~ A Willow Tree ~, Member Choice Winner Options

[Aggiel]

Member Choice Award Winner

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

A Willow Tree ~

By roadside stands a willow tree,
I've seen it there since I was three;
its branches spread to reach the sky.
Beneath this tree we love to lie
in quiet till the sun has set...
then linger there, all else forget.

Through lightning, thunder, howling gale
it has stood strong... though lean, not frail.
Birds build their nests for young to brunch;
giraffes see leaves and reach to munch.
As night approaches, roost the fowl ;
above them perch a hooting owl.

As summers come and go, it's fall ;
my willow tree still stands so tall.
It's shed abundant flowers and leaves,
all teased by showers as weather peeves.
Some winds will cause the tree to dance,
and leafy twigs will sway entranced.

At times the tree is very still;
behind it we can see the hill.
I love my Giant more and more
when up above it sparrows soar.
If you could see what I now see,
you'd also hope 'twill always be.

Thanks , Daniel

~ A Willow Tree ~

By roadside stands a willow tree,
I've seen it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky.
Beneath the tree we love to lie
on quiet eves to watch sunset.
We linger there, all else forget.

It's escaped fierce thunder and gale
and now it stands still strong, not frail.
Birds build their nests atop a branch,
Giraffes see leaves and reach to munch.
As night approaches, roost the fowls;
above them perch some hooting owls.

Summers come and go, now it's fall.
My willow tree still stands so tall;
shedding many flowers and leaves,
teased by showers as weather peeves.
Sometimes the winds make the tree dance
and leafy twigs sway in a trance.

Sometimes the tree is very still;
behind it we can see the hill.
I love my giant more and more,
when up above it sparrows soar.
If you could see what I now see;
you'd also hope it'll always be.

Agatha Lai



~ A Willow Tree ~

By roadside stands a willow tree,
I've seen it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky.
Beneath the tree we love to lie
on quiet eves to watch sunset.
We linger there, all else forget.
It's escaped fierce thunder and gale
and now it stands still strong, not frail.
Birds build their nests atop a branch,
Giraffes sees leaves and quickly munch.
As night approaches, roost the fowls,
and later joined by hooting owls.
The seasons come and go, here's fall.
My willow tree still stands so tall;
shedding many flowers and leaves,
teased by showers as weather peeves.
Sometimes the winds make the tree dance
and leafy branches sway in trance.
Sometimes the tree is very still;
behind it we can see the hill.
I love this willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.

~ A Willow Tree ~ ( Original )

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
I saw it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath the tree we love to lie
in the evening to see sunset.
We linger there till it was late.
It has escaped storms and thunder
and now it stands still strong yonder.
Birds make nests on its branches.
A giraffe sees its leaves and munches.
As night falls, roost the fowls.
They are later joined by some owls.
Summers come and go and here's fall;
but the willow tree still stands so tall,
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by the rains and showers.
Sometimes the wind makes the tree dance.
Now the branches, now the leaves.
Sometimes the tree is very still.
Behind it we can see the hill.
I love the willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.

2002

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Nov 19 06, 15:11

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Aggie

You paint a vivid picture of the importance of the willow tree, both in your life and that of nature dependent on it for shelter and food. It would be lovely if you had a photo of the tree to complement the poem.

Sometimes I feel the rhyme is a bit off, I've tried to make offer some not very good suggestions.


