How to Write a Hometown Poem Options

[Guest_hephaestes_*]

Write a Hometown Poem

Tickle a scab until crimson purls in pools against stone of bone,
the creek of boyhood touched by a rose petal. Flower the soil

of your hand with pin pricks, splinters from the rail whose stairs
led to your bed. If a fist forms, repeat the needling until you see

the palm father gripped to cross at the light. Grope for
dream-moths among dust clouds. Giggle a blush each time

you swat the air, and a breeze rattles your elm-leaf tongue. Toy
with shade and shadow: the park bench below still aches the scratch

of light. Now grab some words. Soak them in the oil of a skunk's glands.
And in the lavender of a flower remembered. Flap your lip-wings

before the nib takes flight. Fly! Good form more important than height.
When your words blossom into pale cheeks, your mother will raise

the curtain. Look at the dish she's drying. See your reflection. How often
you change the setting. The perfect location is here, in this china.

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Hephaestes, First let me say welcome to MM, we do have an place you can introduce yourself and let us all know what your interested in writing whether that be free verse, or R&M, there is lots to do here at MM. One thing you do need to do is read the rules for posting here in the critique forums. I enjoy reading new writers as they always bring a new way for us to enjoy words.
As for your piece, I like couplets, but am not sure that they are the best form for this poem, I will think on that a while. There are certain things/ ways you allude to that I find hard to make concept of, if you want to get that across to the reader I think you migh have to clarify or use different analigies. I don't mean they are wrong, they actually read very intriguely, but I don't fully understand what you are trying to say. For me the whole idea of the poem slips just past my grasp, it feels like it should be there, but it is not. I hope this makes sense. Right now I am not sure I can offer any help as I don't know were you wish to go with this.
Please don't stop writing or posting becuase of what I say, this is my two cents and yours to ignore.
Steve

[Sekhmet]

Hi - First Welcome! This is a truly good poem Hephaestes! (Cor! That's a devil to spell!)
This verse would give a kick-start to anyone trying to write an evocation of their golden rural childhood.
" Look at the dish she's drying. See your reflection. How often you change the setting. The perfect location is here, in this china."
Whenever I catch a glimpse of a certain. very common, pattern of china - I feel as if my imaginary braces have been caught on the door knob - and I am yanked right back to my Mother's rose-garlanded Royal Dalton, draining on that spongy, frayed wooden draining board in the back scullery.
I would like to add that I thought your closed poem was great too - Please get round to commenting on a couple of poems in this section - and then we can have the pleasure of reading more of your work.
Leo

[AMETHYST]

Hello Hep,

Welcome to Mosaic Musings. This is very strong, descriptive writing and it seems as if I read it before. I am not sure so perhaps you might let me know if you've posted this somewhere before. My mind doesn't keep things all in one place anymore... LOL

Anyway... The opening and closing are excellent. I did find myself rereading and grasping for some connectiong to L1, S3...

the palm father gripped to cross at the light. Grope for
dream-moths among dust clouds. Giggle a blush each time

Left me somewhat baffled. If you can return to reply to others that have left you warm welcomes and wonderful comments, and perhaps give me some interp on this stanza, I can offer my further thoughts that might help to improve this to it's highest potential.

Best Regards, Liz