 INTERVAL **, Free verse |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Oct 24 13, 22:52
Post
#1
|
|
 Egyptian  Posts: 399 Joined: 11-April 13 From: Australia - The great Southern Land Member No.: 5,178 Real Name: Maureen Clifford Writer of: Poetry Referred By:arnfinn  |
Amended version -
INTERVAL Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet Wait for me as daytime fades ‘til I am only seen in ink black night which reaches endlessly across hills and valleys over the oceans and rivers and to the crests of the tallest mountains. Wait for me as day reaches for the stars and moon to grace its velvet robes with ephemeral light adding beauty of gold and crystals to its ink black vestments. Wait for me until eternity joins our souls again in matchless perfection and love – attuned to each others being - at peace with each other’s aura . Wait for me. Please just wait for me. INTERVAL
Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet Wait for me as daytime fades ‘til I am only seen in ink black night which reaches endlessly across the hills and valleys over the oceans and the rivers and to the crests of the tallest mountains. Wait for me as day reaches for the stars and the moon to grace its velvet robes with ephemeral light and the beauty of gold and crystals with which to grace its ink black vestments. Wait for me until eternity joins our souls again in matchless perfection and love – attuned to each others being - at peace with each other’s aura . Wait for me, just wait for me. ·······  ······· |
  
|
|
|
Oct 27 13, 01:19
Post
#2
|
|
 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,875 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Lovely poem, Maureen. It seems there will always be in interlude during which people must carry on...regardless. Despair is always present, as if that perfect joining of souls in eternity may not really happen. We rely on faith, sometimes a bit wobbly at difficult times in our life. You've written nostalgic lines that paint a translucent picture in my mind. Cheers, Syl*** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
|
|
|
|
Oct 27 13, 08:47
Post
#3
|
|
 Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
This is beautiful Maureen. I specially like the closing stanza. Excellent writing.
Sergio ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Oct 27 13, 21:06
Post
#4
|
|
|
Egyptian Posts: 399 Joined: 11-April 13 From: Australia - The great Southern Land Member No.: 5,178 Real Name: Maureen Clifford Writer of: Poetry Referred By:arnfinn |
Thank you Syl and Sergio - happy you liked it - I have no idea where it came from, just popped into my head. Hope my subconscious isn't trying to tell me something
Cheers Maureen ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Nov 5 13, 18:19
Post
#5
|
|
 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
A beautiful poem Maureen- lovely images.
I think the only nit is that you have lot of 'the's' which you might be able do without. See below. INTERVAL Wait for me as daytime fades ‘til I am only seen in ink black night which reaches endlessly across [the] hills and valleys over [the] oceans and [the] rivers and to [the] crests of the tallest mountains. Wait for me as day reaches for the stars and [the] moon to grace its velvet robes with ephemeral light and the beauty of gold and crystals [with] which [to] grace its ink black vestments. Wait for me until eternity joins our souls again in matchless perfection and love – attuned to each others being - at peace with each other’s aura . [Wait for me,] ... just wait for me. So as not to overdo the 'I wait'' perhaps miss one out in the last line. Hope this helps - take or toss! Snow  ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
|
|
|
|
Nov 6 13, 20:49
Post
#6
|
|
|
Egyptian Posts: 399 Joined: 11-April 13 From: Australia - The great Southern Land Member No.: 5,178 Real Name: Maureen Clifford Writer of: Poetry Referred By:arnfinn |
Thanks Snow - fair comment and one which I have taken on board. New version posted.
······· ······· |
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 24th April 2024 - 17:37 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