A few thoughts, take or leave as you wish

[add] {delete} comment

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
{I saw}[I've seen] it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath {the}[this] tree we love to lie
in the evening to see sunset.
We linger {there till it was} late [with no regret]. ...lovely to imagine you lying under the tree, looking up at the setting Sun. I have changed the last line to keep the rhyme going.
It has escaped storms and thunder
and now it stands still strong yonder.
Birds make nests [up]on its branches.
A giraffe {sees its}[tears off] leaves and [quickly] munches.
As night falls, roost[ing] {the} fowls.
{They} are later joined by {some}[hooting] owls.
Summers come and go {and here's}[now it's} {f}[F]all;
but the willow tree still stands so tall,
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by {the rains and} [gently falling] showers. ..rain and showers are the same thing
Sometimes {the} wind makes the tree dance{.}
{Now the}[moving] branches{, now the leaves}[in rhythmic trance].
Sometimes the tree is very still.
Behind it we can see the hill.
I love the willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.

and without the twiddly bits:

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
I've seen it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath this tree we love to lie
in the evening to see sunset.
We linger late with no regret.

It has escaped storms and thunder
and now it stands still strong yonder.
Birds make nests upon its branches.
A giraffe tears off leaves and quickly munches.
As night falls, roosting fowls.
are later joined by hooting owls.

Summers come and go; now it's Fall;
but the willow tree still stands so tall,
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by gently falling showers.
Sometimes wind makes the tree dance,
moving leafy branches in rhythmic trance.
Sometimes the tree is very still.
Behind it we can see the hill.

I love the willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.

There's probably other better suggestions than I've come up with but I have to rush off to work now.

Thanks for the read

Nina

[Arnfinn]

Hi Aggie,

~ A Willow Tree ~

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
I saw it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath the tree we love to lie
in the evening to see sunset.
We linger there till it was late.
It has escaped storms and thunder
and now it stands still strong yonder.
Birds make nests on its branches.
A giraffe sees its leaves and munches.
As night falls, roost the fowls.
They are later joined by some owls.
Summers come and go and here's fall;
but the willow tree still stands so tall,
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by the rains and showers.
Sometimes the wind makes the tree dance.
Now the branches, now the leaves.
Sometimes the tree is very still.
Behind it we can see the hill.
I love the willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.

2002

I see Nina's been busy and has spent some time giving you some ideas in relation to your lovely tree swaying with the breeze.

You paint a vivid picture, willow trees grow tall with fat with deep green foliage.

'Sometimes the wind makes the tree dance.
Now the branches, now the leaves.'

I get a feeling of happiness and serenity flowing through your poetry.


John.

[Aggiel]

Nina,

This is one of my earlier poems and I am sentimental about it.
Sunset time is fun with a willow tree near by both for us and the
fowls and birds.

Yes my rhymes are a bit off and I like the way you add bits here
and there to make it more elegant.

Thanks a lot for the crit.



Aggie

[Aggiel]

John,

I am glad my poem has that effect on you.
Thanks for the encouraging comments.



Aggie

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Aggie

This is a lovley joyful poem for a special tree - super feeling to this.

Just the occasional bump in R&M, perhaps. As always, use or lose the suggestions as YOU wish.

Fran

~ A Willow Tree ~

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
I saw it there since I was three. --- I've known it there ... ? (I saw it ... since gives a slightly strange feel to the tense)
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath the tree we love to lie
in the evening to see sunset.
We linger there till it was late. --- the last few lines are present tense so " ... till it IS late" ? the rhyme sunset/late isn't quite there ... we linger there, our beds forget. ?
It has escaped storms and thunder
and now it stands still strong yonder.
Birds make nests on its branches. --- nests WITHIN its (rhythm) ?
A giraffe sees its leaves and munches. --- LOL
As night falls, roost the fowls.
They are later joined by some owls. --- through the daylight snooze some owls ?
Summers come and go and here's fall; --- Summers come and go; now here's fall ?
but the willow tree still stands so tall, -- MY willow ?
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by the rains and showers.
Sometimes the wind makes the tree dance.
Now the branches, now the leaves. --- now the leaves, now the branch (rhyme) ?
Sometimes the tree is very still.
Behind it we can see the hill.
I love the willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.

[Aggiel]

Hi Fran,

I'm glad my willow tree has attracted so many visitors.

You have some good suggestions , but it's getting late
so I'll wait till tomorrow to see what I can do about
improving this poem.

