 like haiku, keeping it short |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Exhibition Prior to 2006  |
| Guest_oskarthethird_* |
 Oct 25 03, 04:08
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#1
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A La Haiku
Hidden from view A symphony of words Never written. Close behind me The tide is quickly erasing My footsteps. In father’s cellar Empty bottles wafts songs Of times forgotten. Delicate long fingers Fine tuned to a shiver She adores champagne. September darkness In wealthy peoples garden We stole apples. |
  
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| Guest__* |
Oct 25 03, 04:56
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#2
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Hello Jan. Nice to see you here. I don't know a lot about haikku so I'll leave this to those that do. I'll just say that it's good to have an old neighbour drop by and I hope to see you more often.
Tom |
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Oct 25 03, 19:16
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#3
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Jan! :grinning:
I must say, I was drawn into your piece here! While this is not haiku (if you follow the form, it must be a 5/7/5 syllable tercet), it IS striking! I find several metaphors and meaning in this piece. If you'd like to make these into haiku, I'd be happy to help as I'm sure others would as well here in 'Karnak Crossing's" Haiku tile. In any event, this is a brilliant piece - again, the metaphor of 'drowining in liquer' is evident to me. Cheers! ~Cleo :pharoah2 ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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