bloom, chaos Options

[Guest_megan_*]

I watched the blood-drop form on the back of my leg
after I'd picked it too much, next to my ankle.

Curved around the wound my blood, awake
from its suffocating, formerly blue state
now a slick pointed petal aimed for the floor.

I stared a little longer, with its poor red
engorged head and a sly little neck, swimming
toward the earth-core like a manic worm searching
for tiny dirt bits to swallow and saturate

into the ground—it reminded me of a teardrop
or a seed about to germinate: splitting halves
extending tiny stalk-fingers to capture
the earth at the throat and form firm roots,

to ride with the quiet vibrations of this world
and sprout when the ground says GO!

Peaking stems and leaves, turned trees
branches gnarled and knotted in a symbiotic
symmetry only God can comprehend
as another pulse beats

and another seed is extracted in an uncertain
but intentional pluck from the celestial womb.

In the twilight, with the sky pigmented
with chemicals and dust
the branches are black. The trees are black.
The tips curl into each other like a fist
or an eyelid about to blink -
extending branches like limbs

like veins running under the stratospheric skin
in a hurried blue flurry of pulsing little cells
running in every direction—
through narrow ventricles as each
beat brings itself back to balance again
and again after each subtle vibration; collapse red
turn blue.

[Eisa]

Hi Megan

Reading reminded me how easy it is for one thought to run to another. On first reading I feel this could be trimmed back a little and rearrange line breaks in places ~ here are a few suggestions.

[ ] delete

I watched the blood-drop form on the back of my leg
after I'd picked it too much, next to my ankle.

Perhaps this could be more concise ~

I watched the blood-drop form
by my ankle, after picking it too much.

Curved around the wound my blood, [awake] awoke
from its suffocating, [formerly] blue state
[now] to a slick pointed petal aiming[ed] for the floor.

This st. is a fragment, but if you change awake to awoke it becomes a sentence.

I stared [a little] longer, with its [poor] red engorged head
and a sly little neck, it swims [ming]toward the earth-core
like a manic worm searching
for tiny dirt bits to swallow and saturate

into the ground—it reminded me of a teardrop
or a seed about to germinate: splitting halves
extending tiny stalk-fingers to capture
the earth at the throat and form firm roots,

Good imagery in this st

to ride with the quiet vibrations of this world
and sprout when the ground says GO!

I’m not sure that you need capitals for ‘go’ ~ perhaps italics? go!

Peaking stems and leaves, turned trees
branches gnarled and knotted in a symbiotic
symmetry only God can comprehend
as another pulse beats

Really like the image here

and another seed is extracted in an uncertain
but intentional pluck from the celestial womb.

In the twilight, with the sky pigmented
with chemicals and dust
the branches are black. The trees are black.
The tips curl into each other like a fist
or an eyelid about to blink -
extending limb-like branches [like limbs]

You have written
the branches are black
the trees are black

surely branches are parts of trees and therefore redundant. I'd use one or the other. As you mention branches again at the end, perhaps just say trees here.

like veins running under the stratospheric skin
in a hurried blue flurry of pulsing [little] minute cells
running in every direction—
through narrow ventricles as each
beat brings itself back to balance again
and again after each subtle vibration;
collapsed red turn blue.

I think it makes a stronger ending if the end of last but one line is brought down with the last line.

As with every critique this is just one opinion, take from it what helps and ignore the rest. I've enjoyed reading you for the first time. Thanks!

Snow

[Guest_Tenebrous Dragon_*]

I like the intertwining of natural beauty, anatomical phenomenon, and the celestial heavens. It adds a natural feel to the poem for me, but at some points, seems redundant to me. But otherwise, I think its a great poem.

Changes:
I watched the blood-drop form on the back of my leg
after I'd picked it too much, next to my ankle.

The first stanza sets the vivid picture and focus. No changes here.

Curved around the wound[,] my blood, awake
from its suffocating, formerly blue state[-]
now a slick pointed petal aimed for the floor.

I stared a little longer, with its poor red
engorged head and sly little neck, swimming
toward the [earth-core] like a manic worm searching
for tiny dirt bits to swallow and saturate

Earth-core is awkward for me. I think it would be better if it were either "Earth's core" or molten core, etc.

into the ground—it reminded me of a teardrop
or a seed about to germinate: splitting halves
extending tiny stalk-fingers to capture
the earth at the throat and form firm roots,

to ride with the quiet vibrations of this world
and sprout when the ground says GO!

Peaking stems and leaves, turned tree
branches gnarled and knotted in a symbiotic
symmetry only God [could] comprehend
as another pulse beats

and another seed is extracted in an uncertain
but intentional pluck from the celestial womb.

This stanza I love. Celestial Womb......awesome.

In the twilight, with the sky pigmented
with chemicals and dust[,]
the branches are black. The trees are black.
The tips curl into each other like a fist
or an eyelid about to blink -
extending branches like limbs

Instead of "pigmented," I think "tainted" or "stained" would work better.

like veins running under the stratospheric skin
in a hurried blue flurry of [throbbing] little cells
running in every direction—
through narrow ventricles as each
[pound] brings itself back to balance again
and again after each subtle [echo]; collapse red
turn blue.

You already use "pulse", "beat", and vibration in the poem. "Throbbing", "pound", and "echo" are just some suggestions.

I hope these ideas are useful, but great job regardless.
Tenebrous Dragon