So glad you check in here.



Aggie

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Aggie!

I love willow trees! They are so full and graceful. When I was a child we had one in our backyard and I would use it as a place to hide. I created my own little world under those leaves and it was like the rest of the world ceased to exist while I was under there.

Suggestions for you to use or lose ...

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
I['ve seen] {saw} it there since I was three. OR 'it's been there since I was three...'
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath the tree we love to lie
in the evening to see sunset{.}[,] 'on quiet eves to watch sunset'?
We linger there till it {was}[is] late. 'We linger there, all else forget'? to rhyme with 'sunset'.
It['s] {has} escaped [fierce] storms and thunder
{and now}[yet] it stands still strong yonder.
Birds {make}[build] nests {on}[within] its branches{.}[,] 'Build' to add alliteration?
A giraffe sees its leaves and [quickly] munches.
As night falls, roost the fowls{.}[,]
{They are} later joined by {some}[hooting] owls.
Summers come and go {and here's}[, now it's] fall;
but {the}[my] willow tree still stands so tall,
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by {the rains and}[gently falling] showers.
Sometimes {the} wind[s] make{s} the tree dance.
Now the branches, now the leaves. 'weaving leaves into a trance'? to rhyme with 'dance'
Sometimes the tree is very still{.}[,]
ehind it we can see the hill.
I love the willow tree more and more{.}[,]
[i]t is my favorite super-store. [b]I don't quite understand this line. Could you explain please?

You have used some beautiful imagery which makes it easy for me to remember what being under the willow was like.

It would look like this:

By the roadside stands a willow tree,
it's been there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky;
beneath the tree we love to lie
on quiet eves to watch sunset,
we linger there, all else forget.
It's escaped fierce storms and thunder,
yet it stands still strong yonder.
Birds build nests within its branches,
a giraffe sees leaves and quickly munches.
As night falls, roost the fowls,
later joined by hooting owls.
Summers come and go, now here's fall;
but my willow tree still stands so tall,
shedding many leaves and flowers,
teased by gentle falling showers.
Sometimes winds make the tree dance,
weaving leaves into a trance.
Sometimes the tree is very still,
behind it we can see the hill.
I love the willow tree more and more,
it is my favorite super-store.

Thanks for the memories Aggie!
Cathy

[Aggiel]

Hi Cathy,

I am glad you come to share my happy childhood memory.
With your brillaint piece added, I come closer and closer to
what I have in mind.

Thanks a lot



Aggie

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Glad I could be a bit of help Aggie! I've thought of my willow hide-away all morning!

Cathy

[Aggiel]

Hi Cathy,

Glad to see you again. Yes, we ll have a willow
hide away in life.

My revised poem is up.Thanks everybody.



Aggie

[Guest_Rosemerta_*]

[color=#000000]Hi Aggie,

I was drawn in to read this as the willow is my all time favorite tree. I was also called 'Aggie' as a short nick for my SCA name (Lady Agostina Castiglione deVitrey). This brought back memories of a huge willow that we could view from the highway when we went to the city and more than once we saw lovers wooing beneath it.

Just a few notes below... take or leave as you wish.

~ A Willow Tree ~

I love this poem but I am one who has trouble reading fixed poetry when it isn't broken into stanzas. Something to consider

By roadside stands a willow tree,
I've seen it there since I was three.
Its branches spread to reach the sky.
Beneath the tree we love to lie
on quiet eves to watch sunset.
We linger there, all else forget.

It's escaped fierce thunder and gale
and now it stands still strong, not frail.
Birds build their nests atop a branch,
Giraffes see{s} leaves and quickly munch.
[Branch and munch don't rhyme - no suggestion at the moment]
As night approaches, roost the fowls,
and later joined by hooting owls.
[This line sounds odd... how about 'later are joined'?]

