Y make me ZZZZ; what's the use!
At my age, it is hard to produce
scientific thought-waves.
Oft the dinner-bell saves
me from using up all mental juice.

Posted by: Larry Jul 13 11, 00:08

Mental juice? Is that food for the mind
or just liquids from fruit you might find
locked in small padded cells?
A solution which quells
muddled thoughts and helps one to unwind.

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 1 11, 08:16

If you're wound up too tight you could break
your coiled muscles; your heart springs might rake
on your rib cage and tear
through your lungs. It would scare
anyone who might come to your wake.

Posted by: Larry Aug 1 11, 23:29

Ah, the wake! I became legless there
in the midst of dear friends, no despair
For when toasting dead chums
it is best to have drums
of good ale he’d made for the affair.

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 2 11, 08:02

It is foolish to have an affair
though you seem to be so debonair...
but your vision is short;
you cannot long cavort
without more than your butt lying bare.

Posted by: Larry Aug 2 11, 13:25

Lying Bear was his Indian name,
not “Smokey the Bear” of TV fame.
Cigarettes he would light
from their campfires at night,
throwing butts everywhere. Oh, the shame!

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 3 11, 08:24

Old Lion Bear-Faced wagged his tails
but no one would follow his trails
for who would believe
the stories he'd weave?
Perhaps he'll try used-auto sales.

Posted by: Larry Aug 4 11, 09:04

When the hurricane neared my abode
my resolve to depart overflowed
but alas, I’m too late,
house is gone, left to fate
and my used auto sails down the road.

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 4 11, 11:40

He huffed and he puffed and he blew
the candles but couldn't subdue
the flames, so they'd melt.
The frosting then felt
like barnacles on his canoe.

Posted by: Alan Aug 4 11, 12:38

Timbuctoo Fashion

Like barnacles on his canoe ?
Yes, the very latest to do;
it is the fashion,
fulfilled with passion,
from here, right to Timbuctoo !

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 5 11, 08:57

Little Timmy the colt couldn't woo
any filly 'cause him they'd construed
un-athletic and soft,
so quite often they scoffed
'til the rodeo; there Tim bucked too!

Posted by: Larry Aug 5 11, 14:19

Tim's buck tooth was protuberantly
a dentitional anomoly.
Beavers blushed at the sight,
covetous. It just might
be an asset when downing a tree.

Posted by: Alan Aug 5 11, 14:56

DOWNING OR DROWNING - SAME THING

Downing's a Street, that's for sure
lived in by the ever so pure
Who tell us what to do
and make such a howdy do
Cuz of problems they're part, not the cure ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Aug 9 11, 10:53

Is the taste of this cure bittersweet
in the mouths of those burning the street.
Wanting change, their descent
to maniacal bent,
makes their homeless condition complete.

Posted by: Alan Aug 17 11, 21:34

TAXED BEYOND ENDURANCE

I'm homeless, as a soul who would give
in world where only takers can live
my cupboard is bare
the tax-man's been there
now there are even holes in my sieve !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Larry Aug 19 11, 14:43

When the tax-man had taken his pelf;
cleared the pantry of all but the shelf.
He still wanted my sieve
and replied, give and give
‘till it hurts, so you won’t strain yourself.

Posted by: Alan Aug 21 11, 01:08

METHALISED

So you think tax-man's grab stops at death ?
Escape can be made solely via meth
which rots down your brain
you care nowt 'bout tax drain
and hastens your last, so smelly, breath !

Alan

Posted by: Larry Aug 22 11, 08:50

Of your last breath the tax men don’t care.
It’s what’s not in your coffin they’ll share.
Rates will climb to the sky
after you’ve said, “Bye-Bye”;
leaving naught but a very thin heir.

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 23 11, 07:33

But your very thin hair then may grow.
We'll dig up your body and show
after merely two years
it will cover your ears;
you'll no longer need a chapeau.

Posted by: Alan Aug 24 11, 02:32

LET US EAT CAKE

You'll no longer need any chapeau
said Marie Antoinette to her beau
all that needs to be said
now is "Off with her head"
then eat cake, just a tiny morceau !

