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saore
Posted on: Feb 26 14, 16:31


Egyptian
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Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Wow, druglords all over S. A. That is so terrible. They are destroying Mexico. Thank you for the information about Hermes. I don't rhyme but this is a form poem. Thank you Sylvia.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134028 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,259

saore
Posted on: Feb 26 14, 09:31


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Thank you Leo, that part is at reflection of the narrator ( the headless chicken on the his dresser). Thank you.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134024 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,259

saore
Posted on: Feb 26 14, 00:53


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Antonio is fictional Sylvia so please don't cry. It just happens so much that I had to write something about it. Hermes? that is another forum. I've never posted in it, never read there either. Should I post this there?

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134021 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,259

saore
Posted on: Feb 23 14, 15:12


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Antonio's Rape


that zigzag bridge
reminded him of Spanish
cemeteries
with tin mirrors
and plastic flowers

on his bike he ventured
too far from his shadow--
death sprawls
on his dresser
like a headless chicken


the child grew old
covered by the leaves
under the hammock bridge ...
the weight of the man’s body
sucked his breath out

Narcissus
bled and died on his birthday ...
barely ten
with a swab in his rectum,
Shangri-La on his face
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134011 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,259

saore
Posted on: Feb 23 14, 15:08


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Thank you Wal, Maureen. Thank you!
Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134010 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,415

saore
Posted on: Feb 23 14, 15:05


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


There were a couple of places that made me stumble. It was the word choice. But after looking them up and translating them into Spanish I realize why you've chosen them. Yes, they are new ways of saying things, fresh descriptions. I like the poem, but do agree with some of Larry's suggestions.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134009 · Replies: 20 · Views: 8,212

saore
Posted on: Feb 23 14, 14:43


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


What a lovely tribute to your husband. I like the honesty with which it is written. It must be very difficult.

Sergio

  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #134008 · Replies: 18 · Views: 5,546

saore
Posted on: Dec 18 13, 08:11


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Sylvia I am doing great. Thank you for the read. And I hope things start going better for you.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133800 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,415

saore
Posted on: Dec 13 13, 10:10


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


In Memory


we have not seen
Mandela
in the wordless
flight of birds,
his broken silence

oh the sea is cold . . .
gulls wing across the bay
through burning water
he touched our veins with ice
and the prison faded

earth
shivers with grief —
we are all
floating islands
counterweight to the stars
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133762 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,415

saore
Posted on: Dec 4 13, 16:09


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


The uninvited man at the birthday party was from the secret police. Over the next few weeks many of the young men at the party had to ask for asylum in other countries out of fear they would be executed Sylvia. This is a true story.

Thank you!
Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133724 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,837

saore
Posted on: Dec 1 13, 07:29


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Thank you Sylvia. Eloy was a very spiritual man. I am Changing the title of this one to In Memoriam and I am trimming the first stanza. Thank you.

In Memoriam
for E. A.


it was imagining
an unimaginable voyage--
my Ulysses
without a body
without an Ithaca

it was
that unspoken weather
we refer to
when there is no more speech
nor comfort in our dwelling

it was me
not knowing what body
you took
in my dreams--me
desiring more than a vision

it was not wanting
closure, a simple memory
the going-away
of your voice, your eyes,
the warmth of your arms
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133693 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,903

saore
Posted on: Nov 19 13, 06:58


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Maureen he was my first true friend. A Very spiritual man. Thank you.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133639 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,903

saore
Posted on: Nov 18 13, 17:29


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Bolivia, 2012
for Eloy Anello, in memoriam


left behind--
it was the distance
of your corpse
that drilled a hole
where there was you

it was imagining
an unimaginable voyage--
my Ulysses
without a body
without an Ithaca

it was that unspoken
weather
that we refer to when
there is no more speech
nor comfort in our dwelling

it was me
not knowing what body
you took
in my dreams--
me, desiring more than a vision

it was not wanting closure
a simple memory
the going-away of your voice
your eyes
the warmth of your arms
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133633 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,903

saore
Posted on: Nov 18 13, 11:36


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


I like your revision Snow.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133632 · Replies: 5 · Views: 2,437

saore
Posted on: Nov 5 13, 18:57


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Thank you Snow, thank you.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133608 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,837

saore
Posted on: Oct 27 13, 15:14


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


The more I read this one the more it draws me in. Very strong writing.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133556 · Replies: 23 · Views: 9,831

saore
Posted on: Oct 27 13, 14:49


Egyptian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Your revision works fantastically for me. Great job.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133552 · Replies: 29 · Views: 9,178

saore
Posted on: Oct 27 13, 14:40


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Cleo I like your suggestion:

War Memorial

the architecture of death

a thousand ways
to disappear—

a rift in the earth,
wings cutting across the sky

Let me mull over your suggestion.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133551 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,204

saore
Posted on: Oct 27 13, 08:51


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


The Birthday Party


Gambia. Alhaji, twenty-one and gay, had been planning his birthday
for months. The guest list carefully locked away; there was that real threat of
decapitation to consider. However, he could no longer find peace by avoiding
life.

how old is need,
how knotted are the corridors
of loneliness?
Imam, there is no angel
with an orange by my bed

His friends gathered by the poolside, each with his past shut in him like the
leaves of a book, eyeing the uninvited guest snapping photographs.

freedom is a fire
that runs like a staircase
up then down—
my lover's lips the color
of soft-skin mangoes
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133542 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,837

saore
Posted on: Oct 27 13, 08:47


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


This is beautiful Maureen. I specially like the closing stanza. Excellent writing.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133541 · Replies: 5 · Views: 2,539

saore
Posted on: Oct 25 13, 03:46


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Thank you Eisa, Maureen. Thank you.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133522 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,204

saore
Posted on: Oct 22 13, 14:21


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


I thought it might be something like that. Thank you Leigh Ann, love this poem.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133480 · Replies: 8 · Views: 2,529

saore
Posted on: Oct 22 13, 07:38


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


War Memorial

a thousand ways
to disappear—
the architecture of death
a rift in the earth,
wings cutting across the sky
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133477 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,204

saore
Posted on: Oct 22 13, 07:27


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


I like this one although I am not sure of what the second stanza means. But I do love parades, and they do seem a bit like hell to me too.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133476 · Replies: 8 · Views: 2,529

saore
Posted on: Oct 22 13, 07:20


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 327
Joined: 17-May 08
From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508


Very nice, I loved the humor.

Sergio
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #133475 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,989

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