[The next two lines were distracting by their phrase:]
The seasons come and go, here's fall. [how about 'till fall'?]
My willow tree still stands so tall; [to where my willow still stands so tall]
shedding [her] many flowers and leaves, [your syllable count is off here]
teased by [the] showers as weather peeves. [syllable count]
Sometimes the winds [will] make the tree dance [syllable count]
[I liked when you called it 'my tree' and perhaps that could carry over to "make my tree dance"]
and leafy branches sway in [a] trance.

Sometimes the tree is very still;
behind it we can see the hill.
I love this willow tree more and more.
It is my favorite super-store.
[The last stanza seems to loose the beautiful flow of the others. The second and fourth lines seem forced in an attempt to keep a ryhme. Super-store doesn't seem to fit at all. The following is just a suggestion.

Sometimes the branches are very still
and we can see beyond to the hill.
I love this willow tree more and more,
when up above it the sparrows soar.
If you could look and see what I see
you'ld also hope it will always be.

[Aggiel]

Rosmertha,

Hello, nice to meet you and thanks for the useful crit.

My poem is a iambic tetro meter, ( 8 syllabus count ) but I doubt
the meters are on. I hope there's a singsong effect through out.

It is now broken into stanzas which Nina has also suggested earlier on ,
thanks both of you.

I can't think of a replacement for " munch" so I just leave it
there as a ghost rhyme till something crops up.

I like some of the lines you suggested and have adopted them. So the
revised poem is up . Please take a look.



Aggie

[ArtesiaMeeks]

Aggie,

very very nice............am

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Aggie,

If only my early poems flowed as well as yours.

The theme is gentle and the words are relaxing.

I can't say as I have seen birds nest in a Willow because the branches severly droop. I can't picture a heavy owl perching in a willow tree. Well, yes I can picture it through your poem.

The eight-syllable lines make it slightly more active than expectations of passive for the theme.

I enjoyed your art, and thank you for sharing.

Don

[JustDaniel]

Your willow tree has caught my eye, so hope that you won't mind that I have come to trim a branch or two... yet not forget the poem is YOU...

~ A Willow Tree ~

By roadside stands a willow tree,
I've seen it there since I was three(.)[;]
its branches spread to reach the sky.
Beneath this tree we love to lie
on quiet eves to watch sunset.
in quiet till the sun has set...
We then linger there, all else forget.

Here the meter suffers some, so I suggest something LIKE this:

It's escaped fierce thunder and gale
Through lightning, thunder, howling gale
and now it stands still strong, not frail.
it has stood strong... though lean, not frail.
Birds build their nests atop a branch, for young to brunch;
giraffes see leaves and reach to munch.
As night approaches, roost the fowl s; [ fowl is both singular and collective plural ]
above them perch some a hooting owl s.

As summers come and go, now it's fall[;] (.)
my willow tree still stands so tall[.] ( ; )
It's shed ding many abundant flowers and leaves,
all teased by showers as weather peeves.
Some times the winds will cause make the tree to dance[,]
and leafy twigs will sway in a entranced.

Some At times the tree is very still;
behind it we can see the hill.
I love my Giant more and more (,)
when up above it sparrows soar.
If you could see what I now see[,] ( ; )
you'd also hope it'll 'twill always be.

Again... I hope that you can see I love your tribute to this tree. The changes I suggest are few... to take or toss; it's up to you.

deLighting in the shade of its branches, Daniel

[Aggiel]

Carol and Don ,

It's a pleasure to have you both drop by.

Don, I must say, it's easier to write a new one in meters
than correcting that of an old one.
This is an old poem and I get the right help here to
make the chore less.

Your observation is keen but this tree is strong.

Thanks both.



Aggie

[Aggiel]

Daniel,

I knew my meters are off in some places but thought I' d
leave it as that until you brush it up .


Thanks a lot for that.



Aggie

[Peterpan]

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!

PP

[Cleo_Serapis]

Congrats Aggie on your Member Choice winning poem!

Well done!
~Cleo