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 24 11, 07:24

"I bet you can't eat your chapeau"
said the patron to Marcel Marceau
With his hands to his head
he mime-ate it instead
and that was the end of the show.

Posted by: Larry Aug 25 11, 00:12

Marcel mime-munched male millinery;
tried a tie for dessert just to see
if his style had good taste
or was Epicure’s waste;
worn and eaten un-seasonably.

Posted by: Alan Aug 25 11, 04:10

Dear Daniel,

This is a classic - well worth putting up outside our chatter-rhymes here ! Matches the best limericks from anywhere !

Love
Alan

Posted by: Alan Aug 25 11, 04:54

WE'LL MEAT AGAIN

Cooked, though first beaten, worn, and eaten
not a veggie, nor even wheaten
but, for which I'd purloin
a delicious surloin
than which for taste all are beaten !

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 26 11, 12:36

Slipped out of a fine marinade
and onto the grill with the aid
of fine stainless steel tongs
the meat met chef's songs
which sounded as though he had brayed.

Posted by: Larry Aug 29 11, 09:50

When you're grilling a fine piece of meat
a chef's task will remain incomplete
'till it's done; well or rare
but you need to take care
it won't moo, cluck, bray or even bleat.

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 29 11, 10:13

If you're grilling up meat that's that raw
you had better be sure that your squaw
is well-armed and spry
or you're likely to die
or be stunned by hoof, teeth, beak or claw!

Posted by: Larry Aug 30 11, 15:02

There's a Cajun down south, Beak R. Claus,
who would grill a whole 'gator then pause
to divide up the beast
for his families' feast
but don't reach for that tail; it is Maw's.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 1 11, 13:09

If your gator is cooked in a croc
please be sure that you're wearing a jock
'cause its tail could swing out
and there's little doubt
that your groin would be feeling the shock.

Posted by: Larry Sep 1 11, 15:48

Croc a gator? Do they come that large?
Why, it must be as big as a barge!
Add some crawfish and shrimp,
oysters too; please don’t skimp
when you’re making a big seafood porridge.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 8 11, 22:50

If you forage for seafood, be sure
that you only select what's mature;
always throw back the young
so that they can become
engaged to new children procure.

Posted by: Larry Sep 9 11, 14:42

If you catch some big fish, might as well
ascertain that the fish are all male.
Make sure gender's correct.
You must closely inspect,
'cause some Ichthyologists can't tell.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 9 11, 16:39

Ichthyologists never can tell
a short story; their fish tales are... well...
given fishing-line strength
with a net increase length
so applause from the hearers will swell.

Posted by: Alan Sep 11 11, 12:55

ANOTHER 'OLOGY'

Ichthyology spins a fine line
about patience, pursuit, endless time;
thus such gullible fools
so busy, sit on stools.
Say, it's the ideal victimless crime !

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 14 11, 06:58

So now lying's a victim-less crime?
Has Alan been hanging with slime?
Will he next tell us that
we can maim with a bat
anyone who won't give us a dime?

Posted by: Larry Sep 16 11, 00:38

If someone were to give me ten cents
when I asked for spare change, I’d convince
him that he was in need
of it more, and proceed
to call him philanthropically dense

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 16 11, 08:03

Requesting the change in your pants
doesn't warrant that kind of a rant;
if he is so poor,
go knock on the door
and ask for what he really wants!

Posted by: Larry Sep 17 11, 21:30

It’s no rant when the truth must be told
to penurious people too cold
to realize if fate had
treated them just as bad
they should follow that rule which is gold.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 23 11, 19:08

I've found money won't answer a need
when a meal or some plowing, to seed
fallow fields... would best teach
how to practice what's preached
by do-gooders, who poverty feed.

Posted by: Alan Sep 24 11, 11:37

Do-plodders

Do-gooders who would poverty feed
enforce continuance of such need
one fish is one meal
fish-hooks much more real
from hunger whole nations they can feed

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 26 11, 15:23

I'm glad that you too see the issue;
to others I pass on a tissue
to dry up their tears.
And to you who have sneers...
I will still help the needy... and miss you.

