Prufrock's Balcony Scene, imitation (free verse) Options

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Let us go then, you and I,
While the city stirs harmlessly, immobile
As rows of new convicts in stocks;
Let us go - while wheels still wear their Denver boots - on the streets,
The damp concrete,
Soiled by nights much shamed by neon lights,
The glamorous go-go bars and the sidewalk blights:
Streets that shelter riff raffs and ragamuffins
Surviving on leftovers of egg McMuffins,
Fattening to keep warm, six creams in their coffee:
Oh do not ask, “Why is this?”
Let us share a sunrise in silent bliss.

In the kitchens, housewives come and go
Listening to the white noise on the radio.

The sallow smog that scratches upon your Cadillac’s windshield,
The sallow dust that bites into your Cadillac’s windshield,
Licked its crotch in every corners of the city,
Hovered over its fountains blanketed with pennies,
Let fall upon its thighs the viruses gathered in massage parlors,
Slid through drainpipes, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a rough March night,
Sprawled a while under the car, then fell asleep.

And of course there will be time
For the yellow smog that glides up in the sky
And laps its crotch upon your Cadillac’s windshield,
There will be dimes, there will be time
For you to be ignored on the streets by every beast you’ll meet;
There will be time to whine, repine and rant
And dimes to do the groceries and fix your spongy macaroni
That will be left to spoil as you question the use of purple plastic plates;
Time for you, and dimes for me
And times for dozens of procrastinations,
And dozens reality shows on the television,
Before choking on moist salted peanuts and Belgian beer.

In the kitchens, housewives come and go
Listening to the white noise on the radio.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder whether you should “be or not to be?”
Time to whet the arrows of disgruntled fortune
And wish to consume, nay, devour the flesh of that tycoon’s heir
[Though some would say: “How he’s deformed, finished, spent before his time!”
While I, disprized by laws, and suffering love’s delays,
Spurned and wronged at my office with false calumnies,
They will say: “payday was yesterday, yet his pockets are so thin!”
And yet I’ll dare
To rub salt in their bleeding dreams:
At this hour there his time
To elope and then snuff it in a garden, under a friar‘s supervision.

For I have seen it all and I have seen the trees
And I’ve seen rockabillies dancing in Belize
I’ve seen a man cuckolded by his best friends
And lives that were over just as they were spent;
And I know what I‘ve been, and I know what I’ll be
And that like a long-legged fly upon the wall
My flesh will cease to move, swatted and silenced.
So how else could I pursue?

In the kitchens, housewives come and go
Listening to the white noise on the radio.

And I knew all about your fortune already,
Of your suitor’s eyes transfixed as you were formulated
While I pined and wriggled my hands in the hall,
Then how should I decline
To spit, to your own disgrace, at your father’s influential face
And thus assure an untimely and violent end to my long love days?
…………………………
The city is arising, breaking its nocturnal bonds;
Take my hand, and whisper in my ear
That we’ll be off to Denmark, though I fear
Your father has also got some friends there.
Come, and let me kiss your hand as you say
it ain’t so; Josephine, please say
It ain’t so.


Copyright 2009 by Marc-Andre Germain - All Rights Reserved

[Psyche]

Oh my God, at last somebody who appreciates Eliot..!!! (There must be others here, but I haven't met up with them).
I think lots of Brits were obliged to read him at school, same as Shakespeare, and you know what academics do to childrens' creativeness... formulate it and pin it wriggling on the wall..!
I was brought up in Argentina.... Here, the British & U.S. poets are highly admired.
I don't have crits to make at this moment, coz I have to digest this excellent piece inspired by Eliot.

Is this an Americanization of Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock? I'm not familiar with all U.S. brands, but Cadillacs & McMuffins...well, just so! Denver boots?


Let us go then, you and I,
While the city stirs harmlessly, immobile
As rows of new convicts in stocks;
Let us go - while wheels still wear their Denver boots - on the streets,
The damp concrete,
Soiled by nights much shamed by neon lights,
The glamorous go-go bars and the sidewalk blights:
Streets that shelter riff raffs and ragamuffins
Surviving on leftovers of egg McMuffins,
Fattening to keep warm, six creams in their coffee:
Oh do not ask, “Why is this?”
Let us share a sunrise in silent bliss.

In the kitchens, housewives come and go
Listening to the white noise on the radio.

(In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo....!!! Fantastic)

The sallow smog that scratches upon your Cadillac’s windshield,
The sallow dust that bites into your Cadillac’s windshield,
Licked its crotch in every corners of the city,
Hovered over its fountains blanketed with pennies,
Let fall upon its thighs the viruses gathered in massage parlors,
Slid through drainpipes, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a rough March night,
Sprawled a while under the car, then fell asleep.

And of course there will be time
For the yellow smog that glides up in the sky
And laps its crotch upon your Cadillac’s windshield,
There will be dimes, there will be time
For you to be ignored on the streets by every beast you’ll meet;
There will be time to whine, repine and rant
And dimes to do the groceries and fix your spongy macaroni
That will be left to spoil as you question the use of purple plastic plates;
Time for you, and dimes for me
And times for dozens of procrastinations,
And dozens reality shows on the television,

The 'reality shows' make it sound quite up-to-date, actual. Do they fit in with the rest of the content? What sort of time-frame have you imagined?

Before choking on moist salted peanuts and Belgian beer.

