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greenwich
Posted on: Dec 13 18, 11:27


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Awesome poem very good description of the ageing process
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #151152 · Replies: 3 · Views: 5,398

greenwich
Posted on: Nov 23 18, 05:18


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Very perspective really enjoyed the poem last line is a belter
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #151130 · Replies: 3 · Views: 5,003

greenwich
Posted on: Oct 19 18, 10:28


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Enjoyed reading this good flow
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #151108 · Replies: 5 · Views: 9,808

greenwich
Posted on: Sep 24 18, 05:18


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Very good rhyming couplets
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #151078 · Replies: 5 · Views: 9,808

greenwich
Posted on: Aug 29 18, 13:00


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Stanza 2 me and mortality do not rhyme Otherwise an excellent poem
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #151048 · Replies: 10 · Views: 9,069

greenwich
Posted on: Aug 10 18, 09:57


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instead of motor why not engine. You have already mentioned grit and train therefore a steam train
no mention of subways in this good poem
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #150950 · Replies: 6 · Views: 26,068

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 28 18, 14:27


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Stanza 2 lines 1 and 3 are not rhyming couplets. Otherwise very enjoyable
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #150944 · Replies: 2 · Views: 5,119

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 23 18, 11:44


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Man against nature. A wilderness poem like the description of dog baying
Hermits special blend could be his elixir instead more drama
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #150923 · Replies: 1 · Views: 4,335

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 29 17, 14:03


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Thank you for the comments All gratefully received . I wanted to make the readers feel the room was hermetically sealed, so to give
an idea of the subjects contrasting surroundings.
Maybe the rustle of leaves rather than din..
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #148077 · Replies: 10 · Views: 10,673

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 15 17, 16:38


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A perfect setting a ramshackle hotel with cheap walls. The need to imagine a better setting is poignantly put, by mention of the required auria even if it deadens the elevator from humming. The central plot of the poem is Capri dreams. I feel the mood and setting of the poem is perfectly pitched. A classic
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147927 · Replies: 6 · Views: 7,814

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 6 17, 15:44


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Absolutely beautiful. The imagery and flow are perfect
Love chink in dream wall. This establishes the basis of the poem - weaving a dream
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147813 · Replies: 10 · Views: 11,352

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 6 17, 11:02


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The poem is full of vivid energy. Is the tango a reference to the dance macabre where at the turn the assassin cuts the throat of the victim.
Tango was associated with the lower classes in Argentina and Uruguay. Is the poem dealing with this settlement ?
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147800 · Replies: 9 · Views: 9,533

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 4 17, 13:51


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This poem is delightful. The child exposed to the POWs
in transit on the imagined dragon blowing fumes of smoke. A great juxaposion between reality and fantasy until the refrain Crummy Nazis. Picking the berries seemed to recall a bucolic ideal but taking the berries from Agnes lips suggests burgeoning sensuality which is very touching
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147763 · Replies: 6 · Views: 7,396

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 4 17, 12:15


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Hi Just Daniel. I additionally followed your advice and changed unlike to like no other. I apologise for not commenting on your advice.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147759 · Replies: 10 · Views: 10,673

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 4 17, 10:54


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Thank you Eira for your help. Yes there are too many thes in my poem. They slow the pace of the read.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147757 · Replies: 10 · Views: 10,673

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 4 17, 09:53


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Very descriptive and well recalled dedication to someone fondly remembered, calming storms that drench me.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147756 · Replies: 10 · Views: 11,352

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 4 17, 09:44


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The poem is about not sleeping and being in the lounge in dark morning light. Such is a valued time of quietness where life decisions can be made in this tranquillity.
I read that at 04.00 am devils and angels are in conflict with each other.
Rather than rarefield should be used than rarefied.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147755 · Replies: 5 · Views: 8,142

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 4 17, 09:38


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From: Croydon, Surrey
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Going West is a metaphor for death coming from an early 60s Twilight Zone episode ' The Hitchhiker ", where a lady unknown to herself had already died and whilst driving to the West being followed by the hitchhiker thumbing his way to her end destination . A further connection pictures the unexplored wilderness of 19th century USA, read as danger.

Thank you to everyone who commented on my poem . The pointers on plurals was appreciated and followed
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147754 · Replies: 3 · Views: 5,661

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 2 17, 16:02


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Death is a gentleman in a weathered trench coat.
His sunglasses shield his burning eyes.
The ample holes in his shoe
take in spare souls,
who have wallowed
in their meths misery.
Death has no fear of subways
or crossroads.
His mission is too precise,
conjurer of tricks
repenters can never work it off.
He licks his lips with each given soliloquy
Those are the tastiest of souls
and before you know it
you're hitchhiking to the West
is his way
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147716 · Replies: 3 · Views: 5,661

greenwich
Posted on: Jul 2 17, 15:16


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From: Croydon, Surrey
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The wayfarer finds himself in the Autumn room
The din of outside leaves invites the tremble of truth
The man's heart sinks, for he has no tidings
Many dark paths has he evaded
but the silence
of this room is like no other
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #147709 · Replies: 10 · Views: 10,673

greenwich
Posted on: Apr 13 17, 06:36


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Thank you very much
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #146966 · Replies: 2 · Views: 5,807

greenwich
Posted on: Apr 6 17, 03:09


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From: Croydon, Surrey
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Hearty is the song of the brave.
Virtue the blacksmiths lock.
All men are angels,
only looking for a true cause.
Refined should be their energy
Steadfast in their wisdom.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #146889 · Replies: 2 · Views: 5,807

greenwich
Posted on: Apr 2 17, 17:04


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From: Croydon, Surrey
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Revision

Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
early morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field
where there is no movement beyond
these summoned thoughts


Original
Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field amber:
where there is no movement beyond
these thoughts summoned.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #146842 · Replies: 5 · Views: 8,142

greenwich
Posted on: Mar 31 17, 06:14


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Thank you Eira for your support Maybe follower of truth instad of speck of truth. Poem's about those who want to learn and those who don't and a suggestion of the World each wants to inhabit
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #146809 · Replies: 2 · Views: 6,106

greenwich
Posted on: Mar 30 17, 15:55


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Lowly speck of truth
do you read to self improve ?
Are you tired of others lights dimming ?
where knowledge is no longer a mission.
Whilst the night's owls insist on screeching
their own legend,
has anyone the right to think
any the less of you ?
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #146806 · Replies: 2 · Views: 6,106

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