Posted by: Larry Sep 27 11, 01:04

Charity

There's a chasm of difference between
perception and what some think is seen.
One must try, recognize
pleas for help from mere lies.
Use your heart or the bile from your spleen.

No Pockets on Caskets

Many live all their lives on the dole.
Some would like to crawl out of that hole
but the prescient rich
kick them back in the ditch
pleading for a small crumb from filled bowl.


Self Portrait

Through no fault of my own when quite young
into orphanages I'd been slung;
but without their largesse
life would have been a mess.
Helping hands can grow flowers from dung!

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 27 11, 07:41

Ask the 400 addicts who've lived
in our house, or the others we've div'd
out used clothing or food
if we've done them some good...
plus we've taught them to live... not survive.

Posted by: Larry Sep 29 11, 14:15

Kudos go to yourself and Saint Jude
for that second chance, clothes and the food
you dispersed without pause
for a wonderful cause.
Limerick posts had intent misconstrued.

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 30 11, 08:46

A poem has many strange sides
and its edges at times may collide
with a sore plot of skin
that stirs up chagrin
which in turn turns a voice to be snide.

Posted by: Alan Oct 9 11, 08:55

POLITICIANS' COMEUPPANCE

That which may turn our voices to snide
is when faces do not match what's inside :
presenting illusion
with much self-delusion,
and entirely unjustified pride !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Alan Oct 10 11, 08:40

EGO SUM

An entirely unjustified pride
not shared by any other, world-wide :
Cogito ergo sum ?
No, Cogito, ego sum
is how his translation's applied !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Cogito ergo sum - I think, therefore I am
Cogito ego sum - I think, therefore I am

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 21 11, 12:53

I think I've an ego sumtimes
and somehow it shows up in rhymes
that make little sense
and don't earn a pence
or even those piddlesome dimes.

Posted by: Larry Oct 26 11, 16:01

Once the piddle some dime was supreme
It could buy candy bars or ice crème
at the matinée show
where the kids used to go
and get change back; but that’s an old dream.

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 26 11, 16:55

I am older than you, 'cause a nickle
could buy candy bars, but life's fickle.
The once-penny-candy
made coppers quite handy
but now they can't get you a tickle.

Posted by: Alan Oct 27 11, 02:59

TOWARDS A MORE GENTLE WORLD OF POLICING

If coppers could give one a tickle
instead of wading in with their sickle
the world would be better
no need for "chain letter"
for happiness would be far less fickle !

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 27 11, 08:46

Your sickle police sound like hackers;
I don't think they'd have public backers!
It they walked the beat
I suspect folks may greet
them with chains, clubs and other blue-blackers!

Posted by: Larry Oct 28 11, 08:38

If one tickles with sickles, it's chancy
they'll need something a little more fancy
for each man and his son
totes a knife or a gun.
Just the thought of it makes me feel antsy!

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 28 11, 10:26

A man who has ants in his pants
is itchin' for trouble; there's chance
he'll be discomboobled
and friend will be troubled
that all his behavior's askance.

Posted by: Alan Nov 2 11, 11:18

SUPPLICANTS

To know human behaviour, don't ask ants,
or bees busy in their productive dance
thus fails psychology
and many an 'ology
for nest and hive no human soul supplants !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Larry Nov 7 11, 19:08

Human souls can’t endure the group mind
leaving self or their ego behind.
Ants and bees will survive
but the fate of their hive
leaves no choice in their life undefined.

Posted by: Alan Nov 9 11, 02:15

A RIFE LIFE

A leaf has no choice - annual life
of growing, waving, and falling, short strife;
then turning to muck,
mulch for trees to suck :
eternal life/death cycles are rife ....

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 11 11, 17:20

Please leave us a loan, said the tree;
the forest is bigger than me.
We all use cool winters
to heal many splinters
then bud forth in spring, rested, free.

Posted by: Alan Nov 15 11, 02:01

THIS BUD'S OF YOU

Then, Bud, fourth is spring, best season
for the earth, for now is the reason
for acts of procreation
and much other gyration,
so of pleasure there's a touch, or frisson

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 17 11, 13:12

No pleasure from touch in a prison
when morning demands have arisen
and you need relief
but fear to debrief
lest someone be there on a mission.

