Jacob's Son **** (critique welcomed) REVISED, double ethere . . . from a book title challenge Options

[JustDaniel]

REVISION

Gold-

wonder

kill-shot me

a world away;

I heard it whisper

thru the keyhole, as if

it wanted me to peep through.

Why did I forsake my homestead

for but the prospect of shine shine shine ?

I'm charred and scruffed like some fallen angel.

Who'd ever find a land more kind than home?

But the spectre of night spills darkness;

I've become but shadow and bone.

The song of Achilles warns

about the long walk back.

Though Dad bid me go

Mom will be there

defending

Jacob's

son

© MLee Dickens'son 2013

alluding to the Parable of the Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32

ORIGINAL

Since I've not posted here for a while, I thought I might get some new perspective from y'all on a piece (a double ethere <-- click here to see what it is!) I wrote here a couple years ago but never put it up for critique:

Jacob's Son



Gold-

wonder

kill-shot me

a world away;

I can hear the wind

thru the keyhole, as of

the last policeman's whistle.

Why did I forsake my homestead

for but the prospect of shine shine shine?

I'm charred and scruffed like the fallen angel.

Who'd ever find a land more kind than home?

But the shadow of night spills darkness;

I've become but shadow and bone.

The song of Achilles warns

about the long walk back.

Though Dad bid me go

Mom will be there

defending

Jacob's

son.

from 15 challenge book titles, in order: Gold, Wonder, Kill Shot, A World Away, The Wind Through the Keyhole, The Last Policeman, Shine Shine Shine, Charred & Scruffed, The Fallen Angel, A Land More Kind Than Home, Shadow of Night, Shadow and Bone, The Song of Achilles, The Long Walk, Defending Jacob