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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies _ Autumn's Breeze

Posted by: Larry Oct 11 15, 23:34

Autumn’s Breeze

Forestall that chilling breath which augurs change
and pirouettes the leaves in slow ballets
on air. Your choreographies arrange
them on the ground in colors that amaze.
Spare some that early fate while summer wanes
to give the forests time to fully blaze
and me, warm afternoons in quiet lanes
to thank how nature's palette lets me gaze.

the last line did read: to see how nature's palette can amaze

Posted by: Arnfinn Oct 12 15, 03:28

G'day Larry'

Poetry in motion...

A poets simplicity of happiness.

You write good poetry my friend.

Regards,

John :pink panther:

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 12 15, 11:12

Hey, Larry...

I told you you'd get good comment. A say again, I think this is maybe your loveliest poem that I've read... and you know that I've probably read more of your poems than anyone!

The only thing I see missing in this one is the apostrophe after 'nature'.

deLighting in your writing, Daniel

Posted by: Larry Oct 12 15, 16:32

Hi Daniel,

You are, of course, correct about "nature" needing to be possessive in that aspect. I'll make it so after I post this
answer. Thanks for catching that.

Larry

Posted by: Larry Oct 12 15, 16:35

Hi John,

Thank you for the visit. You don't know how surprised I was to find someone else posting on MM other than
Daniel, Eric, Rhymer and myself.

I do appreciate the kudos and wish you would come back and post some of your own. You are not a slouch
when it comes to poetry yourself.

Again, thanks,

Larry

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Oct 15 15, 17:45

Hi Larry,

This is so lovely! I haven't seen this poetic form in some time and am glad to see you post with it.

I love this image:
Spare some that early fate while summer wanes
to give the forests time to fully blaze

The trees here are turning that yellow now - some are red but the colors are not are vibrant this year as in the past. Boo! That's my favorite.
It's going to get down into the 30s overnight this weekend. BRrrrrrrrrrr.

I hope you are well and I enjoyed the read!
~Cleo

Posted by: Eisa Oct 28 15, 08:11

Hi Larry,

I so enjoyed reading this beautiful and topical huitain - one of my favourite forms. I've written a handful but in a slightly different format

a a b a a b c c

I have no R&M poems to post at the moment only a few in FV. I hope I'll not be in Serens on my own

Eira

Posted by: Larry Oct 29 15, 21:32

Thank you Lori and Snow,

I appreciate your visit and your kind words. I didn't believe Daniel when he said I should post my Huitain here
because it might get some feedback and lure some people in to read it. Surprise!!!

Lori, Daniel and I have been swapping a few of these over in Karnak if you care to read some more.

Snow, I think the format you use is what Daniel calls "an enclosed huitain ". He's written a few of that type also
and you may also find them in the Huitain string in Karnak.

Again, Thanks for the visit.

Larry

Posted by: anaisa Nov 1 15, 11:33

Hi Larry,

Nice to read your poetry again. This is a calm and beautiful picture you have captured in your words.
I just have one suggestion, that would be to possibly change the first word to "restrain"
Restrain that chilling breath which augurs change. To me, restrain sounds nice with the
last word "change" and forestall sounds a little dated. That's all (take it or leave it!)love the poem!

Forestall that chilling breath which augurs change
and pirouettes the leaves in slow ballets
on air. Your choreographies arrange

Posted by: Larry Nov 1 15, 15:01

Hello Karen,

I considered a lot of words to begin with but wanted to go with something which would catch the eye and
apparently it did catch your eye. Although you feel it to be an "outdated" word, it is highly descriptive in that
it covers a lot of different meanings; all of which have the connotation I was looking for.

I used forestall- prevent, hinder or block, so there would be a few leaves left to enjoy.

If I changed it to restrain- restrict, contain or control, that would eventually leave no leaves (pardon the pun).

Thank you for the read and I'm glad you enjoyed.

Larry

Posted by: anaisa Nov 1 15, 15:28

Sounds good enough to me. I can appreciate your explanation :)