Posted by: Larry Nov 18 11, 00:09

In a prison there’s no shower stall
so make sure that you’re soap doesn’t fall
when the lather is thick.
If it drops, here a trick;
just rinse off with your back to the wall.

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 18 11, 14:46

When your back's to the wall don't get flustered
lest it seem that you can't cut the mustard,
and don't fear the flack
if eggs you should crack;
just use them to cook up a custard.

Posted by: Larry Nov 20 11, 08:54

Poor old Custer had no wall to save
all the men he had mustered. The brave
and his self met demise
quick as an arrow flies.
Shish-ka-bobbed in the front, back and nave.

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 20 11, 13:51

Shush! 'cause Bob 'hind your back is a knave
who acts in your face that he's brave,
but he waggles his tongue
with rogues he's among
and doesn't know how to behave.

Posted by: Larry Nov 21 11, 17:12

In societal bounds, “to behave”
is conformity’s child; ‘t would enslave
everyone, old and young.
Paraphrasing Carl Jung,
“Personality’s death would be grave.”

Posted by: Alan Dec 2 11, 09:33

RAVE-CYCLED

Personality will not die at the grave
it's the one bit of you that is saved
so you start off anew
with a new body too
just imagine, once again you can rave !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Posted by: Alan Dec 5 11, 17:55

For now, once again you can rave
at the iniquity of the grave
for your late body
did get rather shoddy
'tis only a soul you can save ....

ALan

Posted by: Larry Dec 8 11, 01:18

Let this string with its too somber tone
meet demise. A quick death I condone.
For a Limerick should be
fun and slightly bawdy
ending with a chuckle or a groan.

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 12 11, 15:45

Amen' d with a chuckle or groan
when the preacher has jokingly shown
you a path you might take
if you would but forsake
some selfishness... seeking your own.

Posted by: Alan Dec 14 11, 19:59

SEEK AND YE SHALL NOT FIND

It ain't easy, this seeking your own
when the gut is so gross, overgrown
so you fumble and stir
ask "Is it really there"
verdict, sadly, it's quite overblown

Alan

Posted by: Larry Dec 15 11, 00:51

I must ask so I won't be remiss
in obtaining the source of this bliss
for I have never known
anyone overblown.
Does it end with a moan or a hiss?

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 15 11, 12:59

I can't answer that question, friend Larry,
but friend Alan, I wish you would tarry
to see that forsaking
is the undertaking:
from selfishness one should be wary!

Posted by: Larry Dec 21 11, 16:09

Is it selfish; considered obtuse
in me wishing for this train’s caboose?
Silly rhymes I would make,
“Serious” I’d forsake.
If the limerick’s not fun, what’s the use?

Posted by: Alan Dec 22 11, 04:18

SICK HUMOUR ?

If the limerick’s not fun, what’s the use?
Well, no sense of humour's my excuse :
life is so serious,
damn deleterious,
that laughing's a form of abuse !

Alan

(PS Written as the devil's advocate)

Posted by: Larry Dec 22 11, 09:04

It's a "now proven" scientific truth,
and it would be remiss and uncouth
if I did not report
matters of great import...
Laughter is now my fountain of youth.

Posted by: Rhymer Dec 22 11, 10:21

Some limericks are raunchy and crude,
and others tend to be lewd,
but the best of them all,
are the ones I recall,
being downright dirty and rude.

A limerick paints a brief scene,
its relevance, easily seen,
but if said and done,
it's merely a pun,
it’s never thought good when it’s clean.

My December thoughts. Lol!

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 22 11, 12:24

I'll take off my clothes here to prove
that in Limericks it oft will behoove
us to lather with soap
if there's any hope
in bathing... our dirt to remove.

Posted by: Larry Dec 23 11, 14:48

Keep your shirt on as well as your pants
lest the reader look at you askance.
Water will not avail
by the drop or the pail
to brainwash you before the last dance.

