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> Warm Coverlet
Psyche
post Dec 19 16, 16:00
Post #1


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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Warm Coverlet

Snowflakes float in all directions:
fragile, hapless crystals
borne by chancy breezes
less stable than hearts' in bloom.

Giddy water molecules
transformed into hexagons,
or other symmetrical shapes,
ascending, or descending,
flippant like Chaos’ unrelenting hazard.

One heart beats erratically,
attuned to nature’s dance,
from a lofty metal bed.
Quilted and pillowed,
eyes unfocused,
gazing at gauzy air.

This heart is not hampered
by diffident frozen droplets,
a myriad of them
tracing patterns on steamy
window panes,
cautioning those languid eyes.

Soothing, salty tears
shed by an exiled mind
on white cotton robes
in harsh winter's clime…

Will snow keep this heart cozy,
under a geometric patchwork
stitched by chuckling old ladies?

God’s creatures lie dormant
beneath snow’s warm coverlet.


By Psyche, Bariloche, Argentina. 2016


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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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mt2polar
post Dec 19 16, 20:34
Post #2


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Syl,

I'm having a hard time finding myself in this poem, not from lack of inspiration or imagery, but from the abundance of possibilities. It could be a sick child missing the snow or a teenager missing a young love, or an adult missing both. The quilt is a nice touch. I'm thinking a woman because good things are worth wrapping in white cotton robes. I do see some darker, heavier drifts in here as well but that is probably me.

"God’s creatures lie dormant
beneath snow’s warm coverlet."

I'm not sure I buy this. I mean, bears and skunks and opossums lie there too. And God's creatures lie pretty much anywhere, save hell.
What I really want to know, is it a fawn, a cub, a mink, a hedgehog, or maybe a bumblebee?


I think hexagons and symmetrical shapes are way to simple for this. They pre-reinforce the quilted geometric shapes below. Unless of course, that was the intent?


mt
 
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Psyche
post Dec 21 16, 16:14
Post #3


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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Hi mt2,
Thanks for commenting on my poem. I'll come back as I'm in a rush now.

This is about a dying, old man, who gazes at the symmetrical shapes of the snowflakes, but doesn't understand them.

Yes, it's full of questions. Mostly about the old man whose dementia impairs all understanding... or not. Who knows?

As to God's creatures, so many hibernate in winter, under the snow, that it would be too long a list. All living things are God's creatures, that includes plants, trees, whatever. Then again, the ones you mention, don't hibernate under the snowy coverlet, at least that's what I see at first reading of your comments.

As to God, that's whatever anybody believes in, or not. I choose to mention God because I have highly spiritual moments.

The patchwork quilt is covering the dying man. It also has geometric shapes, therein the comparison (metaphorical, since it's also a question.

That's all I can manage now, but will come back and revise, might use some of your kind suggestions. But please understand that the whole poem is open to questions, not real answers.

Thanks,

Syl butterfly.gif



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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Eisa
post Jan 5 17, 17:45
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Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



I thought I'd commented on this yesterday, Syl, but on returning I find I haven't - so here goes!

A beautiful poem Syl and knowing who it's about I find it most moving.


Warm Coverlet

Snowflakes float in all directions:
fragile, hapless crystals
borne by chancy breezes
less stable than hearts' in bloom.

A lovely 1st stanza that sets the scene

Giddy water molecules
transformed into hexagons,
or other symmetrical shapes,
ascending, or descending,
flippant like Chaos’ unrelenting hazard.

I think I might condense the beginning lines into


Giddy water molecules
transformed into symmetrical shapes


One heart beats erratically,
attuned to nature’s dance,
from a lofty metal bed.
Quilted and pillowed,
eyes unfocused,
gazing at gauzy air.

It's at this point I see a hospital bed?

This heart is not hampered
by diffident frozen droplets,
a myriad of them
tracing patterns on steamy
window panes,
cautioning those languid eyes.

Soothing, salty tears
shed by an exiled mind
on white cotton robes
in harsh winter's clime…

Do you need ... at the end?


Will snow keep this heart cozy,
under a geometric patchwork
stitched by chuckling old ladies?

God’s creatures lie dormant
beneath snow’s warm coverlet.

Thought provoking ending. I've not much to offer, but this is well written. Great to read you again

Hugs
Eira




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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post Jan 5 17, 18:45
Post #5


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Hi Eisa, Snowflake.gif
So great to have you here again with your great crits. Been missing them!
Yes, I could condense that stanza, just as you suggest. TX!

Well, it's a Hospice bed, but our National Health Service provides hospital beds for those who need them, so we asked for one and got it. What I mean to say, is that he was not in a hospital. The Hospice was bright, with large windows, but I especially remember one afternoon when it was snowing. The flakes danced around in the breeze and stuck to the window panes. I tried to explain that we were watching a lovely spectacle, but it didn't seem to click with him. Sad.

I'll try to post a revision asap. I've not been coming here very much. I finally became tired of doing everything on my own. I might post a challenge, I've got one in mind. But Rhymer is digging into the Archives and has plenty of material to work with!

I also hope you'll post something soon!

Hugs, Syl butterfly.gif



QUOTE (Eisa @ Jan 5 17, 19:45 ) *
I thought I'd commented on this yesterday, Syl, but on returning I find I haven't - so here goes!

A beautiful poem Syl and knowing who it's about I find it most moving.


Warm Coverlet

Snowflakes float in all directions:
fragile, hapless crystals
borne by chancy breezes
less stable than hearts' in bloom.

A lovely 1st stanza that sets the scene

Giddy water molecules
transformed into hexagons,
or other symmetrical shapes,
ascending, or descending,
flippant like Chaos’ unrelenting hazard.

I think I might condense the beginning lines into


Giddy water molecules
transformed into symmetrical shapes


One heart beats erratically,
attuned to nature’s dance,
from a lofty metal bed.
Quilted and pillowed,
eyes unfocused,
gazing at gauzy air.

It's at this point I see a hospital bed?

This heart is not hampered
by diffident frozen droplets,
a myriad of them
tracing patterns on steamy
window panes,
cautioning those languid eyes.

Soothing, salty tears
shed by an exiled mind
on white cotton robes
in harsh winter's clime…

Do you need ... at the end?


Will snow keep this heart cozy,
under a geometric patchwork
stitched by chuckling old ladies?

God’s creatures lie dormant
beneath snow’s warm coverlet.

Thought provoking ending. I've not much to offer, but this is well written. Great to read you again

Hugs
Eira



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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