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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ The Drifter (revision)

Posted by: Arnfinn Apr 7 10, 06:04

The Drifter

The road dusted red to the homestead,
I arrived at the — DoubleJB,
and tethered my horse near an old shed
in the shade of a peppermint tree.

To the front of a rusted farm gate
stood a jackaroo meeting my gaze.
He said. ‘You looking for a job mate?
Are you willing to help a few days?’

‘I’ve been told you need men for a ride;
who are seasoned, with steel in their veins.
So, I’ve ridden— to be by your side—
and embrace the dry heat of the plains.’

‘Then come forward, and join us, my friend;
spend some days chasing dust and the flies—
a-droving on our stations top end
with the sun putting squints in your eyes’

‘Well, I’m only, here for a short stay,
and I’m eager to show what I’ve got;
I’m outspoken, rough, in a hard way,
but, it’s me, and I’m not what I’m not.’

So, I signed as one of the crew
to muster the station’s wild cattle.
There were days of tough riding to do;
move in, wheel, turn heads, win the battle.

We shifted through spinifex and scrubs
by billabongs, and western rivers.
Drove into towns with bleary-eyed pubs,
then onto red soil, sand, and gibbers.

It was sunup when we found the mob
scattered loosely under Brigalow,
with whips a-cracking we did our job,
chased them, flicking their tails, on the go.

Outriders, working the flanks at a pace
fanning their hats in the yellow haze;
as ‘whooping’ stockmen raced into place,
keeping the line, and capturing strays.

Then down into dry gullies we fled,
thick dust screwing, as smoke, in our wake;
while the rampaging beasts up ahead
shook the ground like a rumbling earthquake.

At the wheel we spun round in a bound,
our mounts on the lean; mouths dripping foam,
and shifting our weight— made for flat ground
while straightening the mob towards home—

Tanned bodies trickle slivers of sweat,
while deft hands, slacken off, on the reins.
‘We’ll strike fences by sundown, I’ll bet—
and our empty paddock on the plains.’

We continued into the grey light—
yarded eight hundred head on the run,
and returned to our bunks at midnight
our long days in the saddle were done.

This morning I fetched the grey mare
and I set-off, at dawn, down the track
to descend to the cool coastal air
with a hot western wind at my back.

Posted by: Larry Apr 8 10, 14:48

Hey John,

I had read "The Drifter" before the revision and thought I had commented on it but I guess not. I have no major nits to pick but find the metrical flow difficult to follow. I love the story and could taste the red dust and feel the summer heat as I read your poem. Is it autobiographical in nature or just a fragment of a wish from childhood?

My nits, like I said are few and deal only with short/long count syllable lines. ( ) in / [ ] out

S6L1: 1 short - So, I signed (on) as one of the crew
S9L1: 1 long - Outriders, work(ed)[ing] the flanks at a pace
S14L1: 1 short - This morning (as) I fetched the grey mare

Maybe my ideas are just blowing in that hot western wind; or maybe not. Take or toss as you like.

Larry

Posted by: Arnfinn Apr 9 10, 04:47

Thanks Larry.

Your meter is always 'spot on.'

A good old jackaroo yarn.

John

Posted by: 4rum Apr 9 10, 06:08

I love stories, yarns and tales done just this way. This was a real treat for me. The cattle drive terms used are near enough that I recognized most of them easily from my 'Satruday Matinee' days. I'd only ask that you read this verse without 'earth'. See how it fits in with your rhythm. You have ground and that with just 'quake' is strong enough if you'd gain meter without earth.

Then down into dry gullies we fled,
thick dust screwing, as smoke, in our wake;
while the rampaging beasts up ahead
shook the ground like a rumbling quake. (omitt earth)

Posted by: Arnfinn Apr 10 10, 08:56

Thank You, Sam.

This poem is typical Australian Bush Poetry.

Hmm... I'll take a look at you suggestion.

Below is an Australian bush poetry site that you may find interesting.

http://www.abpa.org.au/bush_poetry_forum/viewforum.php?f=4

Regards,

John

Posted by: Eisa Apr 15 10, 18:59

Hi John

I don't know the rules od Australian Bush poetry - but I can say you have written a very good story here.

Amazing!

Snow

Posted by: Arnfinn Apr 18 10, 05:01

Thank you Snow.

Nice to see you.

John