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 28 11, 06:13

I don't shower for folks to look on,
and I hope you will take the baton
and join in our race
to clean up this space
for writing that clean minds may spawn.


very Lightly, of course, Daniel

Posted by: Alan Dec 31 11, 01:22

DOWN AND DIRTY

This, your "writing that clean minds may spawn"
is a bore, to be met with a yawn
please do not seek a cure
for limericks impure
to kow-tow to those minds too too high-born

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 3 12, 12:09

A Tutu who's highborn's no Boer
South African dwellers abhor.
The Bishop is kind,
will challenge your mind
to positive, activist lore.




Original first line, with typos:

A Tuto who's highborn's no bore

Posted by: Larry Jan 4 12, 09:57

Who’s this Tuto whom you give acclaim?
Is that Archbishop Desmond of fame?
Man of peace, he just might
want to put up a fight
if he read someone had changed his name.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 9 12, 11:27

A typo is easy to do;
one look, and you'll see I made two.
Corrections I've made
ere memories fade
and folks will forget I made do.

blushing sLightly, Daniel

Posted by: Larry Jan 10 12, 09:36

I knew Tuto 'twas typo before
I'd replied, but the thing I adore
is the twist at the end
of line one; I just grinned.
Didn't see that one coming Señor!

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 10 12, 09:50

I will blush with a hesitant bow
at the thought that I've shown someone how
to laugh at a thought
they hadn't first sought
in reading a poem with stiff brow.

Posted by: Larry Jan 10 12, 11:45

No stiff brow I allow when I read
a limerick that is slick. To succeed,
read to self, never speak.
With your tongue tucked in cheek
a stern visage just might make you bleed.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 10 12, 13:14

May no one ever bleed when they read
[though I think I succeed if they've peed]
when I Lim'rick I've writ --
though I freely admit
to misleading my friends to misread.

Posted by: Larry Jan 10 12, 15:28

A Limerick of ambiguous slants
that obscures the true meaning, supplants
what some readers, astute,
ascertain with a hoot.
Others have no epiphanic chance.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 10 12, 15:42

Epiphanic 's a hard word to fit
in this meter without losing wit...
but I do get your meaning...
yet fear others' leaning
too far t'ward the beckoning pit!

Posted by: Larry Jan 11 12, 09:46

Is that “Pit” what their calling a school
where the students now sleep, text and drool?
Let them lean ‘till they fall
on their face. I would call
that the best way to cleanse the gene pool.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 11 12, 10:25

Oh, be careful of students from http://www.pitt.edu/!
If you dis them, you'll likely commit
unforgivable sin.
The battle they'll win;
their http://www.pittsburghpanthers.com/ devour you and spit.

Posted by: Larry Jan 11 12, 10:51

Panther spit, to me, is somehow gross.
To be eaten or left comatose
by a big hungry cat
would negate a post that
might make smiles from what had been morose.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 11 12, 11:16

Making smiles with our posts is a goal
whether Santa is leaving us coal
or he chuckles so loud
his belly's a shroud...
then we'd Mrs. Santa console.

Posted by: Larry Jan 12 12, 09:42

Being bad does not count if you're blessed
by a priest after you have confessed.
Men like trucks or a gun,
boys want toys to have fun,
but girls want COAL that's highly compressed.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 13 12, 08:22

A diamond's forever, they say
and I've found it to be that way--
the savings, that is,
goes up in a fizz--
and now I've no time to make hay.

Posted by: Larry Jan 13 12, 13:03

"Making hay is not easy", he said;
when I asked an old farmer named Fred.
"If you're old, you get tired
and with age, uninspired
whether talking 'bout field or the bed."

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 13 12, 14:41

But what if he's talkin' 'bout money?
He has a good time with his honey
but tired from the field
he finds he must yield
the checkbook... an' now he gets noney!

Posted by: Larry Jan 15 12, 14:01

Hay and money, synonymous, go
with the passage of time's ebb and flow
but I postulate this,
said the blinded seamstress,
to get either, you rip what you sew.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 17 12, 10:11

You reek when you so chew that chaw;
you musta larned better from Ma!
Ya don't hafta wear pink
to look nice and not stink...
or just keep on, an' ya'll smell like Pa.

