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Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less] |
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Sep 15 06, 11:23
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Referred By:Lori
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Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.
Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long. I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th. At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:
Stumbling Stumbling into growth may be bloody painful stuff, but scars remind me this vulnerability opens my heart to loving. © MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002
Jesus’ Earthy Dad kept her a virgin miraculous conception of Mary’s Joseph whose union was further blessed: four sons and unnamed daughters © MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003
- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3
annuals vs. perennial ‘lovers’ seek to come seasoned and with wild bouquet pretending to root; a love is but one… who blooms when planted in nurtured ground
© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003
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Oct 4 09, 23:49
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Group: Gold Member
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Referred By:Lori
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Lori... since you've asked about Tanka (and I'm no expert)... let me merely offer a few of mine... some tongue in cheek and some serious:
casting wile d'autres
small stones gave holeness to old homes’ naked windows when I was a stud; some of us got our rocks off or went on flings diff’rently
© M Lee Dickens’son 12 Dec 2003
dancing thoughts
though eye'd love to watch feet would far more rush to join and arms long to hold; nose knows ascent of its own and fingers ache but to touch
© M Lee Dickens’son 16 May 2004
do the arithmetic
teach the hollowness of dull, worn mathematics... students age, crumble, ourselves spent, bent willows who’ve wept till our branches droop
© MLee Dickens’son 27 June 2009
composed of Ten Words from Jack LaZebnik’s The Day the Tree Fell Down: age, wept, branches, dull(ed), mathematics, bent, hollowness, crumble(ing), ourselves, worn
LIGHT + TRIALS = growth
Light is where He dwells; it shines indescribably. God leaves us speechless: Holy, Unapproachable… though His arms reach out, embrace.
Trials provide growth: review in Dark what we’ve learned in Light, His presence; all difficulties purpose lasting fruit. That’s holiness.
© Daniel J Ricketts 29 May 2005
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Jan 25 12, 11:15
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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boundaries
many a kiss becomes a wake-up slap boundaries define who we're not where we'd like to be
© MLee Dickens’son
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Apr 11 12, 07:50
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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re-membered
remember: days when you ran with the wind they have passed away like your knees
© MLee Dickens'son 2012
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Apr 11 12, 08:34
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Member No.: 298
Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends
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I can't like your knees gnarled and knobbly unneccessarily so
Alan
Daniel, you say 31 sylls or less, but HOW much less is still OK ? DSoes this qualify as short-long-short-lon-long ?
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Apr 11 12, 08:58
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Posts: 11,332
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Standing among stumps where a forest once florished, life has departed. Looking for the reason why, eyes are blinded by my tears.
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Apr 11 12, 09:13
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (Alan @ Apr 11 12, 09:34 ) ![*](style_images/antique/post_snapback.gif) I can't like your knees gnarled and knobbly unneccessarily so
Alan
Daniel, you say 31 sylls or less, but HOW much less is still OK ? DSoes this qualify as short-long-short-lon-long ? The length of your lines here would be fine, in and of themselves, Alan. However, there is usually a PIVOT at the third line, so that the first three lines each are a self-sufficient part of ONE observation, and either the last two lines, OR the last three lines (using the third line in both pictures) each form a self-sufficient part of ANOTHER observation. Does that make sense? [ I picture a tanka kind of as a haiku/senryu with two long lines as an additional (or part of another) observation of the same phenomenon. ]Let me ATTEMPT to use your pictures to give an example of this: it is painful to like your knees since they're gnarled they seem knobbly so unnecessarilydeLighting in your sharing, Daniel
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Apr 13 12, 14:59
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Group: Gold Member
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Pictures are painted depicting what artists see or wish to reveal. Beauty is self-evident but epiphanies take time.
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Apr 18 12, 15:09
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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a yellow splash on an indigo canvas... epiphany a burst of radiance comes out of the blue
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Mar 10 13, 19:55
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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A Current Scene
Look at your King... shall I crucify him? "Our king is Caesar!" The government nails the Lord in the mix with criminals
© MLee Dickens'son 2013
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Mar 11 13, 09:34
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Daniel,
Timely and nicely done! I'll have to get back to you with a continuation of your post.
Larry
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Mar 11 13, 10:44
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Thanks, Larry. I tried to utilize an old story to demonstrate a current reality as well.
whitehousewash
scrape away lose flecks, gouge out rotted ugliness; paint an undercoat caulk fills damage, prevents more; final coat hides multitudes
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Mar 11 13, 11:46
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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in de finite life
multitudes hide coats in moth-proof summer storage to further the life of dead animals and plants pausing and stemming decay
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Mar 11 13, 14:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
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since dogwood decayed he constructed a cathouse; good for his business as his wife watched it grow he ended in the doghouse
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Mar 18 13, 08:48
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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fulfilled prophecy
lots cast for his clothes, "I thirst" and "It is finished," soldiers pierce his side; mourners entomb his body... three days later, "He's alive!"
© MLee Dickens'son 2013
Meditation on Psalm 22, Zech. 12 and John 19
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Dec 15 18, 14:24
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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three weeks later I'm still here in rehab to have my IV's: simply antibiotics for body to stave off staph
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Dec 17 18, 16:08
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Christmas time is near but people seem to forget the season’s meaning with what’s found under the tree instead of the star on top
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Dec 22 18, 20:54
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
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star studded at top of the football team's roster can't carry the ball but no one expects him to; he protects the quarterback
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Dec 24 18, 23:29
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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get a quarter back when you’re buying a new car and you pay with cash so when you get a flat tire you’ll always have some spare change
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Jan 11 19, 00:56
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
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change your spare often by rotating the new tires to even their wear so everything is balanced though your checkbook may not be
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