In the kitchens, housewives come and go
Listening to the white noise on the radio.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder whether you should “be or not to be?”
Time to whet the arrows of disgruntled fortune
And wish to consume, nay, devour the flesh of that tycoon’s heir
[Though some would say: “How he’s deformed, finished, spent before his time!”
While I, disprized by laws, and suffering love’s delays,
Spurned and wronged at my office with false calumnies,
They will say: “payday was yesterday, yet his pockets are so thin!”
And yet I’ll dare
To rub salt in their bleeding dreams:
At this hour there his time
To elope and then snuff it in a garden, under a friar‘s supervision.

For I have seen it all and I have seen the trees
And I’ve seen rockabillies dancing in Belize
I’ve seen a man cuckolded by his best friends
And lives that were over just as they were spent;
And I know what I‘ve been, and I know what I’ll be
And that like a long-legged fly upon the wall
My flesh will cease to move, swatted and silenced.
So how else could I pursue?

In the kitchens, housewives come and go
Listening to the white noise on the radio.

And I knew all about your fortune already,
Of your suitor’s eyes transfixed as you were formulated
While I pined and wriggled my hands in the hall,
Then how should I decline
To spit, to your own disgrace, at your father’s influential face
And thus assure an untimely and violent end to my long love days?
…………………………
The city is arising, breaking its nocturnal bonds;
Take my hand, and whisper in my ear
That we’ll be off to Denmark, though I fear
Your father has also got some friends there.
Come, and let me kiss your hand as you say
it ain’t so; Josephine, please say
It ain’t so.

Who is Josephine? I've become dim at this point. I like all the Hamlet references.
Thanks for this read! Will return, cheers, Sylvia

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Sylvia,

I'm also glad to meet someone who appreciates Eliot Your remarks about education (with the most appropriate quote) remind me of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn, when he parodises the unappealing way heaven is depicted to young American boys. I was badgered at school for reading Moliere and Racine during my French classes (I'm French Canadian.) In primary school, a teacher once asked us to remember a poem to recite it in class. With my mother, who reads a lot, we selected L'Albatros by Charles Baudelaire. For my pains, I got a grade of 0%! When my mother challenged the teacher, she said it was too "literary" for young children. Needless to say, my mother was furious.

To answer your questions, yep the setting is nowadays, though I play a bit with the timelessness/out-of-time nature of poetry itself.

Denver boot: a metal clamp that is locked onto one of the wheels of an automobile to immobilize it especially until its owner pays accumulated parking fines (from the Merriam-Webster dictionary)

In the last stanzas, I've deviated even more from Eliot and Hamlet, and one stanza (third from last if you don't count the couplet) is a parody of the song I've Seen It All by Bjork (soundtrack of the award-winning film Dancer In the Dark.) Perhaps I've overdone it, and should have limited myself to Eliot's poet and Hamlet (btw, there's also a line taken (slightly ruined ) from Richard III in there.)

As for Joesephine, there are cues in two of the previous stanzas. Just a play on another famous quote, "Say it ain't so, Joe please say it ain't so." I think most North Americans would get that one.

Mark

[vessq]

Hi Mark,

This is a delight. I am not going to attempt a critique. My poems are more simply constructed so I question my competence here.

I am sure others will be of more help. I will serve as cheerleader. More please.

I caught the reference to a small boys plea. I think it was to Shoeless Joe Jackson in response to a corruption charge.

Vess

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Vess,

Thanks for reading. Do not question your critiquing competences here, at least not with me. Everyone can bring me invaluable feedback. A simple "I liked this part/I didn't like that one" could prove very constructive. Also, critiquing is like any other forms of writing: it requires practice. So feel free to critique my poems. Perhaps you'd like to start on poems that aren't that long though

Mark

[Psyche]

Hi Mark!

Thanks for your highly interesting reply to my questions. I'm done in now, bedtime in Buenos Aires!

But I'll return to comment on your comments.

Cheers,
Syl***
PS: I'm a fan of Leonard Cohen's and Loreena McKennitt's poetry/songs/music. Don't know whether they're from Montreal or are French Canadian, but they're definitely Canadian. Do you like them?

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Sylvia,

I love Loreena McKennitt! Especially her album The Mask and the Mirror. I believe she's from Alberta.I like Leonard Cohen but I'm afraid I'm not too familiar with his work. Will have to sit down and listen to him one rainy afternoon. I like classical music and lately, I listen mostly to the work of John Cage.

Buenas noches,

Mark

[mayo]

This one just made me smile. I enjoyed this very much. My one question... is it necessary in your imitation to repeat the licking/lapping crotch image? It felt a little forced in the second telling.

[jgdittier]

Dear Mark and All,
(I've read all that precedes this. That's why the "All".)
I've not progressed yet to T.S.Eliot and so much of the above is above me. However, Mark seems to reach me with new thoughts and so I'll have to bone up on Eliot and Prufrock.
These deep thoughts Mark is motivating worry me in that I'm a dedicated light verser and now must worry he'll scare away my
muse. I'll risk it!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

This one just made me smile. I enjoyed this very much. My one question... is it necessary in your imitation to repeat the licking/lapping crotch image? It felt a little forced in the second telling.

Mayo,

Thanks for reading. You bring up a valid point, that repetition does seem rather loud.

Mark

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Dear Mark and All,
(I've read all that precedes this. That's why the "All".)
I've not progressed yet to T.S.Eliot and so much of the above is above me. However, Mark seems to reach me with new thoughts and so I'll have to bone up on Eliot and Prufrock.
These deep thoughts Mark is motivating worry me in that I'm a dedicated light verser and now must worry he'll scare away my
muse. I'll risk it!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier

Ron,

Thanks for reading. I'm flattered to hear that you got motivated to explore T.S. Eliot (and Samuel Beckett); I also come to forums to expand my horizons.

I think I'll post one of my dada cut-ups next...lol.

Mark