Posted by: Larry Jan 17 12, 14:40

Though dispersions are cast on what's "chewed"
and the scent with which one is imbued;
something's worse, a pig sty,
redolent cigars by
an odoriferous magnitude.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 17 12, 15:45

Cast dispersion upon a pig's stye?
That's like saying, here's mud in your eye
to a person who's blind;
it's darkly unkind...
and you may dis that pig who can fly!

Posted by: Larry Jan 18 12, 09:28

A pig’s tie? Tell me where is it bought?
They can fly? Oh, I never had thought
what enables their flight
through the air like a kite.
Perhaps they are just flatulence fraught.

Posted by: Larry Jan 18 12, 09:29

I’m naïve of this porcine cravat,
or of feathered appendage they’ve got
but in flight, I’m afraid
that their latent air raid
would surpass any tittle or jot.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 19 12, 12:41

When a seagull dropped poo in his eye,
he was heard to have uttered a sigh:
I'm just glad that a cow
doesn't fly, because how
would I ever be safe? Me, oh my!

Posted by: Larry Jan 20 12, 22:37

An umbrella may be of some use
with a pig or a cow, even moose
but if Dumbo can fly
he'd hit more than an eye.
A freight train from its front to caboose.

Posted by: Alan Jan 21 12, 01:48

PROPOSING THE MOTION

Defecation is that human urge
on which kings, too, have been known to splurge;
to fling poop with abandon
is too "method" Brandon,
all verses on crap should be submerged.

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 22 12, 07:00

Verse-immersion? Has it been in vogue?
And in what do they dip them, fine rogue?
If the toilet is handy
would that then be dandy?
Burns' loo... did it have a wee brogue?

Posted by: Larry Jan 22 12, 12:14

Although Burns wrote "Farewell" to a stream
I would doubt the "Loo" part of his theme.
If it was, I might think
it a part of "Scotch Drink"
which be-mused Robert, so it would seem.

Posted by: Alan Jan 23 12, 05:56

HE, BURNS, IN HELL

Robert Burns was bemused, all too well;
he kept writing as "McGonagall".
His poem on Bridge Tay
just will not go away,
as poetry it's surely pure hell.

Alan

http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/gems/the-tay-bridge-disaster

A taster - his last lines :

Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

William McGonagall

Posted by: Larry Jan 24 12, 01:09

You must hold Robert in low esteem
to imply that McGonagall… SCREAM…
might be one and the same
with a change of his name
thirty years after death, it would seem.

Posted by: Alan Jan 24 12, 01:35

BONNIE RAB CLATTERS OOR WULLY

Concerning oor Wully and Robert,
this truth, my friend, I will assert :
that they are both Scots,
which impresses me lots,
Rab is main course, the other, mere dessert ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Jan 24 12, 09:31

Your "Wully" is a train wreck of words,
though well loved, penned some metrical herds.
If his poems were dessert
I would not want to hurt
your feelings but I'd rather have curds.

------------

I'd prefer Stevenson, even Scott
though the later did not pen a lot.
Wully's works were a mass
and much fun, but alas
must be served by the spoon not by pot.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 24 12, 13:05

So we're back to the pot? It would seem
that it somehow keeps sending a beam
to our two would-be Scots
who get tied up in knots
and return to their old out-house theme!

Posted by: Larry Jan 24 12, 15:17

It's no pot, prefixed "chamber" but "ale".
One for drink but not used to expell
excess fluid intake
from a thirst one must slake;
ascertained from the smell... Asphodel.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 24 12, 16:53

I spend little time in a loo
and I keep from that bar-hoppin' too
so forgive me for missin'
you weren't thinkin' pissin'....
Here's hopin' that your skies are blue.

Posted by: Larry Jan 25 12, 09:56

Sky's are gray and that's reality
but perception is clear as can be
for it's two decades past
since I imbibed my last
glass of anything stronger than tea.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 25 12, 10:21

So it's tea that you're drinkin' down there;
I have coffee in front of me here...
and I merely re-heat
what's left; won't repeat
my trick from last night: coffee hair!

