 Familiar Warmth (tweaked last stanza), Crit *** |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Nov 5 13, 19:25
Post
#1
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
This is the latest version of a poem I wrote a few years ago. I've rearranged and tweaked some stanzas
Familiar Warmth She's sitting here with us ... My stare dares him not to sneer as peering up from The Daily News his closed-mouth smile indulges me. Settled opposite my hubby I am pampered with welcome refreshments at the window table. I flip through memory pages until I’m lunching here with her, munching ham and salad baps. After our rummage through the mall,we relished time together, gulping cups of gossip to quench curiosity, her laughter often erupting to drench me. Is it the sun’s embrace through the window or the mug of steaming Yorkshire tea? That familiar warmth after all these years still radiates from her so even my fingertips tingle. ----------------------------------- St 3 was: Settled opposite my hubby the window table pampers us with welcome refreshments, Last st was: Years after her departure that familiar warmth radiates from my core until even my fingertips ... tingle. ·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
  
|
|
|
Nov 17 13, 18:24
Post
#2
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Tweaked last stanza
Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Nov 18 13, 11:36
Post
#3
|
|
 Egyptian  Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
I like your revision Snow.
Sergio ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Nov 18 13, 21:13
Post
#4
|
|
 Egyptian Posts: 399 Joined: 11-April 13 From: Australia - The great Southern Land Member No.: 5,178 Real Name: Maureen Clifford Writer of: Poetry Referred By:arnfinn |
I like both versions - one would be hard pressed to pick between them.
······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Nov 22 13, 17:28
Post
#5
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (saore @ Nov 18 13, 16:36 )  I like your revision Snow. Sergio Thanks Sergio - always good to hear from you. Snow
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Nov 22 13, 17:29
Post
#6
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (Maureen @ Nov 19 13, 02:13 ) I like both versions - one would be hard pressed to pick between them. Thanks Maureen - I'm always tweaking!  LOL!Snow ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 24th April 2024 - 19:31 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
