A Knight In Shining Armor~Part 2 Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Luke returned, embraced his wife,
rebelled at letting her go.
His chances of hailing home
had been slight not long ago...

Battles he fought so bravely
left scars upon his chest.
One lance had come so close,
welts shown across his breast.

Blood ran thick in rivers cerise
from fallen knight and foe.
Opponents fought him fiercely,
no cease to turbulent flow.

He caught the swing of lance
and roared out hated wrath.
What luck 'twas just a flesh wound,
he was nearly sliced in half!

The blunder did unseat him,
blurred visions he was to see.
In dreams he battled spectres
and stood out triumphantly.

He apologized to his God,
"I'm sorry Lord I'm not through",
wrenched about and strode retreat,
vengeance he pursued.

Once atop his charger,
raven screamed out wicked.
Crimson death streaked stygian eyes,
attacker be afflicted.

Luke charged the battlefield,
opponent now in sight.
He ran him through with lance
and blood ran scarlet bright.

Crow atop his shoulder,
a sparkle in his eye,
he stood calmly, ever near,
as a foe prepared to die.

He was wicked on the battlefield,
heartless and inhumane.
His friends called it survival,
others called him insane.

Her crimson scarf willed him home,
He kissed his wife ne'er to let go.
His chances of hailing home
had been slight not long ago...

copyright Nov2004 Cathy Bollhoefer

[Aggiel]

Wou, the glorious return home what a relief!  :knight:

Your account of Luk's bravery at the battle field is lively and bloody.
I like your rhymes and flow of the poem.
I was wondering if  it should be " fallen knights and foes " to cause blood ran thick in rivers cerise ? For otherwise I find no flaw.

Blood ran thick in rivers cerise
from fallen knight and foe.
Opponents fought him fiercely,

Thanks for the delightful read,Cathy.

Best

Aggiel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I really don't know Aggiel!  I'll have to think about that one.

I'm so glad you liked it!

Cathy~

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

A gory, violent battle your knight so valiently fought.  It made for interesting reading

He was wicked on the battlefield,
heartless and inhumane.
His friends called it survival,
others called him insane

I wanted to like your knight and see him as a hero, but I found this stanza rather chilling reading.  He took the fighting to another level other than just fighting for survival.  He obviously got a thrill out of killing which rather put me off him.  It was also a big contrast to the way he treated his wife.    Will his heartless inhumane streak show itself now he is home?  I am looking forward to seeing how the tale develops.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Cathy,

This jolly romp of (un)chivalrous derring-do (he says, mixing eras freely, a la Hollywood) is well worded and rhymed.

I also think it is quite a good anti-war poem for you have told the story over many verses without any altruistic motivation, nor justification, whatsoever. I think if you'd tried to offer a greater good or to explain the background the poem would fail. As it is, it celebrates the bloody futility of weapon-enhanced testosterone. Well done.

James.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Cathy,

What adventures!

welts show across his breast.

Present tense when the rest is in past?

He apologized to his God,
"I'm sorry sir, I'm not through",

"Lord" might be more in keeping with knightly language - as in "Lord God almighty".

Once atop his charger,
raven screamed out wicked.
Crimson death streaked stygian eyes,
attacker be afflicted.

terrifying vengence unloosed!

Crow atop his shoulder,
a sparkle in his eye,
he stood calmly, ever near,
as his foe prepared to die.

He was wicked on the battlefield,
heartless and inhumane.
His friends call it survival,
others called him insane.

These two verses seem to show him as innured to the terrible violence - almost enjoying it, certainly a party to the excesses?

Her crimson scarf willed him home,
He kissed his wife ne'er to let go.
His chances of hailing home
had been slight not long ago...

Nice refrain of the first stanza here.
But can he settle down again?
Waiting for the next installment with eager anticipation,

Fran

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thanks James and Fran!  I'm really glad you enjoyed my little tale.  I will fix those places that need fixed!

Thanks, I appreciate your time.

Cathy~

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I think being in the thick of battle can change a person, even if for a little while.  We'll have to see what happens in the next episode.  Stay tuned!

Cathy~