Posted by: Larry Jan 25 12, 10:58

Tea's for dinner or lunch but each morn'
"Joe" is blowin' Community's horn.
Their "Dark Roast" I will sup
'till my eyelids rise up
and my tongue feels like it's freshly shorn.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 25 12, 11:09

I admit I have ne'er shaved my tongue!
That community? Who're you among?
Do they have any hair?
Do they wear underwear?
Are you sure that you really belong?

Posted by: Larry Jan 26 12, 08:51

The "Community's" coffee! Dark roast!
It's the brew I drink with morning toast.
Clothed, hirsute, bald or nude,
it's consumed; not construed
to be dye or shampoo that is dosed.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 26 12, 13:11

I won't drink there if some folks are nude.
If they're partially-clothed or un-shoed,
that's of no consequence,
but if butt's evidenced
then I'm staying away. It's just rude!

Posted by: Larry Jan 26 12, 13:41

I drink coffee each morn' in P.J.'s;
never nude. That was only a phrase
illustrating that chaste
has no bearing on taste
for great coffee will always amaze.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 26 12, 17:38

I would love to drink mine in PJ's;
fellow-workers, however, would gaze
on unfavorably,
and I likely would be
out of work for a number of days.

Posted by: Larry Jan 27 12, 16:52

There's a city just east, Ponchatoula*
with P.J.'s coffee shop. Not much moolah
will be charged for a brew,
freshly ground before you
and they serve it real hot or much coolah!



*Ponch-a-two-la

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 28 12, 12:50

When you're crossing o'er Lake Pontchartrain
it's hard for your mind to maintain
that you are inland
'til you see firsthand
New Orleans and visit Tulane.

Posted by: Larry Jan 30 12, 10:51

Yes, my wife made that trip to St. Jude
where she set guidelines for serving food.
She said, "It seems to be
just a bridge out to sea!"
When it's dark and foggy, don't intrude.

Posted by: Alan Feb 10 12, 09:24

When it's dark and foggy, don't intrude
you might stumble across actions rude
then again, you might learn
things for which you'd yearn
unless you're unreconstructed prude

Alan

Posted by: Larry Feb 10 12, 10:40

Prudes were never constructed, my friend
so they can not be "Re". They defend
their convictions of right
and will put up a fight
'till they're broken but they never bend.

Posted by: Alan Feb 18 12, 02:34

Dear Larry,

I've tried several times to continue from your last line, but have a total blank - you got us, how about getting us out again ?!?!

Love
Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 18 12, 06:59

Stills were broken, 'cause they couldn't bend;
revenuers were fixed on their end.
But the moonshiners still
make it at their will --
and each does it with his special blend.

Posted by: Larry Feb 18 12, 16:54

If you are blending moon, use a spoon
that is carved from good oak. It's a boon
to the taste of your brew.
Other wood, elm or yew
makes it taste like you cooked a raccoon.

Posted by: Alan Feb 18 12, 18:02

Make it taste like you cooked, you raccoon,
or I'll have you stripes, sniveling poltroon;
get back in the army
before I go barmy
and send you to live in barracoon !

Alan

PS (n.) A slave warehouse, or an inclosure where slaves are quartered temporarily.

Posted by: Larry Feb 19 12, 16:03

They cook raccoons down here in the south
but the taste never passed lips and mouth;
'possum too, basted slow.
I would rather eat crow
than to eat either one. This I voweth!

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 21 12, 08:47

Thou vowest at eating thy words?
Is good English now only for nerds?
The -eths and the -ests
seem reserved for the guests
of the would-be's... correctness deferred.

Posted by: Larry Feb 21 12, 15:42

When dear Ogden was asked if sometime
he made grammar mistakes just to rhyme;
he replied, "If I need
certain words to succeed,
I'll invent or change its paradigm."

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 21 12, 16:44

Reading Ogden, I'll ne'er Nash my teeth,
nor when scanning your work will my sheath
e'er be emptied of sword
for to thee I have swored
only blessings to thee I'd bequeath.

Posted by: Larry Feb 23 12, 01:11

Though your blessings, bequeathed without geis,
are accepted and surely do please;
I may save them on hold
for when I have a cold
and release them whenever I sneeze.